I didn't not blog yesterday and it feels like a little piece of me is missing, only because I love speaking to the world so much. So I reached out to KKK or K3. Now before you lose your mind, I am referring to my Krazy Kousin Kiki. I know it should be CCK, but that's not as fun. I have also, referred to her as Cousin Ocho, because she lost a couple toes in an accident, so she's down to 8 (get it? Ocho? 8, yes it's that funny). So K3 asked me to talk about having a life plan. She like to have plans, goals, lists and is in constant motion to achieve something, which is awesome, but why. Do I have a life plan, if so, what is it? If I don't, why not?
I personally never sat down with my thoughts and planned out my life. I knew I wanted to get married and have a family, but I never put a time frame on it. I went to college but never found the passions in my field, so I didn't force myself into any big degrees. When it came to wanting to succeed and planning for it, I guess I didn't really think about it, I just did it. And when I didn't like it anymore, I just stopped. Why kill myself at something and I'm not in love with?
So when is a good time to stop living moment to moment and start planning ahead? Financially I was always good at saving and spending money. I always guarded my credit score and drivers license. I loved freely and did not worry about having a boyfriend or not. I have always had good friends around me, even in the darkest of times when I couldn't see.
I believe you can't or shouldn't plan out a love life. People are put into your life to learn from, no matter how good or bad. It's in these experiences where you should be forming what is ideal for yourself, whether you believe in soul mates or not, or just someone "forever". I never put a time line on love. Is that even possible? I just went on how I felt. The body is the biggest guidance system you have. If you feel great, go with it. If you feel bad, back away.
You can control a career if it's something your passionate about. But you can't control a relationship because you shouldn't have to control another person. How exhausting would that be? You can bend people's will to you, but why would you want to?
Can you really have a life plan? Doesn't life change all the time? Isn't futile to really try and plan it out?
I used to ride horses, almost at the professional level, but my interests changed and I stopped. I used to create art out of all my raging emotions. I got control and sorted out my emotions, the art kinda just stopped. The only real consistency that I have in my life when it comes to hobbies, passions and/or careers is people. I love people! I love to help people! I love having different kinds of relationships, uplifting, living and learning from those in the world around us. It's all I ever think about. The only "life plan" I can think about having for myself is to help people. But how do I plan to do that when I just live it?
I live my plan, but I don't have a plan. I love in my relationships and God blesses me with wonderful people who either, need my love or I need theirs, and most of the time its both together.
Yes, I would like to have children, but if I can't I'll understand. I can do something different. I love dogs, so I can just get one. Can it be the same with other parts of my life? I would like to think so, but you never know.
My life plan is that I do what I like. I don't know how else to plan out for life. Tomorrow is can all change, so can we really plan for anything or just hope our plans stick? Everything happens for a reason, and I will always live by that saying. Doesn't life pass you by when you are busy planning it anyway?
Longingly, Merry Ms Berry
June 29, 2011
June 27, 2011
How to be a good friend
It's with a heavy heart that I actually have to write this blog. As I was thinking about it this morning on my commute into the beautiful city of Big Shoulders, I realized that a good friendship is the base of every good relationship, either platonic or romantic. I love being a great friend to others when given the chances. It's sad that some people just don't get some of this.
How is it that there are some people that we connect with right away and then there are other people who you just want to slap when you first meet them? This one blog has the potential in itself to become a book because there can be so many facets to friendship. I am going to try my hardest to keep this as simple as possible. And to do that I am going to make a to-do list.
1) Be yourself! - If someone doesn't want to be friends with the real you, then it's not meant to be.
2) Be honest - Where you live in a cave or have traveled around the world, people want to know who the real you is. There's no need to add any fluff.
3) Be open - Do not judge people. We have all made mistakes and those mistakes are in the past. We cannot change the past, we can only learn from them.
4) Ask - Ask questions about that person. Each person is a world in itself. If you don't ask how will you know. And if you don't ask it's going to come off that you only care about yourself.
5) Listen - After said questions, take a real interest in what that person has to say, and just listen. Don't think about what you want to say next, you might miss something.
