The dying optimists. If you are someone that keeps "putting up with", "taking back", "giving 1 more chance" to someone who promises to change but ultimately doesn't ever change. Ask yourself this "would you ever treat someone the way you are being treated?"
.
.
.
.......Keep thinking about it.
.
.
.
If the answer is "no" then why are you letting yourself get treated like that. You are a person of your word, or you wouldn't be lying (straight up lying to your face) to yourself to think that this is what you deserve. Time to write the "pros & cons" list. One for one. Yes, the feeling of love is stronger than lonely, but one good is equal to one bad. There are BILLIONS of people on the planet, all shapes and sizes, would cling to something bad. You deserve to be with the one you are meant to be with. The one that you can trust, be open and completely vulnerable with, every moment or every second on your life. If you are not with that person, then in your heart you know you deserve more. Take time to make sure that your brain and your heart are on the same page. If not....email me and I'll personally come kick you in the ass.
Loveloves! MerryMsBerry
May 31, 2011
How real I am....
If I have ever made anyone feel like I am better than them, I'm not. We are all equal across the board. Some people know more in one area than another, but in the end we are balance out to be the same. With that being said....I, too, sometimes go off the rational end of the edge of emotions. I love my husband, though he drives me to the brink.
I am a student in life just like we all are but I do not handle jealousy or insecurities in my relationship very well. The Berry's were out and about that amazing city of Chicago last weekend with husband's friends in from "po-dunk" to go the Cubs game and to paint the town red. I ran into an ex-bf that doesn't really see "eye to eye" with the husband, but I'm not going to go out of my way to be rude. I saw the ex's little sister & cousin who I absolutely adore, so of course I was going to take 5 minutes of my life to catch up with them. I believe that the whole encounter outside of drinking and dancing last maybe 10 minutes. Nothing crazy....right? Wrong!
On the way home and many many many tasty alcoholic beverages later, a heated conversation arose about the "ex situation" some 5 hours earlier. Of course, I'm the bad guy and I defend the ex, which I wasn't but I also cannot control anyone, nor do I try (how exhausting would that be.) But since I was not being listened to and getting verbally attacked, the lesser of my human nature got the best of me and the next thing I knew, a big slice of Giordano's stuffed pizza in a to-go box goes flying from my hand (Cub's pitcher style) and right into the side of husband's drunken, rambling, Butch face!
Yes! I AM HUMAN! I am not perfect, I lose it too. I have to take a step back and try to see my world from other's eyes. It is not easy. You are not crazy! Its very hard to see your life from my eyes. That is why I am here. And if you ever meet me in this kind of situation, please please please feel from to tell how not to jump on my husband like a rabid monkey trying to bite his ear off (hypothetically of course.)
Love you! MerryMsBerry
I am a student in life just like we all are but I do not handle jealousy or insecurities in my relationship very well. The Berry's were out and about that amazing city of Chicago last weekend with husband's friends in from "po-dunk" to go the Cubs game and to paint the town red. I ran into an ex-bf that doesn't really see "eye to eye" with the husband, but I'm not going to go out of my way to be rude. I saw the ex's little sister & cousin who I absolutely adore, so of course I was going to take 5 minutes of my life to catch up with them. I believe that the whole encounter outside of drinking and dancing last maybe 10 minutes. Nothing crazy....right? Wrong!
On the way home and many many many tasty alcoholic beverages later, a heated conversation arose about the "ex situation" some 5 hours earlier. Of course, I'm the bad guy and I defend the ex, which I wasn't but I also cannot control anyone, nor do I try (how exhausting would that be.) But since I was not being listened to and getting verbally attacked, the lesser of my human nature got the best of me and the next thing I knew, a big slice of Giordano's stuffed pizza in a to-go box goes flying from my hand (Cub's pitcher style) and right into the side of husband's drunken, rambling, Butch face!
Yes! I AM HUMAN! I am not perfect, I lose it too. I have to take a step back and try to see my world from other's eyes. It is not easy. You are not crazy! Its very hard to see your life from my eyes. That is why I am here. And if you ever meet me in this kind of situation, please please please feel from to tell how not to jump on my husband like a rabid monkey trying to bite his ear off (hypothetically of course.)
