Throwing it out there.

and let me know what you think.

I often talk about things that are happening around me or have happened in the past. I dissect, ponder and reflect on all the little pieces that come together to make today. Well, how about tomorrow?

I know what I love, I know what I would want, but beknowst to me I am not exactly sure how to get there. I've been told by spiritual messengers that I will get all my hearts desires and truly get to live a wonderful life that I seek to live. Being me I want to make it happen now, but I also know that being patient in itself is part of the journey.

I want to be home.

I want to play all the time.

I want to be out in the world learning with people who are wanting to learn with me.

I love watching kids learn. Watching their little faces figuring things out, always wanting more. I was like that as a kid and I can see my love for it in others.

I want to paint, write, run, jump, climb, create, dance, sing, laugh, get dirty, build things, cook, bounce and make people smile. I'm good at a lot of these things, so why not get to do it all the time?

Will I be able to last the rest of the year in the concrete jungle? I want to, but I don't. There are things that be better if I do. I think that's what I'll plan for. 5 more months and then I take charge into letting the world change around me.

Curiously yours, Merry Ms Berry

Rag Doll livin' in a Movie

Aerosmith, I love you! I was talking with a coworker about my professional standing with my company. The funny part about me being here is that I am the lowest man on the totem pole but if I'm gone for 1 day the whole support staff is completely thrown off. Personally I think it's hilarious, but it also makes me feel good inside. This discussion with my supervisor was about my past offerings within this company and what might future might hold here. I had made a comment that I am the company rag doll. It's bittersweet to say the least.

I am the favorite toy that everyone counts on to be there for emotional days, pick me up or to solve some random problem. But when all is right with the world, I am cast off to the side not to be noticed one way or another, in a heap on the floor. On one hand, people come to me when the need me. But on the other hand, I am less appreciated when "out of sight out of mind" comes into play. It really doesn't bother me as much as it should and here's why. I am totally left up to my own devices. I get my work done here which makes people leave me alone and not question what I do. Also, with my work done, the free time that I do create for myself, I am rewarded by being able to write to you, scour the wonders of the information highway (internet) and shop my little hearts desire away (which needs to end).

So here's to being me. Though I feel being a working city girl has outlived its life in my heart, I will appreciate it as long as possible. Hopefully, soon you will be reading lovely posts from where I sit under a tree, feeling the sun's warmth, watching a child near by playing in the same sun.

Then I will be a rag doll no more.

Peacefully yours, Merry Ms Berry

You are a gift of God's.

All of us are! You better take care of you.

The Lord give and the Lord hath taketh away.

Everything in this world comes back to appreciation and acceptance.

A lot has happened since I've written last. From Senor Douche Bag dying to another Colorado killing spree There's been a lot of "awakenings" happening all over the world. With the use of the WorldWideWeb we are able to see and feel so much about what's going on.

I look back and see that if you are unappreciative enough of something it will be taken away from you. I'm not saying the friends of family didn't appreciate those poor people in the Batman movie, but maybe as a society as a whole is unappreciative and God sent us a little message.

My ex-psychopath recently passed away, by this own hands nonetheless. No he didn't blow out his brains or slits his wrists, he might as well have, though. He was a "professional" eating contest "winner" (binge eating, isn't gluttony a sin?), at least pack a day smoker, binge drinker, a compulsive liar and bulimic. Now if you add all those things up, its very taxing on a soul, let alone a body. He hated himself so much from the inside out that his heart (beating lump of coal) gave out and he passed into his maker's arms (whether it's a God or the devil, I'll never know but I can guess).

Along with my own revelations. I was stuck in my own head, miserably wanting what other people had and completely forgetting to look around me. I have so much. I am so blessed. There are people out there with so much less, how dare I get envious of things I don't have. Shame on me! It took me days without access to my life back home to see how blessed that I truly am. It could have all been taken away from me and THANK GOD SO MUCH IT WASN'T.

My cousin is an example. She cries "Why me? Why me?" because she can't run marathons anymore due to a car accident. Well at the time she was completely spoiled, mean and ungrateful about all her blessings and God knocked her down a couple notches. Also, she was given a financially blessing and blew threw it. Each to their own choices and what lessons they learn from them.

These things I thing about and ponder. Do other people think about this stuff the way I do. What would have happened if I was someone's mistake? How about you? Are there really mistakes to begin with? Everything happens for a reason. We usually don't know those reason until down the road. We can only live and love each day as it comes. Who knows what tomorrow brings, if it will even come.

This is a lot of rambling, most of it not even about my life. To those in this blog, some that will divinely see this, some that will never lay eyes across this, whatever we have it is what it is. Be grateful and love where you are and you will be blessed with more.

Gratefully yours, Merry Ms Berry