6) Prepare - before bestowing "your opinion" on your friend, ask them if they would like to know first. Some people don't want to hear other people's opinions.
7) Be available - we all live busy lives, but we make time for those we care about. Anyone one of my friends know that if they need me, whether it's to bail out of jail or just listen to them vent for a few minutes, I will find the time to do so.
8) Be fair - there are times where we all get out of line. We get emotional, irrational and tend to forget those around us. If you call out a friend or they call you out at this situation, they are telling you because they care. Listen to them, work it out.
9) Apologize - we all make mistakes. There is always be miscommunication. Feelings will get hurt. Acknowledge those feelings and apologize, it will make your friendship stronger.
10) Meet them half way -if they go to your house, then go to there's. If they call you, you call them. Both parties should putting an effort towards each other. Having a one sided friendship is not a relationship at all, it's called stalking.
11) Share - everything. Share your pain and let them love on you. Share your successes and let them rejoice with you. Let them make you cookies and give them a hat that you love. It's those little thoughts and actions that make a bond stronger. Show people your battle scars because you never know when someone is in the same battle and they need to know they can get through it.
12) Laugh - laugh together. Laugh at yourself. Let the laughter pour out of you. It is the little observations in life that make us all relate to one another and it's showing us that we are paying attention to the lives around us.
13) Except change - The only constant in this world is change. We are constantly learning about ourselves in this ever changing world. You're not the same person you were a year ago, not of us are. It's exciting to have the chance to keep learning about the world and those is in.
14) Be responsible - whether it's with people's feelings, clothing, pet or money. Take care of your responsibilities. If you borrow money pay it back as soon as possible, even if it's only a little bit at a time, it shows you value your relationship more than the money you borrow. If you borrow a shirt, make sure it stays as nice as you got it. If you damage that shirt, replace it with the same. Do not use something you can not replace in time. Even though it's just stuff, it's the thought behind taking care of their stuff that shows them you care for them.
15) Shine!!!! Be an awesome you! When you let yourself shine you give others around the opportunity to shine as bright. Embrace the differences, love the quirks, fill those around you with a life they might be starving for.
Your friends turn to you to love and uplift them, keep the grounded and hold you accountable to yourself. At least that's what I want from my friends and I hope I can be that for them.
Loving you! Merry Ms Berry
How is it that there are some people that we connect with right away and then there are other people who you just want to slap when you first meet them? This one blog has the potential in itself to become a book because there can be so many facets to friendship. I am going to try my hardest to keep this as simple as possible. And to do that I am going to make a to-do list.
1) Be yourself! - If someone doesn't want to be friends with the real you, then it's not meant to be.
2) Be honest - Where you live in a cave or have traveled around the world, people want to know who the real you is. There's no need to add any fluff.
3) Be open - Do not judge people. We have all made mistakes and those mistakes are in the past. We cannot change the past, we can only learn from them.
4) Ask - Ask questions about that person. Each person is a world in itself. If you don't ask how will you know. And if you don't ask it's going to come off that you only care about yourself.
5) Listen - After said questions, take a real interest in what that person has to say, and just listen. Don't think about what you want to say next, you might miss something.
6) Prepare - before bestowing "your opinion" on your friend, ask them if they would like to know first. Some people don't want to hear other people's opinions.
7) Be available - we all live busy lives, but we make time for those we care about. Anyone one of my friends know that if they need me, whether it's to bail out of jail or just listen to them vent for a few minutes, I will find the time to do so.
8) Be fair - there are times where we all get out of line. We get emotional, irrational and tend to forget those around us. If you call out a friend or they call you out at this situation, they are telling you because they care. Listen to them, work it out.
9) Apologize - we all make mistakes. There is always be miscommunication. Feelings will get hurt. Acknowledge those feelings and apologize, it will make your friendship stronger.
10) Meet them half way -if they go to your house, then go to there's. If they call you, you call them. Both parties should putting an effort towards each other. Having a one sided friendship is not a relationship at all, it's called stalking.
11) Share - everything. Share your pain and let them love on you. Share your successes and let them rejoice with you. Let them make you cookies and give them a hat that you love. It's those little thoughts and actions that make a bond stronger. Show people your battle scars because you never know when someone is in the same battle and they need to know they can get through it.