Love you! MerryMsBerry
May 27, 2011
Bad Boys = Red Flag!!!!
Women! We are all guilty of being with or going after a "bad boy". Our maternal instincts kick in, we believe deep down all people are good and we think that with enough love they'll turn into the wonderful man or woman you see inside. Yup, I've been there too. And no, they won't change, not even for you. It's because we often mistake cockiness or confidence.
Here are some red flags.
1. they've cheated on every relationship, but somehow "you're different". No, you're not.
2. Fights ensue over nothing but somehow you come out as the bad guy. You've done nothing wrong as yet you get accused of cheating, lying or sneaking around. This is called "projecting". It means they are actually doing those things to you.
3. They travel with a lot of drama in their life. They can't let go people or issues from the past that would make yours and their life better. Whether its pictures of old ex's, ex's that don't seem to get the hint, old booty calls that "don't get the hint". They are in their life for a reason, they're not letting go of them.
4. They are either calling you every 20 seconds or they go days without a single word. There's no middle ground. That means they don't trust you because they can't be trusted.
5. You make excuses for him or her for their bad behavior. (Ex. he's been hurt before and has his wall up. She had a rough childhood. He's torn on what he is and who he wants to be). BLAH BLAH BLAH!
6. You're constantly doing them favors.
7. When you say "he's not like that when its just me and him". That means he's a 2 faced douche bag! Of course he's going to be nice to you when you're alone, he's getting laid. Out in public he doesn't have to because he or she knows you're not going to make a scene. (except me, I'm all about making scenes. You have the gall to talk shit, I have the balls to put you in your place.)
That's just a few RED FLAGS that I came up with off the top of my head. I know if I sat here for a little longer I could think of more. But you get the point. Some people are just douche bags, male or female. Deep down, not everyone is good and you should not be with them. Some people deserve to rot alone in their own ickyness. Good people are consistent, giving and courteous. If you don't make yourself a priority, who will?
With all my love, MerryMsBerry
Here are some red flags.
1. they've cheated on every relationship, but somehow "you're different". No, you're not.
2. Fights ensue over nothing but somehow you come out as the bad guy. You've done nothing wrong as yet you get accused of cheating, lying or sneaking around. This is called "projecting". It means they are actually doing those things to you.
3. They travel with a lot of drama in their life. They can't let go people or issues from the past that would make yours and their life better. Whether its pictures of old ex's, ex's that don't seem to get the hint, old booty calls that "don't get the hint". They are in their life for a reason, they're not letting go of them.
4. They are either calling you every 20 seconds or they go days without a single word. There's no middle ground. That means they don't trust you because they can't be trusted.
5. You make excuses for him or her for their bad behavior. (Ex. he's been hurt before and has his wall up. She had a rough childhood. He's torn on what he is and who he wants to be). BLAH BLAH BLAH!
6. You're constantly doing them favors.
7. When you say "he's not like that when its just me and him". That means he's a 2 faced douche bag! Of course he's going to be nice to you when you're alone, he's getting laid. Out in public he doesn't have to because he or she knows you're not going to make a scene. (except me, I'm all about making scenes. You have the gall to talk shit, I have the balls to put you in your place.)
That's just a few RED FLAGS that I came up with off the top of my head. I know if I sat here for a little longer I could think of more. But you get the point. Some people are just douche bags, male or female. Deep down, not everyone is good and you should not be with them. Some people deserve to rot alone in their own ickyness. Good people are consistent, giving and courteous. If you don't make yourself a priority, who will?
With all my love, MerryMsBerry
May 25, 2011
don't take my word on it.....
I'm only talking from experience.
I know that there are going to be skeptics that think that I'm talking out of my ass, and for that fact, aren't we all really doing that anyway. One thing I love to do is hang back and watch people. When I used to work at one of the largest Country-Western bars in IL (what's the difference between country & western music or dance, that I'll never know), I would go in and find in a corner with a hat on, by the back bar, always by one of my besties. What I know now is what I can share with those that went through what I had already gone through.
