Off line for 5 days

You heard me right! I'm am disconnecting off the grid, unplugged from social media and turning off all communications from the world for 5 days. Okay, I'm not turning my phone off and I'll only be 30 minutes from home. I need a break but in case of emergencies I'm not going to risk not being able to be found.

I've been meaning to take some "me time" and just escape from the world but I really didn't know how, where or even when. I've gotten some spiritual reinforcement that if I don't take the time to center myself and get back to being me I take a chance of losing everything that I care about. So, I am locking myself away from everyone to get the perspective on life I once had and love everything once again. Me, a sketch book, my running shoes, a book and some comfy clothes.

That's the funny thing about life and everything in it. If you don't care, love or appreciate it, it won't stick around. Think about it. If you don't take care of your car, it's going to break down and become completely useless to you....or worse, hurt you.

Though I come off happier and more positive than most people in the world, I still have a lot of growing to do. Also, I got so consumed in my own pity that I started neglecting my world around me. I need to get back to good.

I am the first one to promote love, yoga, prayer and meditation, but I haven't been practicing what I preach. Pretty typical of most people. I'm distracted with so much that I had NO idea what to do with myself. How sad is that?!

With some Godly guidance and answers my soul has been craving to hear it's time for me to socially detox my heart, brain and soul. I need to get back to The One that's answered my prayers so many times before and have faith my heart will be filled again.

Yes, I drained myself for the sake of others without be able to fill myself back up. I was not happy. Though I live a blessed life, I was dying inside. I feel better than a bit ago, but I know it's only alone time that will let me close this chapter of my life and move forward.

Come to think of it, I've never really had 5 days to myself. I've never had more than a day or so by myself with no distractions, whether work, friends, or hobbies. This will be a first. I'm not scared, I'm really excited. I'll really get to see what time feels like.

Wish me luck! I'll be back next week to tell you my findings.

Spiritually, Merry Ms Berry

I'm breathing...I'm grateful....I'm joyful....

AND I'M NOT GOING TO STAB ANYONE RIGHT NOW!

I said "not".

I'm just having a moment. It's one of those days that one small inconsiderate person does an inconsiderate thing and as much as it shouldn't bother me, its still does.

I have so much more going for me in life. I truly live a blessed life and I need to beat that into my head because getting pissed off at someone stupid and NOT a team player at work is NOT worth the energy. I guess that's why I have my blog....to vent.

Whether or not you read this. Whether or not you even care, I'm still able to all of the BS ramblings in my brain out.

Oh well...I'm breathing, I'm breathing. oooooaaaammmmmm!

I'm calm.

I'm grateful.

I'm blessed.

You're blessed.

Stupid coworker can shove it.

I love my dog. I love my husband. I am blessed to have them both in my life. I love my family. I'm grateful for having a job. I'm blessed knowing 98% of my other coworkers appreciate me. I work hard. I am able to play hard. I love that I can run, jump, grab, see, hear and yell. I am in tip top working order and it makes me happy. I'm healthy, smart, funny, empathetic, genuine and compassionate. I have vehicles that drive beautifully, a home that keeps me warm or cool, enough of everything to meet all my needs.  I'm also blessed to live in a country where I'm allowed to be whiny, emotional, make mistakes and keep living a great life.

So....with that said. I'm done having my moment. I'm clearing out things in my life that don't need my attention. And now I have one more person to add to the list.

Blessingly yours, Merry Ms Berry

Dreams and Readings

After sitting with my mom and sister, I come to find out that I'm really the only one that learns, listens and tries to figure out the bigger meaning in dreams. It happens more times than not when I need to be learning something from my dreams. Most of the time it's about letting go of past hurts.

One case in point is that I was recently told that I need to let go of some grudges. I was always one to forgive, forget and move forward but as I had gotten older it became harder and harder for me to be as compassionate. One reason was because I believe that as we age we should be getting wiser and more conscious of ourselves and those around us. Little did I know that not everyone thinks like I do, and that we live in a very selfish and self-centered world. Not everyone but more than I care for.

One earlier blog was about an ex-best friend and how just being friends with me changed the course of her life a few times. I, also, come to learn that my empathy and compassion for people are rare gifts that not everyone has or understand....ya that kinda blew my mind. So, with keeping that in mind I had a dream that the ex-bff was in, we were back to being friends, were training for a marathon together and even had dinner with her and her significant other. It was a nice dream and I woke up feeling good. I know dreams like these are meant to tell me to let go of any bad feelings that I have with people in my past. I get it. Come to think of it, I really did enjoy having the spazz-monkey as a friend. It sucks the way everything fell apart the way it did. I later went into a new relationship, and she did too. So I'm guessing we needed to be apart to focus on our respective "soon to be" husbands.

It's not like I have a lack of people in my life and losing one friend is going to destroy my world. On the contrary it gives me the room and energy to focus on those still in my life, or just make room for new people to enjoy.

So, to my past friend. I'm sorry that everything went down the way it did. Everything happens for a reason. I forgive you for focusing on your true love and I forgive myself for letting myself feel so hurt.  I wish you no ill will. Take care of my old friend and may you live out each other's lives in bliss.

Epiphanily yours, Merry Ms Berry

Letting go and letting yourself fall apart

Life is all about give and take, come and go, live and die. It's called the circle of life for a reason. It brings balance, change and existence. I know this. I am the biggest advocate for change. BUT not when it comes to those in my life that I love. From the past to the present, I've had to let people go and soon I'll have to learn how to live without my best friend Zoey.

Zoey is turning 11 years old next month and even now I'm noticing changes in her personality. Ok, hold on. This is Zoey (see below)

She is the most wonderful, kind, smart, compassion and spunky little creature that I have in my life. She's been there for me to kiss away my tears, play with, talk to and chase the world around us. She came to me from a relationship that was so hard to walk away from, that pieces of my heart are still gone because of it. She's the last piece of my past that I have closest to my heart and thinking about losing her with age is breaking me apart. Even as I type this, it's through tears.

Being a lover of all sorts, when I put my heart into someone, whether human or animal, I put my whole heart into it. I fall in love hard, and fall apart just as hard. It's the Scorpio in me. I know one day I won't hysterically cry about Zoey when she's gone, but the thought of that ever happening is so unthinkable and incomprehensible to me right now.

But now trying to emotionally brace myself to let Zoey go is going to be the hardest thing that I will ever do. I wish I could clone but that doesn't even guarantee a replica. She's my puppy and my first child of sorts. It was me and her against the world for the longest of time. I am blessed to have years left with her and from day one I've always appreciated her and loved her as much as she would let me. Even when I lived without her for a year, I drove 50 miles one way, every week to spend time with her.

Just when you think you have everything figured out, throw in another broken heart. Love those you love. Tell, show and touch them. We are all forced to let go of someone we love. While we are together, let them know that they are your world and letting go will never mean forgetting.

Emotionally yours, Merry Ms Berry