True you vs. other's feelings

With each post I try to let all of you into little parts of my life, who I was, who I am and who I want to be. From the outside, I tried to look like I had to all together and that I was totally in control. The truth was that inside I was a bowling ball of emotional reckoning and obsessive control. One of my puppet tricks was to tell people what they wanted to hear in just a way to get a desired action or result from them. Now before you start judging me like I'm an evil doer, I was actually the opposite. I would use my super mind controlling powers for good. Later in my life I found out that I was actually putting other people's lives and feelings ahead of my own. I was acting in a manner that kept me in the background along with my feelings. I was used to putting other people first and sometimes that can be a good thing, most of the times its not.

After my 2nd....yes 2nd emotional/mental breakdown around the age of 17 I decided to stop putting everyone's feelings above my own. I didn't go insane and write everyone off, I was just able to freely speak my mind and openly express what I was feeling. Let me just say it felt.....AMAZING!!! I got out of my own way. I was so concerned about the turkeys in my life and I was restricting my own. From that point I knew who I wanted to be, and how I wanted to act was solely in my control and NO ONE was going to stop me (moowahahaha). Now I can't say that it wasn't all rainbows & butterflies.
My new found self was not without some push back, but the best part of being me at this point was my lack of qualms blowing people out of the water. I had been a doormat and been taken advantage of for so long that I have some seriously deep seeded resentment built up and coming out of me at a strong and steady stream. Poke the bear.....lose a hand.

I eventually leveled off and made hundred's of friends around me that appreciated my kindness, compassion and ass-kicking bad-ass-ness. I would have never created myself to be as awesome as I could possibly be if I didn't lose my mind first.

If you ever feel that no one is hearing you, open your mouth a little bigger and let the heaven's hear you. If after that there's still no change, time to change direction. I don't suggest burning bridges unless you never want someone in your life, but I have found sometimes it's necessary. I've burned quite a few in my life and I have NO regrets for it. We are not meant to friends, lovers or even acquaintances with everyone you meet. You will not mesh with everyone. Even those who you have some sort of connection, whether emotion or physical, might not stay in your life.

The only thing that you can control is you. The great you that needs to always stay true to yourself. The you that can only make you great! Stay True Blue to You!

Forever me, forever you, Merry Ms Berry