Why am I someone to read? I was never afraid of dating, breaking up with boyfriends, taking them back, exposing my feelings when I felt them, I was when it came to dating. I knew what I wanted and since I held myself to high standards of awareness, I knew in my heart my other half had to out there. And he was, battling his own battles to find me. Unlike a lot of people, I learned from an early age that with anything that when you fail or something ends you need to learn from it or be doomed to repeat it. From my parents, their friends and friends of my own, I watched their struggles and successes and learned from them all.
Even though I am a stubborn, Scorpio Pollack, I am always willing to learn. From the stint of being the "one date max" girl to have a few longer relationships, I was always blessed with filling up my time with what exactly I wanted. If I wanted to be single and wreak havoc, I gave myself that opportunity. The moment I wanted someone in my life, I had someone (maybe not the one that should have been there but always still someone). I am blessed with the mouth to socialize and am able to draw people into me. How....eye contact! Try it, its awesome!
More soon...love you!
I know that there are going to be skeptics that think that I'm talking out of my ass, and for that fact, aren't we all really doing that anyway. One thing I love to do is hang back and watch people. When I used to work at one of the largest Country-Western bars in IL (what's the difference between country & western music or dance, that I'll never know), I would go in and find in a corner with a hat on, by the back bar, always by one of my besties. What I know now is what I can share with those that went through what I had already gone through.
Why am I someone to read? I was never afraid of dating, breaking up with boyfriends, taking them back, exposing my feelings when I felt them, I was when it came to dating. I knew what I wanted and since I held myself to high standards of awareness, I knew in my heart my other half had to out there. And he was, battling his own battles to find me. Unlike a lot of people, I learned from an early age that with anything that when you fail or something ends you need to learn from it or be doomed to repeat it. From my parents, their friends and friends of my own, I watched their struggles and successes and learned from them all.
Even though I am a stubborn, Scorpio Pollack, I am always willing to learn. From the stint of being the "one date max" girl to have a few longer relationships, I was always blessed with filling up my time with what exactly I wanted. If I wanted to be single and wreak havoc, I gave myself that opportunity. The moment I wanted someone in my life, I had someone (maybe not the one that should have been there but always still someone). I am blessed with the mouth to socialize and am able to draw people into me. How....eye contact! Try it, its awesome!
More soon...love you!
May 24, 2011
Falling in love......? Made & controlled
Classic tale: girl likes boy, boy likes girl but is skittish. Girl creates ellaborate scheme and games in own head to somehow justify boy's actions and bend him to her will.
Let me get this out in the open. I was the master as making men fall in love with me. And how I am able to do this knowing basic human psychology traits. This blog was started off as "Dating like a master" with me being the master. Now, I'm not saying I controlled men in relationships, that's not my M.O. but if there was a guy I wanted, I got him. PERIOD
With that said, I try to help women keep a grand amount of self-respect for themselves and hold themselves with a certain kind of stature when it comes to starting a relationship or getting the guy that they want (or girl for that matter). But you can only lead a horse to water, you can't yank their head out of their own ass to make the drink (Pollack version).
Time and time again I talk with friends or strangers in passing about how to get a guy. Women's biggest issue is that more times than not they give way too much way too fast. Or they start seeing someone and want to move things super fast, or just too fast for the other person. I tell these women to stop, look and listen, just like if you were standing by railroad tracks waiting for a train and NOT get hit. Why not flip the script and be something worth fighting for. Men are hunters, women are gathers, but these days it seems like men are lazy and expect the world come to them and women think they need to now take the initiative to go after these men. OH! and then if they get these men, these poor women have no idea why these men (I'm sorry...guys. Real men aren't like this) don't ever take initiative for themselves and go above and beyond for their women. Well......duuuuuuuh, they didn't in the beginning why would they start now? This is a topic that I could dedicate a whole chapter in a book, that yes I will write. But for now I am going to keep it really simple....well when it comes to men and human nature.
1. humans: we want what we can't have. If you want someone to want you, let them know they can't have you.
2. Men are hunters. Let them hunt. If you want to be fought for, you have to be far enough away for him to want to hunt for you.