12) Laugh - laugh together. Laugh at yourself. Let the laughter pour out of you. It is the little observations in life that make us all relate to one another and it's showing us that we are paying attention to the lives around us.
13) Except change - The only constant in this world is change. We are constantly learning about ourselves in this ever changing world. You're not the same person you were a year ago, not of us are. It's exciting to have the chance to keep learning about the world and those is in.
14) Be responsible - whether it's with people's feelings, clothing, pet or money. Take care of your responsibilities. If you borrow money pay it back as soon as possible, even if it's only a little bit at a time, it shows you value your relationship more than the money you borrow. If you borrow a shirt, make sure it stays as nice as you got it. If you damage that shirt, replace it with the same. Do not use something you can not replace in time. Even though it's just stuff, it's the thought behind taking care of their stuff that shows them you care for them.
15) Shine!!!! Be an awesome you! When you let yourself shine you give others around the opportunity to shine as bright. Embrace the differences, love the quirks, fill those around you with a life they might be starving for.
Your friends turn to you to love and uplift them, keep the grounded and hold you accountable to yourself. At least that's what I want from my friends and I hope I can be that for them.
Loving you! Merry Ms Berry
June 24, 2011
This is for my Mommy!!!!
Yes, I am a grown woman in her 30's and I call my mom "Mommy". I'm her baby and always will be! So don't ever stop to think that I'll ever forget that.
MY MOM IS AWESOME!!!!! And every single person that meets her can vouch for that.
One of my posts had upset her when I was talking about my pain for years past. If I was hurting, she was the one to heal my pain. Being the most loving woman EVER, she would have only assumed that she could read minds and know everything about her children. Well, here's the thing. I was super sneaky in a way where I knew the burden she already carried and I would be damned if I added more to her shoulders. I was put into her life to ease her struggle and bring light and laughter into her life. I know this! We are given to our parents for a reason, whether they need to protect us or we need to protect them. Even the youngest of shoulders are wise to the angst of the world.
My mother was raised to be as perfect as possible which in a sense, she was being set up for disaster. No one can be perfect....NO ONE!!!! She carried the weight of our whole family and she is the strongest woman I know. I was blessed with being a visionary from a very, very young age, knowing that my parents had faults but I can see them trying their hardest to provide. As kids, all we really ever needed was their love and that's exactly what we got. I saw things and understood my parents long before my peers hit puberty. With great knowledge came great responsibility, and for that I stuck to her side. I was blessed to have my mom all to my self at a time in both our lives where change was great and the opportunity to become greater women was upon us. AND IT WAS A BLAST!!!!!
I, as a teenager, coming into my own and my mom as a new divorcee, having the chance to reinvent herself. She brought her wisdom from the years and I was able to bring a fresh insight and perspective to the world around us. We were a lethal combination of goofy laughter with witty punch. If we were a cocktail we be mimosas! Vitamin C with bubbles!!!! She helped me become a woman and I helped her find the happy, inner child of letting go.
Mom, I know you're going to read this. I love you so much! I only hope I can be half the woman you are to me. You are so kind and wise beyond your generation and have a heart bigger than the universe. I know you are conditioned to always tell me what to do and how to do it and I will always appreciate that because it means you love me. I can't wait to bless you with grand-babies and enjoy the many continuous chapters of our lives.
Humbly, Merry Ms Berry (baby dinky)
MY MOM IS AWESOME!!!!! And every single person that meets her can vouch for that.
One of my posts had upset her when I was talking about my pain for years past. If I was hurting, she was the one to heal my pain. Being the most loving woman EVER, she would have only assumed that she could read minds and know everything about her children. Well, here's the thing. I was super sneaky in a way where I knew the burden she already carried and I would be damned if I added more to her shoulders. I was put into her life to ease her struggle and bring light and laughter into her life. I know this! We are given to our parents for a reason, whether they need to protect us or we need to protect them. Even the youngest of shoulders are wise to the angst of the world.
