1 step closer

My mom, who is one of my subscribers, told me that I need to add a positive twist to some of my recent posts. I have noticed that that haven't been all rainbows and unicorns lately, but I also have not been in that kind frame of mind either. Where I work sucks the life right out of me. I let it effect me more than I should. I am human and I am allowed these feelings. But my mom is, also, right where I need to find the silver lining in these parts of my life. The silver lining for me absolutely despising where I work right now is that I have chosen my exit strategy. It was the flick to the forehead that I absolutely needed to get the new part of my life rolling.

I think there might be something in the air because my Feeshfeesh is in a purgatory place of "meh". It's that grey area where you have nothing to work towards that brings you passion or happiness. You're are just kinda waiting around, waiting for lightning to strike. Sometimes you have to make your own lightning. Sometimes you have to take this down time for yourself to just relax and think. I was given the last couple of years to do just that.

I got a break from the world. I was not having babies. I was done looking for a home. I was finished unpacking. I had nothing to do except ask myself....."now what". That now what took me running. The hardest thing that I've had to try to do in a long time. And I plan to take it up again when it is a little bit warmer. Or maybe I won't. I haven't decided yet. But what I have decided is move forward away from the cement jungle back to the land of yards and driveways. Back to home. It didn't matter what I did because it was just for me. No problems. No drama. Just some simple time to myself.....outside of the whole corporate BS.

Here's my huge exit plan. Get ready...it's a doozie. Just kidding.

My first step was taking a CPR & first aid certification class. Done. Easy Peasy!
Next, go to the local community college and see if anything strikes my fancy.
Next, see what happens next.

I can wait it out and save up some money and take a month off which sounds absolutely amazing. I haven't had a month off in about 10 years. Since then I've worked either 1, 2, or 3 jobs or projects at once. Now throw in parties, boys, friends, relationships of all sorts, a marriage, moving a few times and here I am.

Okay. So here I am. Now what? Not really sure.

Ultimately I would love to be a part time child care taker, that is in school for psychology and art, with a children's book in the making, all the while loving my husband, making babies and running the neighborhood with my dog.....with money to spare. I don't see why I can't have that. I plan to be the best as what I do. It's what I do. I like that part about myself. I like being "da shit" misia-style. No one does Misia better than me.

This isn't a post that's farting out glitter, but it's also not a "pull your head out of your ass" post. It's just me. Hanging out, typing away on my Ebay laptop that I absolutely love. Who said you had to have everything figured out to move forward? Boring. I like running head first into the world and seeing if I end up unscathed.

So here's to the meh and here's to the butterflies and everything in between.

Merry Ms Berry

Mirror Mirror on my Wall

Mirror, mirror on the wall please show me what I've learned, if anything at all.

Recently I was told that a certain someone in my past, that at one point in her life was a ball of manipulating confusion, is now writing a advice blog on relationships. Being the curious cat that I am, I started to read said blog.

Her latest entry is named "#34 the year of Me". My first thoughts was....."she's always made everything about herself. How is this year any different?" As I read through what, from the untrained eye, could look like epiphanies, a coming to full awareness and enlightenment, I found myself gagging on her words. And I mean literally gagging as my $6 sub wanted to make a reappearance on my desk.

Though she "mentions" her going through trials and turbulent times at age 33, no where does she mention what she actually learned. It's one thing to appreciate the world around you, and for that I will be grateful for she was (still might be) one of the most ungrateful people I had known (hence "person from my past") but it's another thing to actually recognize where you might have gone wrong.

Here's what I know about patterns. You must recognize them to change them. If you don't recognize them then you are not able to change them. If you do not change them then are DOOMED to repeat them. And this girl repeating them a bunch. Shit! We all have. Hopefully for those who are reading this, you are know taking the time to become more aware of any patterns you might be in, right now!

How about an example? My currently place of employment.....just another toxic relationship. Though I spearheaded changing how my personal relationships in my life were handled, I never took the time to make sure the same crap didn't happen in my professional relationships. Well guess what happened? Yup and it took me 5 years, 3 major burns, and a bunch of smokin lies for me to decide to end this relationship. They saw I just wanted to do my best, and instead of rewarding me for it they kept me in my little box until I threatened to leave. Now I have a stupid promotion that I don't care about and am SO effin excited to already leave. See pattern. Change pattern. Start new chapter of life.

So Mirror Mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all. That's right you! Okay, me too. It's your mirror!!! Figure it out.

Reflectively yours (aren't I clever) Merry Ms Berry