Throw in the Towel - I let you!

I see my fellow blogger and friend from high school deciding that she will no longer blog out her mind. She finds no need to put her "pathetic woes" out into the universe (her words not mine). At this moment I think it's the best thing that she can do for herself.

There are always going to be points in your life where it's going to feel like you are spinning your wheels. Whether it is work, love, or home, there's always going to be something. This is called life and no one said you weren't allowed to take a break from it. Now I am not saying run away from your problems but as an example you are not having luck in the dating world, why not just stop. Can it get lonely, yes. But it's better to be single and lonely then having to deal with some crazy, wrong, douche bag. It's all how you look at it.

So where is this magical place called "peace"? It's in the one place you haven't looked because it's the simplest place to look. It's called nowhere exactly where you are. It's that moment when you cry every tear you can, pull yourself off the bathroom floor, completely exhausted, crawl into bed and pass out for 10 hours. It's that moment when you open your eyes and everything is a little bit better. It's a dream showing you what's really going on. It's laying on the floor with no clue on what to do. It's your brain giving up and trying to figure it out and just letting the universe take over. Good or bad, you just don't care anymore. You throw out any idea of what you thought you had for yourself and your life and just throw it out the window. You accept what you are and have that this very moment and say "I'm exactly where I am supposed to be".

I am nowhere I thought I would be when I was 25 years old. I had this image in my mind of someone completely different. I had a string of bad dates, crazy boyfriends, multiple businesses and NOTHING was panning out. And I mean NOTHING. Hot boyfriend?......Crazy drunk boy with emotional issues. Good steady corporate operations position?......for alcoholic fueled industry that was too cheap to give me a full time assistant. Online retail business?......got pulled in a million different directions from partners and client, completely losing myself in the process. Nightclub marketing company?........long nights, no pay, drug and alcohol fueled clientele. A million bad dates!!! Oh, throw a random bootycall in from my ex-boyfriend that would emotionally mess me up more. So you can kinda say that I was a mess because all of this was falling apart, add some friends stabbing me in the back and it was a sucky couple of years.

I threw my hands in the air and said FINE! Whatever! I don't care. I slowly let go of all this above doodie and life took me in a completely different direction. AND I wouldn't change any of it. I am so much happier not being the above person that I couldn't fathom going back to how things were. Is my life perfect, I wouldn't even know how to answer that. It's perfect for what I need right now. I have a handful of amazing friends. I have a little bit of work to keep me out of house. I had to put my dreams of world domination on the back burner because it was not my path. I am at peace with what my life didn't turn out to be. I love not having to deal with life the way it was. But it took my falling apart for me to see any of it.

Unconsciously yours, Merry Ms Berry

Letting go means getting to move forward.

As of May 15th I left the corporate world behind me. Since then I put a summer semester of school under my belt. I found that learning about early childhood development is something that I have been practicing for my whole life. Or at least a huge part of it. From people watching to running multi-million dollar corporate offices, it all brought me to learn more about myself.

So? Where am I now? I am sitting on the couch an unemployed housewife. I almost ready to go back to work but has found solace in my home. Yup. I like being home. I haven't had taken time for myself in....umm.....probably close to 20 years, now that I think of it. If I wasn't going to school full time and working, then I was working 2 or 3 jobs, having a relationship with some dude, building a company, traveling all over the country, being a road warrior and people ever one else's damns needs before my own. Well shit! Here I am. I am doing a whole lot of nuttin' and FREAKING LOVING EVER SECOND OF IT!

Now, on to the next part of my plan. Umm, I don't have one and I don't care. I know my life is out there but right now I'm enjoying the couple weeks that I have left of my 24/7 freedom. Freedom to call the shots one way or another just for myself. It's quite bizarre actually. I hope that I get another chance in life to do this again. I hope everyone who ever wants to take that chance gets to take it. I thought I would be a lot more productive, ass kicking and super health Nazi, but I not even close. Okay, I lie. I'm closer that I give myself credit but I'm not breaking my back to do so.

Here's where my learning of life comes into play. I don't have to a plan. I don't have to know what tomorrow brings. I don't need to save the world nor do I have the urge to take it over. Yes, I could have started writing, dancing, painting, but I didn't feel the urge to. I could have done anything in the world but all I wanted to do was get away from it. My home is where I wanted to be. I wanted time to zone out. I wanted time to walk my dog. I wanted time to take my bike to the store, and I have done all those things.

I have lived a life for the world and it got me nowhere except a bunch of battle scars that I wear proudly. So here I am. Just me for me. Me for my home. Me for my husband. Big, tall, small, loud, pretty, messy or forgetful, I don't care. I did me.

The next chapter will be here soon, until then I'll be here do something, anything or maybe nothing. Either way it's all good and I'm loving every second of it.