3. If you're in a mess of a emotion situation and you have to plot or scheme to get what you want, most likely its for the best that you don't go for it and/or end up getting it. There's signs all around us that are helping us go in the right direction. Heed those warnings.
4. Let people be people. It's amazing what you will learn if you just set back and watch people live.
5. Stay you! If you have to put your feelings aside for someone else who's too afraid to acknowledge your feelings or their own issues, time to move on.
6. “If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.”
Keep it simple. If something isn't working out, don't force it. You should have to plan out a war just to get into a relationship.
Let me get this out in the open. I was the master as making men fall in love with me. And how I am able to do this knowing basic human psychology traits. This blog was started off as "Dating like a master" with me being the master. Now, I'm not saying I controlled men in relationships, that's not my M.O. but if there was a guy I wanted, I got him. PERIOD
With that said, I try to help women keep a grand amount of self-respect for themselves and hold themselves with a certain kind of stature when it comes to starting a relationship or getting the guy that they want (or girl for that matter). But you can only lead a horse to water, you can't yank their head out of their own ass to make the drink (Pollack version).
Time and time again I talk with friends or strangers in passing about how to get a guy. Women's biggest issue is that more times than not they give way too much way too fast. Or they start seeing someone and want to move things super fast, or just too fast for the other person. I tell these women to stop, look and listen, just like if you were standing by railroad tracks waiting for a train and NOT get hit. Why not flip the script and be something worth fighting for. Men are hunters, women are gathers, but these days it seems like men are lazy and expect the world come to them and women think they need to now take the initiative to go after these men. OH! and then if they get these men, these poor women have no idea why these men (I'm sorry...guys. Real men aren't like this) don't ever take initiative for themselves and go above and beyond for their women. Well......duuuuuuuh, they didn't in the beginning why would they start now? This is a topic that I could dedicate a whole chapter in a book, that yes I will write. But for now I am going to keep it really simple....well when it comes to men and human nature.
1. humans: we want what we can't have. If you want someone to want you, let them know they can't have you.
2. Men are hunters. Let them hunt. If you want to be fought for, you have to be far enough away for him to want to hunt for you.
3. If you're in a mess of a emotion situation and you have to plot or scheme to get what you want, most likely its for the best that you don't go for it and/or end up getting it. There's signs all around us that are helping us go in the right direction. Heed those warnings.
4. Let people be people. It's amazing what you will learn if you just set back and watch people live.
5. Stay you! If you have to put your feelings aside for someone else who's too afraid to acknowledge your feelings or their own issues, time to move on.
6. “If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.”
Keep it simple. If something isn't working out, don't force it. You should have to plan out a war just to get into a relationship.
May 20, 2011
Hold your ground and dig in your heels
I hear time and time again about how people take other people's feeling in consideration in front of their own and it drives me insane!!!! Now I am not saying to walk all over people or not take their feelings in consideration ever, but there's a fine line to holding respect for yourself and becoming a push over. Yes, we want to be kind to others, but when it comes to matters of the heart you have to protect yourself for those who don't not want to add value to your life.
If you are in a relationship, the beginning, the middle, a psuedo-relationship, testing the waters, on a first date, at any given point whether on the way to a relationship or already in one, never put your feelings aside for someone else's. You have every right to feel what you feel, and if someone else can't understand that or does not what to validate or acknowledge them, it's time to move the *#!% on!
If you are starting to have strong feelings for someone and have not told said person, its noone's fault but your own if the relationship doesn't go anywhere. There has to be open lines of communication on where you want to be and go. If you don't know if the other person is on the same page or not, its time to open your mouth and ask. At least you will know whether you get to move forward or you have to cut times, so not to waste your or their time.
If you can't tell, this topic fires me up a little. Too many people keep their mouth shut hoping that things will fall into place.....well people are not mind readers. I totally wish they were because then we wouldn't have these issues. Then again, I wouldn't be blogging about it either. So....long story short. Open your mouth and convey what you want. Whether it be a fling or something more serious, no one will know anything until you let them know. (period)
Loves! Merry (fired up) Ms Berry
If you are in a relationship, the beginning, the middle, a psuedo-relationship, testing the waters, on a first date, at any given point whether on the way to a relationship or already in one, never put your feelings aside for someone else's. You have every right to feel what you feel, and if someone else can't understand that or does not what to validate or acknowledge them, it's time to move the *#!% on!
