Don't throw your mirror at me.

Insecurities are a tricky little fungus that's hard to recognize how and where it came from. I've been asked to elaborate on why people might do what they do.

I have found in my own personal life and observing the lives of others that usually when one party insistently accuses the other party of anything whether it's "being too nice", flirting, cheating or whatever people do, it's usually because the accusing party is actually doing the same. It's a classic situation of projection.
These people that project these kinds of feelings onto those that they say they love is because they think "well if I'm doing it then they must be doing it, too." Because if they aren't then how does that make me look as a person. They use the "eye for an eye" theory. They also believe that everyone does it, too.

Now I do understand there are some people that hold onto the past and anything that has happened they only assume it'll happen again. I've never cheated but have been cheated on. It's not fair to treat those you care for negatively because someone completely different hurt you. Everyone deserves to be treated individually.

Ok, back to insecure ramblings. Let's look at some fun examples!

I dated this guy Senor Douche Bag. No one is allowed to know or even say his name because that would make him human and he is not. Because people have souls and he doesn't. SDB (for short) was constantly telling me how I freak him out, how he doesn't trust other guys around me and how uncomfortable I seemed to make him at times. In the beginning I wouldn't stand for this kind of talk and told him that I didn't deserve to be accused of anything. I had no problem ending the relationship but he always seemed to weasel his way back. At the end of the relationship, to hurt me as bad as he possibly could, he told me he had been cheating on me almost the entire time. Also, not only that but he laso said that all the other guys I had dated had cheated on me, too. The way that he talked to me was like he knew the other guys I had dated. Yes, some of them did cheat on me, but I also know that there are guys that I dated that didn't. Matter of fact, they just weren't the cheating type. The relationships just weren't meant to be and had to be dissolved. SDB had felt to horrible about himself without even realizing it that I was a threat to him. He was jealous of my mental stability and the love that I had for myself that he was going to do anything in his power to break me. And sadly to see he almost did.

When people start spewing nonsense at you and you have no idea where it's coming from...it's coming from the reflection of their own mirror. It's what they see in themselves and in their heart, so what's on their heart is going to go into their thoughts, therefore shooting out of their mouth. They don't realize it's not real people they are a delusional bunch. Know thyself and that's it. We, all, are going to com across insecure people with either scared hearts and skeletons in their closest. Matter of fact, we ALL have a past. We all make mistakes that we HAVE to learn from. That's the best part, we can learn, live and be better. Don't hold onto the past it'll never change. Assume the best in people and more times than not you'll get it. Figure out why you feel the way you do, whether you're the accuser or the you're the accusee. Life is way too short not to be able to just let go and breathe.

Openly yours, Merry Ms Berry

Learning the lessons from Douche Bags

We will all encounter douche bags in our life, whether friend, foe or family. These are people that are so miserable with themselves that they have the need to pull people down with them to their level. I believe that these people are put in our lives by a combination of Divine and Sadistic intervention. These people are consumed by their own self-doubt and they think since they are thinking this way then everyone around them are a) having the same thought b) doing the same things they are or c) have a self righteous attitude and need to be brought down a couple of pegs. People with this mind set are miserable people. They believe they must step on others to go up in life.

I believe that God puts these kinds of people in our lives as tests. Huge, death defying, moral withstanding tests against all of your better judgements. Why? So when you come out the other side you will be rewarded with blessings beyond measure. I believe it's in these situations and experiences is when you are going to learn the most about yourself and those around you. How about a couple examples?

Senor douche bag. A 9 month, on & off, relationship. He was tall and made me laugh. Outside of those 2 traits he had nothing else positive to add to society. If he vanished off the planets we would all breathe a little bit easier. Even though he was very smart and remembered pretty much everything, he used his powers for evil. He found out and used my insecurities and vulnerabilities against me. He knew I had a soft spot and I believed in giving second chances.....which is a case by case basis. It seemed like every month I was trying to break up with him and I would let him crawl his way back in. There were even a few times during the whole mess when he would verbally abuse me with insults so bad I would cry for days. Why did I put up with this? I couldn't even give you a good reason. At the end it had gotten so bad that I had to trick into thinking that he was breaking up with me.....I KNOW! It was pretty funny when he tried to throw that into my face about how "he" broke up with me. Ha! Tard!

