This is for my Mommy!!!!

Yes, I am a grown woman in her 30's and I call my mom "Mommy". I'm her baby and always will be! So don't ever stop to think that I'll ever forget that.

MY MOM IS AWESOME!!!!! And every single person that meets her can vouch for that.

One of my posts had upset her when I was talking about my pain for years past. If I was hurting, she was the one to heal my pain. Being the most loving woman EVER, she would have only assumed that she could read minds and know everything about her children. Well, here's the thing. I was super sneaky in a way where I knew the burden she already carried and I would be damned if I added more to her shoulders. I was put into her life to ease her struggle and bring light and laughter into her life. I know this! We are given to our parents for a reason, whether they need to protect us or we need to protect them. Even the youngest of shoulders are wise to the angst of the world.

My mother was raised to be as perfect as possible which in a sense, she was being set up for disaster. No one can be perfect....NO ONE!!!! She carried the weight of our whole family and she is the strongest woman I know. I was blessed with being a visionary from a very, very young age, knowing that my parents had faults but I can see them trying their hardest to provide. As kids, all we really ever needed was their love and that's exactly what we got. I saw things and understood my parents long before my peers hit puberty. With great knowledge came great responsibility, and for that I stuck to her side. I was blessed to have my mom all to my self at a time in both our lives where change was great and the opportunity to become greater women was upon us. AND IT WAS A BLAST!!!!!

I, as a teenager, coming into my own and my mom as a new divorcee, having the chance to reinvent herself. She brought her wisdom from the years and I was able to bring a fresh insight and perspective to the world around us. We were a lethal combination of goofy laughter with witty punch. If we were a cocktail we be mimosas! Vitamin C with bubbles!!!! She helped me become a woman and I helped her find the happy, inner child of letting go.

Mom, I know you're going to read this. I love you so much! I only hope I can be half the woman you are to me. You are so kind and wise beyond your generation and have a heart bigger than the universe. I know you are conditioned to always tell me what to do and how to do it and I will always appreciate that because it means you love me. I can't wait to bless you with grand-babies and enjoy the many continuous chapters of our lives.

Humbly, Merry Ms Berry (baby dinky)

Gimme a break, gimme a break, break me off a.......nevermind!

A wonderful girlfriend on mine who I love love love asked for this particular topic to be covered. When to take a break. This is specifically for those who are single and just "dating". 

Somewhere between soap operas and Cosmopolitan magazines, women came up with this idea that it's NOT okay to be alone. And I say WHY THE HELL NOT?!?! Whether you are just new to the world of being single, a single parent trying to make ends meet or have had a string of unsuccessful potentials fall by the way side, sometimes you just need the relationship crap to stop. 

If you have ever felt defeated, exhausted or just plain annoyed with the thought of another date or dealing with another whiny guy's issues, you have reached that point. Take a break! More times than not, when one relationship ended I did NOT want another one to deal with. I had thoughts and feelings of my own that needed to be sorted out and repaired. Why should I have to put my feelings aside just because someone wants to give me attention? Well, maybe I don't want your attention. Maybe I don't want to deal with you. Maybe I just want to sit at home with my dog and zone out on a blank wall....IN PEACE! 

Everyone needs time to heal and regroup, or just figure out what's next. I have found that it's in that time of being alone with my thoughts is when I truly got to know myself and really learn what I wanted more for and from myself. If you are not happy with yourself, you are not going to make anyone truly happy and no one will make you truly happy. How can you expect someone to love the little intricacies of you if you don't love them yourself? Taking time for just yourself repairs so much more than broken hearts. It gives you the opportunity to change yourself into someone stronger and wiser. You can reflect from an outsider's point of view, as if you have an out of body experience, floating above yourself, and seeing things with a whole new set of eyes. It's quite wonderful. Also, it gives you the chance to really figure out what you want next. Whether that be nothing at all or creating the perfect soul mate in your mind. If you don't know exactly what you want then how is the universe supposed to bless you with it?


Don't listen to those people that tell you that you NEED to be with someone. You NEED to do what you are COMFORTABLE with. If you get queasy thinking about putting an effort towards relationship bull-doodie then.....DON'T DO IT. I know plenty of people who are at peace with just being with themselves knowing that when they are ready for more then they just switch gears and put the vibe out. Being or trying to be in a relationship should be fun and exciting, not like a job with constant worry or dread. Also, I've found that after taking time for yourself when you are ready great people will just drop into your life, kinda a like a prize for the universe say "Good job, have a present."


Cosmically yours, Merry Ms Berry

Pain is there to learn from

We all will experience pain, both physical and emotional. Pain is part of God's tests. You see in it movies all the time. Someone is stripped of everything and everyone they love or think they have control of, only to learn a different and bigger lesson of life and always down a completely different path then what they "wanted". Your plan more times than is not His plan. Needs and wants are forcefully examined by these trying experiences in one's life.

