We all will experience pain, both physical and emotional. Pain is part of God's tests. You see in it movies all the time. Someone is stripped of everything and everyone they love or think they have control of, only to learn a different and bigger lesson of life and always down a completely different path then what they "wanted". Your plan more times than is not His plan. Needs and wants are forcefully examined by these trying experiences in one's life.
From an very early age I've experienced a lot of both mental, emotional and physical pain. Coincidentally, all this pain actually fed off of each other. I had to learn to let go of what ever emotional pain that I was torturing myself with to feel the physcial pain go away. I was that child & then teenager, that was worried about the world around them. What did people think of me? Was my family going to be okay? Am I good enough for their love? I always put other peoples' feeling before my own. These are things that some adults don't care to bother themselves with. But I came to find out how blessed I truly was to have the strength as a young girl to carry such burdens in my heart. Because now as a grown woman I am able to share my lessons through letting my pain go to end up at peace with myself and my physical body. Not too many people can say that.
From the stress that I caused myself in relationships, whether with my parents, friends, or teachers, I ended up with severe muscle knots in my entire back, causing my whole bone structure to shift. This shift lead to hip problems, grinding knees and faulty ankles, not to much excruciating pain back. Pain where there were days I couldn't get out of bed. That worry also led to ulcers. Stabbing, debilitating ulcers that would throw me to the ground. Still all of this didn't stop me from being active in sport. It just meant knee braces and a lot of drugs to keep the pain bearable.
And here's the thing about all of it, no one knew about it. I told almost no one. It wasn't until I was physically unable to hold myself up is when people would take notice. Yes, my family knew some of this pain, but I never looked for anyone's sympathy. Why should I put more stress on the people I loved because of my pain? After a few mental breakdowns and actual breakthroughs I was able to come to the realization that no amount of worrying or control was ever going to help anything or anyone. People were going to be people and the world was going to continue whether or not I cared myself into sickness. God has a plan and I learned to trust that plan.
I started to take care of me and only me. Yes, I still loved and respected my friends and family but it was not my job to protect them from themselves. It took it upon myself to respect myself as much as I did them. After all, who was protecting me? No one. We all have to take responsibility for ourselves. I readily available, in case they needed me. And guess what happened when I started to focus on just me and not the anguish of the world. I started to get better. Slowly. I learned about calm breathing, meditation, smokey festivities, talking and sharing your thoughts and fears. Writing poetry, painting pictures, taking walks or just lying there in silence to let my thoughts clear or let the tears flow. OMG!!! Crying!!! More people need to cry! It's one the most emotional freeing experiences ever! It connects you to others, you can feel what they feel. It's emotions turned into something physical. Cry out your anger and it's like a fog is lifted and you can see your answers in front of you.
If you are not learning from your pain, you're not learning how to live. Learn to let go and thank your blessing that you are strong enough to go through the pain. Because in the end you will go through it and end up better on the other side.
live and love life, Merry Ms Berry
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