My mother was raised to be as perfect as possible which in a sense, she was being set up for disaster. No one can be perfect....NO ONE!!!! She carried the weight of our whole family and she is the strongest woman I know. I was blessed with being a visionary from a very, very young age, knowing that my parents had faults but I can see them trying their hardest to provide. As kids, all we really ever needed was their love and that's exactly what we got. I saw things and understood my parents long before my peers hit puberty. With great knowledge came great responsibility, and for that I stuck to her side. I was blessed to have my mom all to my self at a time in both our lives where change was great and the opportunity to become greater women was upon us. AND IT WAS A BLAST!!!!!
I, as a teenager, coming into my own and my mom as a new divorcee, having the chance to reinvent herself. She brought her wisdom from the years and I was able to bring a fresh insight and perspective to the world around us. We were a lethal combination of goofy laughter with witty punch. If we were a cocktail we be mimosas! Vitamin C with bubbles!!!! She helped me become a woman and I helped her find the happy, inner child of letting go.
Mom, I know you're going to read this. I love you so much! I only hope I can be half the woman you are to me. You are so kind and wise beyond your generation and have a heart bigger than the universe. I know you are conditioned to always tell me what to do and how to do it and I will always appreciate that because it means you love me. I can't wait to bless you with grand-babies and enjoy the many continuous chapters of our lives.
Humbly, Merry Ms Berry (baby dinky)
June 23, 2011
Gimme a break, gimme a break, break me off a.......nevermind!
A wonderful girlfriend on mine who I love love love asked for this particular topic to be covered. When to take a break. This is specifically for those who are single and just "dating".
Somewhere between soap operas and Cosmopolitan magazines, women came up with this idea that it's NOT okay to be alone. And I say WHY THE HELL NOT?!?! Whether you are just new to the world of being single, a single parent trying to make ends meet or have had a string of unsuccessful potentials fall by the way side, sometimes you just need the relationship crap to stop.
If you have ever felt defeated, exhausted or just plain annoyed with the thought of another date or dealing with another whiny guy's issues, you have reached that point. Take a break! More times than not, when one relationship ended I did NOT want another one to deal with. I had thoughts and feelings of my own that needed to be sorted out and repaired. Why should I have to put my feelings aside just because someone wants to give me attention? Well, maybe I don't want your attention. Maybe I don't want to deal with you. Maybe I just want to sit at home with my dog and zone out on a blank wall....IN PEACE!
Everyone needs time to heal and regroup, or just figure out what's next. I have found that it's in that time of being alone with my thoughts is when I truly got to know myself and really learn what I wanted more for and from myself. If you are not happy with yourself, you are not going to make anyone truly happy and no one will make you truly happy. How can you expect someone to love the little intricacies of you if you don't love them yourself? Taking time for just yourself repairs so much more than broken hearts. It gives you the opportunity to change yourself into someone stronger and wiser. You can reflect from an outsider's point of view, as if you have an out of body experience, floating above yourself, and seeing things with a whole new set of eyes. It's quite wonderful. Also, it gives you the chance to really figure out what you want next. Whether that be nothing at all or creating the perfect soul mate in your mind. If you don't know exactly what you want then how is the universe supposed to bless you with it?
Don't listen to those people that tell you that you NEED to be with someone. You NEED to do what you are COMFORTABLE with. If you get queasy thinking about putting an effort towards relationship bull-doodie then.....DON'T DO IT. I know plenty of people who are at peace with just being with themselves knowing that when they are ready for more then they just switch gears and put the vibe out. Being or trying to be in a relationship should be fun and exciting, not like a job with constant worry or dread. Also, I've found that after taking time for yourself when you are ready great people will just drop into your life, kinda a like a prize for the universe say "Good job, have a present."
Cosmically yours, Merry Ms Berry
Don't listen to those people that tell you that you NEED to be with someone. You NEED to do what you are COMFORTABLE with. If you get queasy thinking about putting an effort towards relationship bull-doodie then.....DON'T DO IT. I know plenty of people who are at peace with just being with themselves knowing that when they are ready for more then they just switch gears and put the vibe out. Being or trying to be in a relationship should be fun and exciting, not like a job with constant worry or dread. Also, I've found that after taking time for yourself when you are ready great people will just drop into your life, kinda a like a prize for the universe say "Good job, have a present."