From an very early age I've experienced a lot of both mental, emotional and physical pain. Coincidentally, all this pain actually fed off of each other. I had to learn to let go of what ever emotional pain that I was torturing myself with to feel the physcial pain go away. I was that child & then teenager, that was worried about the world around them. What did people think of me? Was my family going to be okay? Am I good enough for their love? I always put other peoples' feeling before my own.  These are things that some adults don't care to bother themselves with. But I came to find out how blessed I truly was to have the strength as a young girl to carry such burdens in my heart. Because now as a grown woman I am able to share my lessons through letting my pain go to end up at peace with myself and my physical body. Not too many people can say that.

From the stress that I caused myself in relationships, whether with my parents, friends, or teachers, I ended up with severe muscle knots in my entire back, causing my whole bone structure to shift. This shift lead to hip problems, grinding knees and faulty ankles, not to much excruciating pain back. Pain where there were days I couldn't get out of bed. That worry also led to ulcers. Stabbing, debilitating ulcers that would throw me to the ground. Still all of this didn't stop me from being active in sport. It just meant knee braces and a lot of drugs to keep the pain bearable.

And here's the thing about all of it, no one knew about it. I told almost no one. It wasn't until I was physically unable to hold myself up is when people would take notice. Yes, my family knew some of this pain, but I never looked for anyone's sympathy. Why should I put more stress on the people I loved because of my pain? After a few mental breakdowns and actual breakthroughs I was able to come to the realization that no amount of worrying or control was ever going to help anything or anyone. People were going to be people and the world was going to continue whether or not I cared myself into sickness. God has a plan and I learned to trust that plan.

I started to take care of me and only me. Yes, I still loved and respected my friends and family but it was not my job to protect them from themselves. It took it upon myself to respect myself as much as I did them. After all, who was protecting me? No one. We all have to take responsibility for ourselves. I readily available, in case they needed me. And guess what happened when I started to focus on just me and not the anguish of the world. I started to get better. Slowly. I learned about calm breathing, meditation, smokey festivities, talking and sharing your thoughts and fears. Writing poetry, painting pictures, taking walks or just lying there in silence to let my thoughts clear or let the tears flow. OMG!!! Crying!!! More people need to cry! It's one the most emotional freeing experiences ever! It connects you to others, you can feel what they feel. It's emotions turned into something physical. Cry out your anger and it's like a fog is lifted and you can see your answers in front of you.

If you are not learning from your pain, you're not learning how to live. Learn to let go and thank your blessing that you are strong enough to go through the pain. Because in the end you will go through it and end up better on the other side.

live and love life, Merry Ms Berry

Who's in control?

I didn't have an easy, stable childhood but it wasn't horrible either. I was able to pick up little nuggets of life from a very early age and for that, I will be forever grateful. My father was a wild man! My father always wanted total control, and over what I will never know. He didn't let anyone talk shit to him, he never backed down from a fight, he would quit jobs if his boss was a jerk, and his opinion was the only right opinion in the house. Now that might seem a little hard to deal with and it kinda was, but it made us see that we have the right NOT to take anyone's shit.

One of the most memorable thing I can remember my dad telling me (which is totally ironic) is that "the only person that can get you mad is yourself".

Now stop and think about it. Only you can get you mad. Who are you giving power to make you change your mood? If you were in a bad mood and wanted to stay in a bad mood the likelihood of me changing that mood to good is slim to none. Yesh? Well how about the other way around? If you are in a good mood and want to stay in a good mood, why you would let someone take that away from you?

Senor douche bag, ex-problem in my life used to call me names and use every insecurity against me to hurt me.....and for a brief time I let him. I let him without knowing that I was. I was giving him time, space and power over my emotions. Then, when a good friend of mine asked me why, I had no answer. Why was I? I have all the power I need to stay happy. If he's going to come after me, physically, I have more than enough friends to defend me (which I honestly did forget). If something were to happen it would happen outside of my control, no matter how I worried or didn't worry. The only control I had was over me. Over not picking up the phone. Over not believing the horrible lies he "tried" using against me. Control over knowing who I am. And complete control over me and the love that I have for myself, my mood and my well being.  Not your parents, lovers, friends or strangers can take that away from you!!!!! If someone tries, hang up the phone or kick the bastards in the shin and fart in their face while their down!!!!! Unless you're like me and can't fart on command, then kick to the shin kicking!

You are always in control of you!

Loving yous!!!! Merry Ms Berry

Mary Poppins & a wicked flying monkey

We are born to the parents that we are supposed to be born to. Good or bad as they may be, they are HUMAN! I believe we are put with our parents to learn the most from them, and them from us. Whether to be like them or to NOT be like them. In my case it was an equal balance of what to do and what NOT to do, in shaping the person I wanted and should be.