If you are starting to have strong feelings for someone and have not told said person, its noone's fault but your own if the relationship doesn't go anywhere. There has to be open lines of communication on where you want to be and go. If you don't know if the other person is on the same page or not, its time to open your mouth and ask. At least you will know whether you get to move forward or you have to cut times, so not to waste your or their time.
If you can't tell, this topic fires me up a little. Too many people keep their mouth shut hoping that things will fall into place.....well people are not mind readers. I totally wish they were because then we wouldn't have these issues. Then again, I wouldn't be blogging about it either. So....long story short. Open your mouth and convey what you want. Whether it be a fling or something more serious, no one will know anything until you let them know. (period)
Loves! Merry (fired up) Ms Berry
How to figure it out...
Currently being 31, I have friends married with kids, divorced with kids, married with no kids (like myself), divorced with no kids and plain ol' single or dating. I am seeing a pattern with the single friends that don't want to be single anymore. They feel lost, confused and that dating is getting harder and harder. I know for myself being 31 and where I am in my life, I, too, thought I would be in a different place. Then I remember that everything happens for a reason and God wants me exactly where I am right now.
One thing that I didn't find when it came to finding "the one" I was meant to be with is I really needed to find myself first. I find that when we know what we want in ourselves, its usually what we want in a mate/lover/partner/soul mate. The difficult thing about that is we are totally different people in our 30's than when we were in our 20's. In our 20's we didn't worry about marriage, mortgages, kids and insurance. Ok, some of us had to and some of us didn't. Most of us were so carefree that finding someone to be with just happened and now in our 30's we worry about getting "too old" or we're running out of time or missed "the one" to be with. These are all situations my lovely peeps are struggling with.
I believe that I was blessed to find my soul mate, know that it was him and that our relationship progressed very fast for the "norm" but for us we were so excited to send the rest of our lives together that time was not a concern of ours. But before I re-connected with him I had to dig deep down inside and figure out what I really wanted. Before Reese came into my life, I too, struggled with my identity, it turn getting abused and taken advantage of. It totally sucked!
Here are some easy steps to help you along the process.
1. Analyze your past relationships and figure out why you were in them, what you loved about them, what you didn't like (what you don't want in the next) and what you truly learned from being with that person. This will give you an idea of what you really want to have in the idea of "forever".
2. Make a "perfect soul mate" recipe. Write down all the things you would love to have in your perfect mate. You will find that most of the traits and attributes are surprisingly what you see in yourself or want in yourself. Even play with the superficial because in the end its that face you want to wake up next to every morning.
3. Stop stressing!!!! Let the flow of the universe work for you. If you are spiritual, like I am, have the faith that God received your order and is working to put you 2 together. If you constantly worry about it, it won't happen. Trust and faith are one in the same.
4. Have fun! The second you start living and loving yourself is the moment when your love interest will find their way to you. If you don't have a clear picture of what you want, how can it be delivered to you? Also, you look very pleasing to others when you're having fun and holding yourself with confidence and assurance.
Don't wear concern, worry or desperation on your face because no one wants to be with someone that looks like that, and those who do want to take advantage of you. Hold your ground for "the one", you'll know him or her when you meet them.
Love you! Merry Ms Berry
One thing that I didn't find when it came to finding "the one" I was meant to be with is I really needed to find myself first. I find that when we know what we want in ourselves, its usually what we want in a mate/lover/partner/soul mate. The difficult thing about that is we are totally different people in our 30's than when we were in our 20's. In our 20's we didn't worry about marriage, mortgages, kids and insurance. Ok, some of us had to and some of us didn't. Most of us were so carefree that finding someone to be with just happened and now in our 30's we worry about getting "too old" or we're running out of time or missed "the one" to be with. These are all situations my lovely peeps are struggling with.