He said he wanted to "hurt me as bad as I hurt him". Here's the thing about that cliche line, I never hurt him. He hated himself so bad for "losing" the game that he was playing with me when I decided to leave that he pulled out all the stops. From insults, to threats, to emailing friends lies, to threatening the safety of my dog, there were no low blow punches this guy didn't try. The result of all this madness was losing people out of my life that I thought were my friends.  When I needed them the most (which is rare) they turned their backs on me.

Here comes the great part. It was all worth it!!!! I don't need people in my life that aren't real friends. And, if those supposed, fake, loser people didn't leave, I wouldn't had ventured out onto a social networking site to find old college friends, only to stumble upon my old crush. It started with 1 email. From that one email I am now married to the most amazing man! I had to lose everything that I thought was real (which wasn't) to make room for all the amazing people that stayed and filled up my heart with pure and real joy. Thanks to Senor Douche Bag, he detoxed my life for me. Isn't that wonderful!!!!

We will all go through things we won't understand right away. It's up to you to stay alive with your eyes wide open and be aware that more is coming. More wonderful, crazy, random greatness. Life is all about balance, yesh? Think about it. If you are getting dumped on with nothing but doodie, you will come out on the other end with beautiful, amazingly smelling, gorgeous flowers!!! There is always light at the end of the tunnel. Just remember to look up.

Purposely yours, Merry Ms Berry

The bush & an olive branch.

I am not without stumbling over irrational emotions even if they are deserved, and this weekend is a perfect example.

Sunday was meant for yard work. My poor hubby had to work at his job for about 4 hours in the morning and then came back and we started yard work together. I cleaned up apples and dog doo while he trimmed and cut the lawn. After that, my mind when completely blank, totally forgetting that I told him that I would help with this crazy bush growing in our fence. I went inside to cool down and relax. The next thing I know hubby is stomping around with this attitude on his face. Being the concerned and always curious wifey, I decided to find out what was wrong. With a little prying and a few repeated askings, he finally spilled out that he was frustrated that I was not outside helping with the bush. Instead of him just asking me to come out, he assumed that I thought I was done for the day and decided to take a load off. We had a few smart ass things to say to each other along the lines of "I can't read your mind, my bad" and him with "I thought you were going to help me" blah blah blah. He stormed off and I went back to sitting because, out of principal, if he wanted my help he could have just asked nicely. I really did forget about the bush, but I knew he had no right to fly off the handle about at me.

Instead of chasing him down, that's not really my m.o., I grabbed his laundry and went downstairs. There I proceeded to throw a load in the washer for him as I took mine out of the dryer. In the time I was fluffing and folding, I was going over in my head the current sitauation at hand. I got madder and madder and furious by the time I was done folding my laundry.

I grabbed my gardening gloves and flip flops. If he wanted my help, he was going to get it but not in happy wifey fashion. I attacked the bush angry and with pruning sheers, at the same time cursing him to the winds. As I unleashed on vegetation I also unleashed on him. If he wanted attitude well dagnabit he's going to get attitude and a barrage of it. I knew he would storm off, but I didn't care. I had a point to prove and the light-hearted, understanding wife had been pushed aside and the moral avenger had gotten her feelings hurt.

15-20 minutes, about 2 pounds of sweat and 20 pounds of hacked up fence twinging bush later, husband emerges cleaned up and with a glass of water. After offering me water, which I politely declined, he apologized for his attitude. Even though I was not looking at him, I did hear him. When he was finished expressing his apology I turned to him to say "Apology accepted. Thank you, I will take the water now."

I could have belittled him and tore him down, but what's the point. It was really hard for him to come out and offer an olive branch in the midst of my vegetation killing spree. I knew this and I acknowledged it. I'm not perfect and neither is he. We are both always working on our marriage and this is no exception. He went on further to say how hard it is to calm down once he gets upset and that he knows that he needs to work at it. Point taken. I showed him in my behavior how he made me feel and how he looked. Now, I really do not recommend this kind of behavior. I, myself, only know how I feel and I knew all the anger building up inside was not going to go anywhere but out. With my mom in mind (she also takes anger out on vegetation), I had to let it all go, no matter how many bodies were left behind me. But in the end it all worked out great. We didn't discuss his attitude at all after that. We went out and had a lovely time of burgers and ice cream. We love food!!!!

