So I've been thinking about why the marriage rate is so low and the divorce rate so high(is that a repetitive sentence?) People (mostly women) still think that getting married is the key to happiness, but far from it. There are so many articles out there are about "how to get a guy" or "how to make him love you", blah blah blah. It sounds like we are plotting to land someone using ways to change ourselves for others. We are not finding, changing and reinventing ourselves from the inside out. And when we do "land" that special someone we feel that it is now that we can truly let our guard down and be who we are meant to be.
Bam, there is lies the problem! We don't know one another.We need to be ourselves from the get go.
No wonder the divorce is so high, we are getting into marriages with people that don't even know us. I myself am was one of them. I got married very quickly. so quickly that we didn't even get into a fight before we got married. After getting married and living with each other is when the shit hit the fan. We didn't know anything about one another. We didn't know each other's hot buttons. We didn't know how to talk through a fight. We didn't know how to agree to disagree. And why should be? We lived 150 miles apart the 6 months while we were dating and for 5 months after we were married. Our biggest fight up until then was the fight to be together. Sounds romantic, doesn't it? Well about after we got together?
When we started to really get to know each other during our everyday lives, we were total strangers. I resulted into going introverted and became a robot to my outside life, not really being true to him or myself. Relationships are supposed to be about becoming best of friends, about excepting one another likes and dislikes.
One of my biggest dislikes to this day is being knit-picked and told how to do something. I believe I've made it this far in life I don't need to be told how to do trivial housework and insignificant errands. I can't stand it, it makes me go all stabby stab. but with that being said, he was not taking the time to really get to know me either.
I guess both of us thought we knew one another well enough. Little did we know that we didn't know each at all. I never knew about how emotionally charged he could be and how he took it out on the world around him. in the same light he didn't know that I'm the complete opposite. i leave problems where they lie. I don't expect others to feel the wrath of a bad day at work, or even the drive home. I don't have road rage, he does. He's quick to snap, I am not. but if I am backed into a corner or not left alone to cool down I explode. And I mean loud, angry, spiteful and just plain mean. I hate that side about myself. Why would anyone want to push someone to the brink of their sanity?
we are lucky that we lasted the first year. shit, we are lucky we lasted the 2nd year. there are still times where I look at him and think "who is this person and what did I do?"
I know he is a wonderful man and I have to let go of the idea that we are "perfect" together, but no one really is. I'm never going to do everything right in his eyes and vice-versa. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Life is getting better. The fights less intense. He's accepting me and I'm accepting him, and all our little weird random pieces of each other.
So what is the solution? Treat the one your dating like a friend. Your best friend. Know one another. Figure each other. Get into those secretive uncomfortable conversations that only you and your best friend know. If they are still around then you know you have found someone that loves all of you, not just the good parts. Why wouldn't you want to know everything about someone? Why wouldn't you want someone to know everything about you? yes, it's super scary. That person could turn against you and use your inner most insecurities against you, but you have that same power. But if they did, then you know they're not the person for you. don't let anyone judge you on your secrets, we all have them. But if you let them all out, then you have none. It's super scary. But we are all weird in our own way. The more we know about who we are with, the better we can love and accept them. And if we can't except all of them the sooner we can end things. (Not saying you should).
I guess I should have titled this blog about being yourself and accepting others for who they are. Enough with the "games" of trying to just get someone. Be yourself and you will attract others like you. And don't we want someone like us?
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