I believe that I was blessed to find my soul mate, know that it was him and that our relationship progressed very fast for the "norm" but for us we were so excited to send the rest of our lives together that time was not a concern of ours. But before I re-connected with him I had to dig deep down inside and figure out what I really wanted. Before Reese came into my life, I too, struggled with my identity, it turn getting abused and taken advantage of. It totally sucked!
Here are some easy steps to help you along the process.
1. Analyze your past relationships and figure out why you were in them, what you loved about them, what you didn't like (what you don't want in the next) and what you truly learned from being with that person. This will give you an idea of what you really want to have in the idea of "forever".
2. Make a "perfect soul mate" recipe. Write down all the things you would love to have in your perfect mate. You will find that most of the traits and attributes are surprisingly what you see in yourself or want in yourself. Even play with the superficial because in the end its that face you want to wake up next to every morning.
3. Stop stressing!!!! Let the flow of the universe work for you. If you are spiritual, like I am, have the faith that God received your order and is working to put you 2 together. If you constantly worry about it, it won't happen. Trust and faith are one in the same.
4. Have fun! The second you start living and loving yourself is the moment when your love interest will find their way to you. If you don't have a clear picture of what you want, how can it be delivered to you? Also, you look very pleasing to others when you're having fun and holding yourself with confidence and assurance.
Don't wear concern, worry or desperation on your face because no one wants to be with someone that looks like that, and those who do want to take advantage of you. Hold your ground for "the one", you'll know him or her when you meet them.
Love you! Merry Ms Berry
May 19, 2011
When to Let Go!
Being a proud stubborn, slightly eccentric Pollack, I don't like to admit defeat and used to be a very poor loser. Over time I have realized that you have to lose at some games and parts of life to learn and appreciate the lessons that God wants us to learn. Now I am about to be a gracious loser but I still do the happy dance when I win.
With that said, we are not meant to date everyone. When relationships end, it doesn't mean that they are a failure, it just means there is something or someone better is meant to be in your life in the future (whether tomorrow, the next day, the next year or whatnot). But the longer you have to cling, claw and convince someone to stay in your life, or be that person being convinced, the longer you prolong true (meant to be) happiness.
If you are fighting over trivial, small things....it might be time to reconsider your relationship. If you both cannot be nice to one another, there are bigger problems underlining the smaller issues.
If you are asked or are asking for "one more chance" and you've receieved at least 3 of them. Your "one" more chance is over. If you or they didn't learn the first or even the second time, its time to move on.
You are changing yourself or expecting the other person to change who they are, how they act or what they believe. If you or they are not meeting certain standards then it means you don't have the same morals or values and it's time to move on.
When you avoid or "conveniently forgot" devices of communication. If you find yourself wanting to escape from even talking with the one you are in a relationship with it's time to escape the whole relationship.
You feel bad or poor about yourself. We are in relationships to feel loved, inspired, uplifted and vulnerable. If you are making someone feel about themselves or being made to feel bad, then you are not soul mates, move on.
These are just a few examples of when and why to let go. It is perfectly normal and okay to end a relationship. Just like taking in oxygen we have to let go of carbon dioxide, toxic to us but beneficial to plants. You heart & body physically will let you know when you are in a good or bad relationship. Example, I would get physically sick because of a bad relationship. My ulcer would flare up, I would lose weight and just look like death. I couldn't even tell you a good reason why I let this douche bag stay in my life. I wanted him gone so badly and yet he would not leave. He's pure evil. BUT because of me standing my ground and ridding that evil from my life no matter what, I was blessed with meeting my husband. Out with the bad and in with the fabulous!!!! When you close one chapter another one automatically beginnings. It's as simple as turning the next page.
I love you and want you to be happy. I have so much to share with you, please ask me anything. I've gone through a ton and learned from all it. Learn from me learning.
<3 MerryMsBerry
May 18, 2011
Is the sex really worth it?
There are times when the line between love and sex are as scribbly as a 2 year old coloring cracked out on sugar with no nap. With that said, some times we as women think that sex is tied directly to love. When it comes to men, that's not always the case. Sometimes we equate amazing sex with something deeper and more meaningful when sometimes its just a physical compatibility. As a woman who's had relationships of great sex/awful compatibility and good sex/amazing compatibility, I can tell you I would take the later any day. You can always work up to amazingly, off the wall, monkey sex. But its harder to work out a relationship if you 2 just can't get along.