So the moral of my story? Don't deny your feelings, but also don't deny other people's feelings either. If they are all out on the table, no matter how they got there, it's easier to sort them out once in the open. Always be careful with someone's heart when they are apologizing. They are vulnerable and deserved to be loved and accepted.

Forgivingly, Merry Ms Berry

To be or Not "meant" to be.....

This is the ultimate question. Ever start seeing someone or actually get into a relationship but things keep getting in the way of simple bliss? Whether it's "baby mama drama", long distance, lack of communication, insecurities, jobs, school...it could be anything. Whether how big or small the situation or issue, it always seems to get in the way. The issues ends up being bigger or more important than the relationship. You hear things like "when this is over then....." or "just wait until I can do......" and it will be all better. Well, I'm here to tell you, don't hold your breath.

This is what I know about myself and the men that I've dated. No amount of time, distance or issues would keep us apart. I've had long distance relationships from 150 to 400 miles apart. Meaning I had no less than a 2.5 hour drive to see the person I cared for. Where it was city to suburbs, rebound to past hiccups, if you want to be together you will find a way.

If you find that the littlest of things are getting in the way from moving forward those are what I like to call....SIGNS! Signs that some things are just not meant to be. Just because you love someone, doesn't always mean you are meant to be together. If a relationship ends, more times than not it's meant to end for a reason. How about some examples?

Back in high school I had the biggest crush on this one guy that I thought was totally out of my league. We both began to notice each other because we had lunch together and didn't live too far from each other. We would run into each other at stores and he dated someone I had class with. Over the next couple of years things just didn't quite match up. Even though we were both very attracted to each other, things always just got in the way. I went off to school, he had a girlfriend when I was single. Then he would be single and I would have a boyfriend. I should have taken the hint but love is blind.

It took him flying across the country when we were both single for us to even have a chance to some how figure out to be together. A few months into openly discussing "us" we decided that we were going to make a go for it. After a few months of being in Maryland, he up and moved half way back towards Chicago. Ohio is closer that Maryland. Over the next 2 years we had the best of times and the worst of times. There were moments of pure bliss and there were, also, moments that we wanted to kill each other. It was too much to handle, I had to end it for the sake of my sanity. Even after he moved back to Chicago  we still could never get on the same page to see if we wanted to make a run at "us" again. After so many years of fighting, loving and figuring each other out, we just agreed that we make better friends than anything.

Even though we loved each other and saw the best and the worst from one another, some people are just not meant to end up together. There were bigger forces in the world that were trying to keep us apart, but we were both stubborn mules about it.  We both learned so much from each other as a couple and a lot as just friends. We had the opportunity to see each other through multiple sets of eyes.

Each random, failed or messy relationship is there for a reason. It's there to learn and grow from. Just because it ended didn't mean there was no purpose for it.  So just because it wasn't meant to be forever, doesn't mean it wasn't meant to be in life.

Take the time to reflect and see what you liked, didn't liked and learned from one another. This information will greatly help you not to repeat the situation in the future.

Purposely yours, Merry Ms Berry

Are you in bed with a bottle?

My blog is about relationships. Not just romantic or friendly relationships, all relationships. And when you decide to turn your back on real living and breathing people to have an obsessive relationship with a man-made substance, such as alcohol, I have a few choice things to say about it, and I have the right to.

I grew up with a father that was an alcoholic for about 1/2 my life...yup 1/2. He past away when I was 25. They say that children of alcoholics have a hard time dealing with themselves and others. We, unknowingly, tend to put themselves in dangerous situations....well its because all we know is inconsistency, cries for attention, abuse, and let downs. It's hard to understand how someone could chose the love for a bottle over the love of their children. But what I do know from walking the line of alcoholism myself is that its not about the outside world and the bliss it contains but the world inside someone's head and the torment it clings to.

So how did I get here? I was blessed to have a consistent loving mother, cut from the cloth of angels. She communicated with me my entire life about how his actions where his and they had nothing to do with me. I was able to take those words and create myself into the person I wanted to be. Without her I would fall into the cliche statistic of people, using my father's addiction as a crutch for not becoming an emotionally stable individual. 