I learned a long time ago, the "light bulb above the head action" that my parents were human AND that since they've been alive a hella-lot longer than I had that I might want to listen to them. And learn from them. I stuck by their sides and tried to listen to their stories (that were in English) as much as possible. Then when I was able to start forming sequential thoughts about myself, I started asking my parents about their lives, their mistakes and successes. I was and will always be a sponge. I don't know everything in the world, but I can certainly ask about everything.

I saw my mom's battles against my dad. My dad being from the "Old country" (Poland) his mentality on providing for a family and having a home were much different from my mom's. His word was law and it didn't matter how he behaved or misbehaved. My mom being raised in a female servant mentality household held onto what little hope she had that things work out for the better. My father was a character and I can see why my mom fell in love with him, but for all the good things there were more bad things that came along. From verbal abuse to alcohol abuse, it was a very inconsistent life.

I came away from so many wonderful insights to life from my parents, I would never change it in the world. Yes, I wish he was around more, but maybe it's a blessing in disguise that he wasn't. I learned from my mom that you can find the silver lining in everything because it can always get worse. I learned to roll with the punches and to appreciate the little things like having 3 different kinds of ice cream in the freezer. I learned from my dad what I don't want in a mate and through trials and tribulations, I found the perfect one for me.

From what I have learned, I know have some of the best friends in the world and the most amazing husband that is my perfect match, down to the crazy fights that we have had. I love him so much and he fits into my family as much as I fit into his. I have a whole new family to call my own that is so wonderful, without the lessons from my mom and dad, I would never get to have.

Was it hard? At times I felt broken inside. Was it easy? At times I was on top of the world. But doesn't everybody go through a life like that?


Best-est-s!!!! Merry Ms Berry

Learn to hang up the phone

If I were your friend and someone was obsessively calling you I would steal your phone and put it on silent. Ya know why, because that's exactly what I wished someone had done for me.

I dated this guy that was completely psycho and when I wanted out he threatened to make my life hell because he said he wanted to hurt me like I was hurting him, even though I just wanted to leave. He was one big giant (and ugly) ball on insecurity. The messed up part is that I was in such an open and giving place and I didn't have the heart to hurt this guy. I saw what he tortured himself with everyday but it wasn't until he went after my friends and family is when I had to put a stop to it.

At the time, I wish I would have turned off my cell and gotten a new number. I thought since I had my number for so long that I needed to keep it. I do love my cell phone number but the people that would need it are the same people's numbers that I have memorized.  Ok, if you lose a friend because of a bad relationship, they weren't your friends.

By the grace of God, I will never cross paths with this douche bag again. But learn from me!!! You are worthy of love and grace! Anything less and just hang up the phone and go for a walk.

MryMsBry

Insecurities...you're not just hurting yourself

Whether you're the one freaking out on your loved one or the one being freaked out on, insecurities from either end help NOTHING!!!! At one time, being a psych-major you learn more about your ticks and the ticks of those closest around you (not bug but quirks). You get to psychoanalyze your friends and family, and they really don't get a choice, especially when you have a term paper to write.

A classic example of insecurity issues are having feelings projected out. Feelings and fears are thrown upon others, away from the true owner, onto those around them. Example: a man-whore calling me a slut, even though I never fooled around outside of MY relationships. There are so many examples that I am not going to bother you with them. If you find yourself making someone feel bad because you feel bad about yourself, that's exactly the problem. Bottom line, get out of your own head!!!! Yes, we all have "feelings" about situations, but more times that not, we make up stories in our own heads to justify how we are actually feeling about ourselves.

How do I know this? Because I have been with some of the most insecure weenies ever! Also, I am such an open book and so honest about who I am, faults and all, that people have a tendency to try to make me feel bad about it. People think that just because I am the way I am, that I expect them to be the same. I could care less. If you want to plot, hide and justify whatever you are hiding behind in  your own head, those are your issues and you are welcome to keep them to yourself. If you want to be open and free and NOT get judged for being the real you, then I DO care and want you to feel that you can be that way, especially around me. Embrace the weirdness that is yourself.

If you are not lying, cheating, plotting or conniving, them no one should have you feel bad about being you. If they are, it's because they feel about about themselves and want someone on their level to make themselves feel better. Stop, think and react (if appropriate).

Here's the thing. Whether you spazz out or not, if someone is going to cheat or leave, they will do so. It doesn't matter if you phone stalk them, put them down, lift them or spoil them with love. Some people are just not meant to be together. If a relationships is meant to be, it will be. If you find yourself having to plot against someone then you need to take a step back and move on. Things that are meant to be are work, but it will flow easily. I hope this makes sense. If not, please let me know and I'll give you examples. 

Love Merry Ms Berry