And how about a relationship that is so lacking that there's not much outside of the bedroom? Are we able to become so emotionally unavailable and detached that just purely physical relations could exist for a long period of time? I have found that as physically wonderful a relationship might be, if its just that, emotion is able to find its way into the equation from one side or another, kinda messing things up.
As great as "friends with benefits" situations can be they are always short lived and someone's feeling always get hurt. Shit, even Samantha Jones got hurt, no one is safe. Word to the wise.
I love you! Merry Ms Berry
And how about a relationship that is so lacking that there's not much outside of the bedroom? Are we able to become so emotionally unavailable and detached that just purely physical relations could exist for a long period of time? I have found that as physically wonderful a relationship might be, if its just that, emotion is able to find its way into the equation from one side or another, kinda messing things up.
As great as "friends with benefits" situations can be they are always short lived and someone's feeling always get hurt. Shit, even Samantha Jones got hurt, no one is safe. Word to the wise.
I love you! Merry Ms Berry
May 17, 2011
Choosing vs. chosen
I recently learned that most young girls are not told what to expect and what not to except when it comes to relationships. Even as grown, mature women with children, some just don't know what a good relationship looks like.
Many women friends that I have love my husband and they love to see us together, interacting with our everyday lives. They are always commenting on how we are always there for each other even when we're not in the same room. Or how I've devoted myself to him.....me the free spirit that was never going to be tied down. In the back on my mind I think "you can have all of this too. Why can't you see that?"
Throughout the many relationship and learning experiences in my life, I have always chosen each person to be with. I come to find out that some women are in their relationships because they were chosen first and that should be enough. Is it? Just because someone wants to be with you doesn't you have to be with them. OMG! Could you imagine being in a relationship with everyone that hit on you? Holy shit, that's too much to process.
When being with someone, make sure that not only do they want to be with you but that you want to be with them. Both parties should be making the effort to show one another how very important you or they are. Relationships are not only a 2 way street but a give and take.
Yes, it feels great to be wanted but also feels great to want or miss someone. If you are only filled with needing to be needed then what happens when you are not needed for whatever reason, what else do you have to fall back on? Also that leaves a huge open door to be let down because since you don't have any expectations from them since they did all the "picking" then that leaves everything for interpretation. It's kinda like take what you can get, and you get whatever comes your way. AND THAT IS NO WAY TO LIVE.
Love you! Merry Ms Berry
Many women friends that I have love my husband and they love to see us together, interacting with our everyday lives. They are always commenting on how we are always there for each other even when we're not in the same room. Or how I've devoted myself to him.....me the free spirit that was never going to be tied down. In the back on my mind I think "you can have all of this too. Why can't you see that?"
Throughout the many relationship and learning experiences in my life, I have always chosen each person to be with. I come to find out that some women are in their relationships because they were chosen first and that should be enough. Is it? Just because someone wants to be with you doesn't you have to be with them. OMG! Could you imagine being in a relationship with everyone that hit on you? Holy shit, that's too much to process.
When being with someone, make sure that not only do they want to be with you but that you want to be with them. Both parties should be making the effort to show one another how very important you or they are. Relationships are not only a 2 way street but a give and take.
Yes, it feels great to be wanted but also feels great to want or miss someone. If you are only filled with needing to be needed then what happens when you are not needed for whatever reason, what else do you have to fall back on? Also that leaves a huge open door to be let down because since you don't have any expectations from them since they did all the "picking" then that leaves everything for interpretation. It's kinda like take what you can get, and you get whatever comes your way. AND THAT IS NO WAY TO LIVE.
Love you! Merry Ms Berry
How to exit graciously
Any sort of break up whether its a marriage or fling sucks! It means that there's some sort of rejection. Even if you both realize that its just not meant to be, all those feelings of missing the good over the bad bubble up to the surface and makes us sad or angry. We will all, at one point in our lives, have to deal with some form of rejection. There are 2 ways we can go about this situation, take it personally and have it ruin us for the future or we can understand that this is a part of life and we are just not meant to be in some relationships, whether friendly or romantic.