If you are someone battling this situation that you put yourself into, most likely by accident, listen up. Take the steps to love yourself because you are hurting the people that love you. Alcohol DOES NOT numb the pain at all. It actually keeps the pain from leaving. It puts your body and mind in a constant state of influx, confusion and distraction. If you can't focus on what's hurting you how can you move past it? This path is a tormenting road that is as long or as short as you want it. It's a road that is as painful as you let it be. It only takes 1 DAY to decide whether or not you want to be on this road. ONE DAY, because that is all we are given at a time. No more, no less. BUT it's only YOU that can make that decision. Only you! Nothing or no one else in the world can make that decision for you.

If you are someone try to help someone with alcoholism that is not helping themselves, it time to let go. Those that are taking the steps want to help themselves. Those who are not taking those steps are hurting themselves and those that love them. Stop letting yourself get hurt.  Stop letting those who are ungrateful spit in your face. Yes, I said it. If you are a drunk or a user, living under the roof with the set precedent of getting better but you continue to use then its time for you to move on. Stop hurting those people that care about you by slowing killing yourself. Put yourself in their shoes!

Being someone that has walked the walk, I personally believe alcoholism is NOT a disease but a choice. I give 2 "$h!t$" what doctors say. Calling it a disease gives addicts the opportunity to fall back on that statement as an excuse not to take responsibility for their actions. I unfortunately have "that gene" that makes me highly susceptible to addiction but you don't see me making that choice to be an addict.

There's too much love in the world taking a back seat to all the self-hatred. Peek out from underneath the darkness and see us that want to smother you in your God given right to a brighter day.


Firmly yours, Merry Ms Berry (Merry by choice!)

Enough with the whining!

We are going to learn how to live on purpose, together. Act on purpose and feel with a sense of logic. Example: I love my husband because he makes me feel good about myself. Not only is that an emotional statement but it's also a logical statement. Feelings are a blessing that not all animals share, but we as humans have the ability to rationalize, justify, dissect and control how we want to feel. We don't have to just run around all pure emotion. I believe we are all meant for more than that.

People are human, and with being human we are allowed to make mistakes but we are also allowed to fix those mistakes. When you live ON purpose, you take responsibility for ALL that is happening in your life. You choose to have certain people in your life, and when choosing to keep them you have to except that they are human and are going to make mistakes. You can either except it and give them the opportunity to right the wrongs or you can have them leave, please exit stage left.

There are things in this world that are dropped in our laps with no explanation but that's just part of life. The universe is not here to crap on us, it brings things into our paths to test us. Whether we need to work on ourselves physically, emotionally or spiritually. These lessons are to be learned and if not you are deemed to repeat them. We, and I mean everyone, every.single.one.of.us, at one point in our lives will be handed a deck of cards, some good, some complete and utter SHIT! Whether a crappy parent (hint), psycho douche bags (hint), back stabbing bff's (hint) or a physical ailment brought on from outside sources (hint), we all, in one way or another will have to deal with these things.

BUT, there's hope. Because you are the only one that is in control of how you act, what you feel and how you are doing to handle said situation. So think about it....what does getting mad, whining and cursing the universe actually solve?......take your time......almost ready.......NOTHING! It solves absolutely nothing. So instead why don't you use that energy towards something that would be useful like feeling better, or loving someone or even taking a quiet stroll around the block to organize your thoughts and bless God that you are able to have another day above ground to make everything better for yourself and for the world around you (phew how about that being a run on sentence?). I know, I am the dying optimist....but we need more of "ME's" in the world. Peace, love and recycling DAMMIT!! Where's my Cape!? (see previous post about "Moral Avenger")

So in conclusion....stop blaming the world around you. Being whiny solves nothing. Take the time to sit back, regroup and keep going. Wasting energy on things that won't matter 5 years or even 1 year from now aren't worth it. Like scratched cars, flat tires, or a snagged pantyhose, it's not going to bring the world to an end, not even your world. If you fight yourself getting upset, ask yourself why and will it matter when you're on your death bed? Most likely not. Most of the time we have to go through the doodie to end up smelling like roses. (I love that saying). So learn something from the doodie.

Cosmically yours, Merry Ms Berry

P.S. my "hint" = a few cards of mine.

P.P.S I will give you a good example next. xoxo

Do you want to know if I have the answer?

If you walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper on your foot, wouldn't you want me to tell you?
If you had lipstick on your teeth, wouldn't you want me to tell you?
If you were acting totally out of line, wouldn't you want to help, calm or distract you?