Cosmically yours, Merry Ms Berry
June 22, 2011
Pain is there to learn from
We all will experience pain, both physical and emotional. Pain is part of God's tests. You see in it movies all the time. Someone is stripped of everything and everyone they love or think they have control of, only to learn a different and bigger lesson of life and always down a completely different path then what they "wanted". Your plan more times than is not His plan. Needs and wants are forcefully examined by these trying experiences in one's life.
From an very early age I've experienced a lot of both mental, emotional and physical pain. Coincidentally, all this pain actually fed off of each other. I had to learn to let go of what ever emotional pain that I was torturing myself with to feel the physcial pain go away. I was that child & then teenager, that was worried about the world around them. What did people think of me? Was my family going to be okay? Am I good enough for their love? I always put other peoples' feeling before my own. These are things that some adults don't care to bother themselves with. But I came to find out how blessed I truly was to have the strength as a young girl to carry such burdens in my heart. Because now as a grown woman I am able to share my lessons through letting my pain go to end up at peace with myself and my physical body. Not too many people can say that.
From the stress that I caused myself in relationships, whether with my parents, friends, or teachers, I ended up with severe muscle knots in my entire back, causing my whole bone structure to shift. This shift lead to hip problems, grinding knees and faulty ankles, not to much excruciating pain back. Pain where there were days I couldn't get out of bed. That worry also led to ulcers. Stabbing, debilitating ulcers that would throw me to the ground. Still all of this didn't stop me from being active in sport. It just meant knee braces and a lot of drugs to keep the pain bearable.
And here's the thing about all of it, no one knew about it. I told almost no one. It wasn't until I was physically unable to hold myself up is when people would take notice. Yes, my family knew some of this pain, but I never looked for anyone's sympathy. Why should I put more stress on the people I loved because of my pain? After a few mental breakdowns and actual breakthroughs I was able to come to the realization that no amount of worrying or control was ever going to help anything or anyone. People were going to be people and the world was going to continue whether or not I cared myself into sickness. God has a plan and I learned to trust that plan.
I started to take care of me and only me. Yes, I still loved and respected my friends and family but it was not my job to protect them from themselves. It took it upon myself to respect myself as much as I did them. After all, who was protecting me? No one. We all have to take responsibility for ourselves. I readily available, in case they needed me. And guess what happened when I started to focus on just me and not the anguish of the world. I started to get better. Slowly. I learned about calm breathing, meditation, smokey festivities, talking and sharing your thoughts and fears. Writing poetry, painting pictures, taking walks or just lying there in silence to let my thoughts clear or let the tears flow. OMG!!! Crying!!! More people need to cry! It's one the most emotional freeing experiences ever! It connects you to others, you can feel what they feel. It's emotions turned into something physical. Cry out your anger and it's like a fog is lifted and you can see your answers in front of you.
If you are not learning from your pain, you're not learning how to live. Learn to let go and thank your blessing that you are strong enough to go through the pain. Because in the end you will go through it and end up better on the other side.
live and love life, Merry Ms Berry
From an very early age I've experienced a lot of both mental, emotional and physical pain. Coincidentally, all this pain actually fed off of each other. I had to learn to let go of what ever emotional pain that I was torturing myself with to feel the physcial pain go away. I was that child & then teenager, that was worried about the world around them. What did people think of me? Was my family going to be okay? Am I good enough for their love? I always put other peoples' feeling before my own. These are things that some adults don't care to bother themselves with. But I came to find out how blessed I truly was to have the strength as a young girl to carry such burdens in my heart. Because now as a grown woman I am able to share my lessons through letting my pain go to end up at peace with myself and my physical body. Not too many people can say that.
From the stress that I caused myself in relationships, whether with my parents, friends, or teachers, I ended up with severe muscle knots in my entire back, causing my whole bone structure to shift. This shift lead to hip problems, grinding knees and faulty ankles, not to much excruciating pain back. Pain where there were days I couldn't get out of bed. That worry also led to ulcers. Stabbing, debilitating ulcers that would throw me to the ground. Still all of this didn't stop me from being active in sport. It just meant knee braces and a lot of drugs to keep the pain bearable.