This post is going to cover how to leave a situation graciously. Now, I'm not saying to ever deny your feelings. If you feel you must throw, kick and scream yourself out of a relationship to feel better, who am I to judge. But if you are like most of us and want to take the easiest way out, below are a few ways to look at it.
1. Always leave on a good note, unless you are breaking up with a lying, cheating, heartless bastard, then leaving on an even higher note, head up, shoulders back, direct eye contact and a big smile. Know in your heart that you deserve more and waaaaaaaaaaay better and kicking this douche out of your life is the best idea ever. (((((INSERT BIG TOOTHY GRIN)))))
2. Be true to yourself. Note the good things in the relationship and appreciate some of the things you've learned together and what you're taking with you.
3. Acknowledge the greatness in differences and know that you are just not meant to be together.
4. Wish the other person luck in the future. More times than not we need to agree to disagree. You get what you give to the world.
5. Share the responsibility. They might have been the lesser participant of the relationship but you are just as responsible of having them there with you. No one person is to blame. (Example, I was with a lying cheating, douche bag of a human being, to put it nicely, but for some messed up reason I allowed him to stay in my life.)
6. Try to find a balance between emotion and logic. You're always going to feel something, its up to you to figure out why you feel the way you do.
I hope that some of these quick but no-so-easy solutions to problems we will all face, whether its a breakup, getting fired, ending a friendship or saying no to a potential first date. God has made us very emotion beings, but not without logic and dignity. Everything happens for a reason. When you find out the reason you were in a certain relationship and why it had to end, I promise you, you will feel so much better. When one chapter ends, turn the page and BAM a new chapter begins.
Love you! Merry Ms. Berry <3
May 10, 2011
How to be single.
The dreaded "S" word....single. Not for me. I loved loved loved being single but at the same time I like being in relationships. I think its because I was okay with whatever I was doing or wherever I might have been. I, also, remember at one point in my life when I was not single saying that I missed being single, only at that point because all my close girlfriends were single. Not 2 weeks after I had said that, BAM, I was single. And thus the cycle began again.
Here's the thing about being single, its a time to overexpose your independence. You are able and should make everyone in a relationship miss being single. You have no one to answer to. You can behave as badly as you would like. Flirt with everyone and make a shit-ton of friends. That's my philosophy and it worked great! I was the queen of "the 1st date max". Yup, 98% of the time, noone got past the first date. The theory I kept to myself was if they wanted to spend time and money on me, who was I do deny that. Yes, I do a tiny little bit of evil in me. But, also, I knew that in the end I would 1) not have to see that person 2) still have a friend or 3) learn something new about someone and maybe be surprised in the process.
I was "the friend collector". I automatically put every new guy that I met into "friend" position for a variety of reasons. You learn more when I guy has his guard down to "his friend", its nice to fall for a friend, and you keep enough distance that you can really be yourself (dork & crazy in one) to a friend so much more than a "potential love interest". That way if something do come of the friendship and into a relationship there aren't as many surprises, like foot fetishes or ass licking. (story to come later). I find it so much easier to talk to guys as "just friends". You hold yourself with my pride and stature because you not having "a girl moment" and losing your cool about "is this the one? how do I look? am I his type?" and the million self crushing questions us women torture ourselves with.
And now that I think of it, if guys did the same thing in the beginning is would lessen the stress for all parties involved.
So the next time you are out and about, just casually strike up a conversation. "Hi, I'm new in town (even if you're not). Where does one go to make new friends?" Ask someone standing at the bar that strikes your fancy or even the bartender.
Being is so much fun if you take the future worries of being with someone out of the equation.
May 9, 2011
Dating advice column
Since I would like to think of myself as the real world Carrie Bradshaw and have succeeded in getting married before I was 40, and having an amazing time doing, I am feeling the universal pull to having an advice column. I am not versed in having a writing degree whatsoever. I am well versed in the dating world. I have dabbled in every little tid-bit of dating, except a threesome, I am too selfish for that.
Please ask me anything
MerryMsBerry
Please ask me anything
MerryMsBerry
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