When did we reach that age when we stop listening to others and start thinking we know everything? Is that even possible....to know everything? And if it were possible, would you even want to know everything? That's a lot of information and even then you would never get surprised, you would never have any peace and quiet and debates would be no fun for anyone! Also, that would be a heavy responsibility to carrying.

I was blessed at an early age to have an awareness of sorts where I would always saw the bigger picture. So that means I knew what to say and how to say it to get the desired response or an appropriate action from people. Now that does not mean I was able to control people in any manner, but more likely knew the outcomes. I thought it was a pretty neat trick to have. Outside of that I loved collecting knowledge of all sorts, from books to life experiences from others. I could sit and listen to people forever!!!! With my love for knowledge and having the ability to see outcomes of situations I gained a very strong and blunt way of speaking to people (when needed). Since I am a lover of people and just want the best for everyone, anything I did have to say was only to help others. But yes, at times the truth or a simple observation could cut a little bit....like a flick to the forehead.  There were people that truly loved and appreciated my quick wit, truthful words and ultimately, my love bite. I used to call myself the "Moral Avenger", fighter for the underdog! If I were to have a cape it would be bright pink!

At one point in my life I was told that not everyone will understand or appreciate those gifts blessed to me, and to make myself more relatable to people I needed to back off. I was really hurt by this because everything I had ever said was only to help people, bite or not. Being someone who takes constructive criticism very highly, I stopped. And from that point a little piece inside of me died.

From that point I sat back with my mouth shut as I watched people either make asses of themselves or even hurt others around them. If people didn't want to know what I knew, helping them or not, then I guess I shouldn't share. And then I realized that I was condoning bad behavior. It was only when there was a blatant disregard for human emotion is when I stepped in. It was far and few when I was able to put my superhero cape on and put assholes in their place. I didn't understand why I had to let it get to that before. It was like no one was getting a reminder of how to act, with manners!!! What happened to having manners!!!!! What happened to having respect and common courtesy for your fellow man? Why is courtesy not common any more????

Well dammit, I'm sick of sitting by and watching this disgusting human behavior happen. From today until I die, if you have the audacity to blatantly disregard another human being's feelings in front of me then I will kindly and effectively tell you what a disgrace you are and what a disservice you are doing, not only to yourself, but for mankind as a whole.

Some people just haven't removed themselves from their own bubble long enough to realize that every action has a reaction, and that goes for the words that come out of their mouth. I will help those around me be reminded what it's like to be nice to people and to use their manners. Or how about those who are just plain inconsiderate....yup you're on my chopping block too! I am not afraid and here's why. Because nothing good came out of my keeping my mouth shut. There was ample opportunity to right some wrongs with a verbal tongue lashing. Some people just need to be put in their place. It'll help everyone. One day they will see that. If not now but one day.

I AM PUTTING MY MORAL AVENGER CAPE BACK ON!!!!

Avengingly yours, Merry Ms Berry
a.k.a. Super Girl
a.k.a. Moral Avenger
a.k.a. Ice Queen of Hearts
a.k.a. Meeshmeesh

Grab your damn kid!

Let me start off with that I love children. I think those amazing little sponges are just craving knowledge. I love to watch them learn and see their eyes light up with amusement meeting new people and being at new places. I, also, love it when children have parents that are good role models.

With that being said. As parents it is NOT okay to go to a party or a "friends & family" event and expect people to watch over your child, especially the hosts of the party. It is rude and does not set a good example to your child about having respect for other people's homes and/or time.

I had the opportunity to throw my sister's bridal shower with the help of my mom and a few of my sister's best friends. We had a party of close to 30 people. While no one person had "the most" to do, it was just a few people that were actually handling the party itself. We did not specify on the invitation whether children were allowed or not, leaving it up to the discretion of the parents, only because we have single parent friends that can't always get babysitters....totally understandable. Without going into grave detail of people's bad decision making in the past, we still had 3 children from the ages of 1 1/2 to 3. 3 children is not a large number of kids at all, especially since they were good mannered children, meaning not throwing fits and screaming. Except that one of the parents did not take the full responsibility of watching her son, letting him touch and climb over anything, not only endangering himself but the valuable heirlooms scattered around my grandmother's house. Not only did she feel that everyone was entitled to raise her child while at our party, but it was one of my sister's best friends and myself that were handling this child most of the day. The 2 people that were actually the gist of the party.

