A fart in the wind!

Again, I have decided to close the door on a relationship. I've had said person in my life for as long as I have been alive. We had grown up together, our moms had grown up together and our grandmothers traveled together during WWII. You might be asking yourself what horrible, indescribable thing did someone with that kind of family history had done to deserve to end a friendship? Well, I let her take advantage of me for the last time. And then when I told her how I felt she defended her poor actions and did not take responsibility for them, in the beginning. It was after quite a few heated emails that when my seriousness of the situation became relevant in her mind. Even now, she does not believe in her mind that I had any right to get upset to the magnitude that I had and that since she's "like family" and it's the holiday that I have to forgive her. Well....I don't have to do shit! You would think that I would be above being bitter and if this was a first time offense I totally would be. I'm all about accepting apologies and moving forward, but in this case she's a repeat offender of blatant disregard for people's time and feelings. She tries her damnedest to make everything all about her. She doesn't realize that her lack of effort towards others is no longer going to be condoned by me. And her manipulations of others for her emotionally, personal gain is not acceptable and darn right WRONG!

Why am I blogging my gripes today, you ask? This blog is actually about how to properly apologize. Learn to say you're sorry and shut your mouth (if you truly care about someone). If you apologize to someone but then give a line of excuses and justifications why you hurt them, you are telling that person that it's not really your fault their feelings got hurt. If you go on the defensive and have to explain yourself then you are NOT taking responsibility for your actions. We all make mistakes. We all take people for granted, a lot of times by accident. The best thing to do.....now repeat after me.....is say "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you or take you for granted. I will never do it again. Can you forgive me?" and then SHUT UP!!!! Let the person either accept or disregard your apology. Give them the chance and the opportunity to take it into their heart with no strings, bullshit or justifications attached. Give them the opportunity to say no. When you don't, it's like trying to force your own beliefs onto them.  If you're feelings get hurt, it's probably because the person you hurt is REALLY HURT! This will happen. Do not force the issue that your feelings are now hurt and now that this hurt person has to acknowledge you feelings too (ultimately minimizing the original person's hurt feelings).

All in all, if you hurt someone's feelings don't spin it around and make it about you. Try to go out of your way (if you truly care about this person) to make this person feel like their feelings are just as important to you as your feelings are.

Yes, I was made to feel that my feelings were unjustified and I should just let it go without detailed, just cause. Well looks what happens. Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on me. I know I will forgive this person in my heart, for she is not intentionally malicious but egotistically ignorant. I have the right to feel hurt and then tell that person how I feel without being told is not right. It's about having my existence and my feelings properly acknowledged. Time and time again I have pushed my own feelings aside for others, for the bigger picture. In this case, after years and years of repeated disregard, my feelings will be acknowledged without need to explanation!

Unapologetically yours, Merry Ms (kicking ass) Berry!