The bush & an olive branch.

I am not without stumbling over irrational emotions even if they are deserved, and this weekend is a perfect example.

Sunday was meant for yard work. My poor hubby had to work at his job for about 4 hours in the morning and then came back and we started yard work together. I cleaned up apples and dog doo while he trimmed and cut the lawn. After that, my mind when completely blank, totally forgetting that I told him that I would help with this crazy bush growing in our fence. I went inside to cool down and relax. The next thing I know hubby is stomping around with this attitude on his face. Being the concerned and always curious wifey, I decided to find out what was wrong. With a little prying and a few repeated askings, he finally spilled out that he was frustrated that I was not outside helping with the bush. Instead of him just asking me to come out, he assumed that I thought I was done for the day and decided to take a load off. We had a few smart ass things to say to each other along the lines of "I can't read your mind, my bad" and him with "I thought you were going to help me" blah blah blah. He stormed off and I went back to sitting because, out of principal, if he wanted my help he could have just asked nicely. I really did forget about the bush, but I knew he had no right to fly off the handle about at me.

Instead of chasing him down, that's not really my m.o., I grabbed his laundry and went downstairs. There I proceeded to throw a load in the washer for him as I took mine out of the dryer. In the time I was fluffing and folding, I was going over in my head the current sitauation at hand. I got madder and madder and furious by the time I was done folding my laundry.

I grabbed my gardening gloves and flip flops. If he wanted my help, he was going to get it but not in happy wifey fashion. I attacked the bush angry and with pruning sheers, at the same time cursing him to the winds. As I unleashed on vegetation I also unleashed on him. If he wanted attitude well dagnabit he's going to get attitude and a barrage of it. I knew he would storm off, but I didn't care. I had a point to prove and the light-hearted, understanding wife had been pushed aside and the moral avenger had gotten her feelings hurt.

15-20 minutes, about 2 pounds of sweat and 20 pounds of hacked up fence twinging bush later, husband emerges cleaned up and with a glass of water. After offering me water, which I politely declined, he apologized for his attitude. Even though I was not looking at him, I did hear him. When he was finished expressing his apology I turned to him to say "Apology accepted. Thank you, I will take the water now."

I could have belittled him and tore him down, but what's the point. It was really hard for him to come out and offer an olive branch in the midst of my vegetation killing spree. I knew this and I acknowledged it. I'm not perfect and neither is he. We are both always working on our marriage and this is no exception. He went on further to say how hard it is to calm down once he gets upset and that he knows that he needs to work at it. Point taken. I showed him in my behavior how he made me feel and how he looked. Now, I really do not recommend this kind of behavior. I, myself, only know how I feel and I knew all the anger building up inside was not going to go anywhere but out. With my mom in mind (she also takes anger out on vegetation), I had to let it all go, no matter how many bodies were left behind me. But in the end it all worked out great. We didn't discuss his attitude at all after that. We went out and had a lovely time of burgers and ice cream. We love food!!!!

So the moral of my story? Don't deny your feelings, but also don't deny other people's feelings either. If they are all out on the table, no matter how they got there, it's easier to sort them out once in the open. Always be careful with someone's heart when they are apologizing. They are vulnerable and deserved to be loved and accepted.

Forgivingly, Merry Ms Berry