So not only were we taking care of food, drinks, our guests, and staying on top of cleaning this gorgeous home we were privileged to be using, but playing babysitter for a woman who felt that she had no responsibility and was entitled to completely enjoy the party, with no mind to her child. Not only did that feeling of babysitter wear out fast for myself, but also for the women helping me.

How is that fair? How is that acceptable?

The best part! As she was leaving she turns to me while I actually got time to sit down (at the end of the day) and enjoy my glass of wine and says "We're leaving. I just need 5 minutes to myself." OMFG!!! Excuse me but you've been enjoying the party for 85% of the time sitting on your ass while everyone else watched your son. ON TOP of that I didn't even get to sit down and enjoy my meal of any sorts because I was up and down chasing said child.

So....to those parents who feel they can just let their children roam free at parties, causing what destruction they may....JUST STOP IT! BE PARENTS! BE RESPONSIBLE PARENTS!!!! WATCH YOUR CHILDREN.....ALL THE TIME!!!! You wanted to have them and now it's up to you to take care of them. Family or not, the only person responsible for your children is you.....and especially NOT a host of a party.

ooooommmmmmm(ingly) yours, Merry Ms Berry
a.k.a. not your babysitter.

When to hide & when to overload....

We have all heard that life is about balance. From breathing in and then out, eating to pooping, happy to sad, buying new stuff and throwing out the old. The same should go for your emotional health. If you are dealing with your emotions and have given yourself more than ample time sitting in the dark, pondering what happen and still don't have answers, then it's time to get up and start doing something. A lot of the time we are able to meditate, sulk, mope or cry our ways to the answers that we are seeking, like a bolt of lightening it just strikes us and we have the "Ah-ha" moment. Then there are times where the more we think about it the more confused we get and we become tortured by those thoughts and experiences that are readily available, instead of the getting the deeper meanings of things. After taking that time and getting no where, get up, get out and consume yourself with so much that you will be inundated information. Who cares what kind of information it is, you never know where an idea or your answer may spur from.

Example: For the sake of my emotional and mental well being, I left my first love after 4 years of obsessing over him, 2 years of dating and a broken engagement. It was a very intense relationship of  a lot of "firsts" that I will only have. But I had to go. Even though I was the one with the smoking gun it still hurt to leave. I had questioned myself constantly, wondering where I could have been better, how could I have loved him more or was I that bad of a girlfriend to make us fight all the time. After some time I couldn't take these thoughts so I opened myself up to the world and just kept myself busy. Busy busy busy! I had 3 part time jobs, with a combined average of 65 hours a week in work, sometimes more, sometimes less. I knew I was pushing myself but I enjoyed each job. The thing is that even though your main focus is constantly there, those thoughts will always find a couple of seconds to flood back in, if you like it or not.

I found that the more I worked the more I was surrounded by people. The more people I was around and able to talk to the more I was able to find different answers, experiences and situations that helped figure out my own crap. You don't have to take anyone's advice, I never had. I would collect information from an array of different sources and then see each little piece that might help me. I am a collection of the world. We all handle life differently, but we all have to handle life. Seek out others because more likely than not someone has figured it out faster, better and more effectively than you have. Learn that way and then you can help someone else in the future.

Sharing the love, always Merry Ms Berry

Today is about me....

It's always good to have a stable relationship with yourself, and for all those who think I'm all butterflies and rainbows 24/7, you are wrongly mistaken. I'm human. I didn't get good sleep because I kept on getting woken up, I had to clean up my kitchen this morning and all together I woke up on "the wrong side" of the bed. And ya know what....I'm okay with that. I'm perfectly fine with being short with people, not giving my all, and particularly fond of verbally putting people in their place with the mindset that I am in. I look at it this way, if God didn't want them to cross me, He wouldn't. So there is a reason why I am in this mood and why I'm getting crossed. Sometimes you just need to have the icky kind of day to really appreciate the better days. Or for that fact, let everyone else appreciate me in a better mood.

People tend to forget that I AM allowed to be me, and that covers many facets of being me. If you come to me and start whining about stupid shit, I will tell you it "actually" is. We just don't know "how" I am going to tell you, but either way it's going to be beneficial for all. If you know someone that needs a verbal "one two" to the chin, please don't hesitate to send them my way. I am in that feisty kind of mood.

