Maybe I do need some closure

For whatever reason I've had a hard time letting shit go. I was about to type out a letter for no reason just to get thoughts out of my head and send it to an ex-bestfriend. In the past when shit went down I was the first to let it go. It would roll off my shoulders and I was all about "is it what it is and it was what it was." Of course I used to smoke a lot of pot back day in the day, too. I'm sure that played a big role in my free spirit, not remembering, la-dee-da attitude. Though my memory is about 75% since having my son, there are still some things that bother me. So, instead of actually writing to those that don't deserve my attention, I'll leave it here. If by some weird chance those from my past come across it then so be it, if not then no harm no foul.

Dear you,

I've been lamenting for quite some time whether or not I would ever write to you. I had always been one to fix things, right wrongs, or keep friendships alive. I am no longer that person. It bothers me that you bother me. I'm not jealous, mad, sad, or glad for or about you. One reason is because I know you never really cared about me. I was just another pawn in your little game of life to get to things you wanted. I look back to see how manipulative you were to others and never thought I would feel that hand but I did and it was for the best.

I think why I'm bothered as much as I am is because of how much I truly cared for you. I went above and beyond more than anyone had ever done for you. Knowing you, you probably don't see anything you've ever done wrong. You've never put yourself in anyone else's shoes. You just wanted what you wanted and no one was going to tell you otherwise. The sad thing was that I only ever wanted you to be happy.

I've thought about writing about all the little things from the beginning to the end of us but it doesn't really matter. Not then and not now, except for one little thing. Without me, your life would be profoundly different. From the beginning to the end of us, not one major life change in the last 17 years doesn't have something because of me. And for that I can die tomorrow knowing my purpose was greater than most. I can say that my mere little existence has changed many lives for the better and not just yours, and that's pretty neat.

From what you think I know to what you don't think I know, I hope you are not the person that turned your back on your friends so long ago. I hope for the sake of your children you've learned some hard life lessons that will make them better as they grow.

I've received some divine intervention through dreams with regards to you. God wants me to have some understanding, compassion, and caution when it comes to you and your life. There were times I've woken up missing my friend and wanting you to go running with. Other times I've woken up glad you were gone. Either way everything had to happen for a reason. You had to leave me to find my soul mate and start a brand new chapter with a whole different world. And I know was the same for you.

In the end I hope you got your ass handed to you. I hope it made you a different and better person. I hope that you've had to fight for all that you have because before when life was handed to you, you didn't appreciate it. I hope life is life. Good. Bad. Beautiful.

Sincerely, Truly Merry Ms Berry

P.S. the funny thing about this letter is that it can actually go to a couple people. I guess I had more learning to do that I thought. Yay me learn stuff!