Yes, I do believe that love can solve 98% of all problems because that's what everyone in the world actually needs, either love from someone else or love of themselves. BUT, sometimes the best kind of love comes with a kick in the ass. Like telling bad children no, pretty girls to stop sleeping around, and bad bosses to stop acting like assholes. We all need to be told "no" once in awhile. Love is dishing out EXACTLY what someone needs. And right now I could use a bit of Christmas Sparkly Cheer. And for those who know me best, I'll be home at 6:15pm, bring rootbeer.

Grudgingly yours, Bitey Ms Berry

Easy vs. Right?

When has the question of doing the right thing & doing the easy thing ever become an option in people's minds? This is not your typical "Berry one on one" blog, but it still have to do with people's relationships with others.

I've been making some simple observations as I have been my entire life and easy doesn't always stay easy, on the contrary it becomes harder over time. Let's view an example.

I have friends and family that in their early childhood had it pretty easy. They never really had to bust their ass for much and they were rarely told "no". It's not that they were incapable but their parents we able to spoil them with whatever they wanted, whether money, cars, clothes or vacations. Now that they are older and more mature adults, they are the ones that I see struggling mentally, emotionally and even financially. When it comes to having the "the rubber meet the road" they look for the easy way out, thinking that they should just bide their time before someone can  save them. Doesn't that mean that they are compromising their morals and values...or what are their morals and values? I often wonder what keeps them from throwing caution to the mind and doing what is right instead of what's easy? How is putting yourself in a shitty situation because it's easier actually easier?

Ok, here's an example of the other side of the coin. Those without.

First, small children do not know what it means to live without. As long as they have mom and dad's love all is right with the world. Most of them of would even prefer to be without clothing, so kiss off your designer labels. Poop is still poop whether it's in Gucci or Target.

I grew up with everything that I needed.....NOT everything I wanted. My parents were growing a business, my dad was an interesting character to have as a role model and if I wanted something that my parents couldn't or didn't want to provide after the age of 15, I had to get it for myself. PERIOD. If I wanted something outside of my needs, I had to get it myself. Also, emotionally I tore myself apart trying to learn what was the best for me. I tried being a sheep and do what every one else was doing, but I found that it never fit who I wanted to be. I've also watched friends in the same situations battle the same battles I was.

Of course we all wanted the fancy totebags and the trendiest shoes but looking back now it just wasn't that important. I was more of a girl for comfort, not for fashion. I knew as a teenager that if "the popular people" (or anyone for that matter) were going to judge me on what I wore instead of the person that I was on the inside then they: 1) sucked as humans 2) had no taste in people 3) lacked social skills and 4) were not going to be fun to have as friends anyway. (FYI, I had and still have the bestest friends ever!!!)))

I am NOT without mistakes, mess ups, arrest and compromise. But I freely manned up and took responsibility for all my actions and made conscious decisions whether or not I would do those mistakes again. I've put myself in relationships where my morals and values were compromised and immediately took myself out, no matter on who, what or where. If I didn't have my morals and values backing me up what did I really have to stand on for making my other life decisions? I find myself wanting to make the right decision, no matter how hard it may be, because I know in the long run it will make life easier. It's like knowing you have to break up with that crazy boyfriend because he's not your "forever" but it's hard because you see his potential to be amazing. Well, you can't build a life on potential. It's like revving your car in the driveway. Yes you can hear and maybe "feel" the power but you're still not going anywhere.

Also, those who grew up without have found out what life is really all about. It's about appreciating the little things that are not in your control. They dig deeper into their relationships and hold them and those around them to a higher level of thoughts and feelings. Yes, it's nice to have nice things. It's also way better to have those around you that you love so much that in a crisis when all your stuff fails, its those people that have your back. But it's not easy!!!! You have to stand your ground and make personal scarifies to have those people in  your life. You are who you hang out with. If you hang out with shit....well what do you become? mmm hmmm, do I need to say it?

If we lead by example of what is right, then we would never have to "watch our backs" or worry about what's next to come. We've lost our faith in mankind because every one is looking for the easy way, potentially messing it up for others. Well stop it!

Man up!

Stubbornly yours, Merry Ms Berry