And here's the thing about all of it, no one knew about it. I told almost no one. It wasn't until I was physically unable to hold myself up is when people would take notice. Yes, my family knew some of this pain, but I never looked for anyone's sympathy. Why should I put more stress on the people I loved because of my pain? After a few mental breakdowns and actual breakthroughs I was able to come to the realization that no amount of worrying or control was ever going to help anything or anyone. People were going to be people and the world was going to continue whether or not I cared myself into sickness. God has a plan and I learned to trust that plan.
I started to take care of me and only me. Yes, I still loved and respected my friends and family but it was not my job to protect them from themselves. It took it upon myself to respect myself as much as I did them. After all, who was protecting me? No one. We all have to take responsibility for ourselves. I readily available, in case they needed me. And guess what happened when I started to focus on just me and not the anguish of the world. I started to get better. Slowly. I learned about calm breathing, meditation, smokey festivities, talking and sharing your thoughts and fears. Writing poetry, painting pictures, taking walks or just lying there in silence to let my thoughts clear or let the tears flow. OMG!!! Crying!!! More people need to cry! It's one the most emotional freeing experiences ever! It connects you to others, you can feel what they feel. It's emotions turned into something physical. Cry out your anger and it's like a fog is lifted and you can see your answers in front of you.
If you are not learning from your pain, you're not learning how to live. Learn to let go and thank your blessing that you are strong enough to go through the pain. Because in the end you will go through it and end up better on the other side.
live and love life, Merry Ms Berry
June 17, 2011
Who's in control?
I didn't have an easy, stable childhood but it wasn't horrible either. I was able to pick up little nuggets of life from a very early age and for that, I will be forever grateful. My father was a wild man! My father always wanted total control, and over what I will never know. He didn't let anyone talk shit to him, he never backed down from a fight, he would quit jobs if his boss was a jerk, and his opinion was the only right opinion in the house. Now that might seem a little hard to deal with and it kinda was, but it made us see that we have the right NOT to take anyone's shit.
One of the most memorable thing I can remember my dad telling me (which is totally ironic) is that "the only person that can get you mad is yourself".
Now stop and think about it. Only you can get you mad. Who are you giving power to make you change your mood? If you were in a bad mood and wanted to stay in a bad mood the likelihood of me changing that mood to good is slim to none. Yesh? Well how about the other way around? If you are in a good mood and want to stay in a good mood, why you would let someone take that away from you?
Senor douche bag, ex-problem in my life used to call me names and use every insecurity against me to hurt me.....and for a brief time I let him. I let him without knowing that I was. I was giving him time, space and power over my emotions. Then, when a good friend of mine asked me why, I had no answer. Why was I? I have all the power I need to stay happy. If he's going to come after me, physically, I have more than enough friends to defend me (which I honestly did forget). If something were to happen it would happen outside of my control, no matter how I worried or didn't worry. The only control I had was over me. Over not picking up the phone. Over not believing the horrible lies he "tried" using against me. Control over knowing who I am. And complete control over me and the love that I have for myself, my mood and my well being. Not your parents, lovers, friends or strangers can take that away from you!!!!! If someone tries, hang up the phone or kick the bastards in the shin and fart in their face while their down!!!!! Unless you're like me and can't fart on command, then kick to the shin kicking!
You are always in control of you!
Loving yous!!!! Merry Ms Berry
One of the most memorable thing I can remember my dad telling me (which is totally ironic) is that "the only person that can get you mad is yourself".
Now stop and think about it. Only you can get you mad. Who are you giving power to make you change your mood? If you were in a bad mood and wanted to stay in a bad mood the likelihood of me changing that mood to good is slim to none. Yesh? Well how about the other way around? If you are in a good mood and want to stay in a good mood, why you would let someone take that away from you?
Senor douche bag, ex-problem in my life used to call me names and use every insecurity against me to hurt me.....and for a brief time I let him. I let him without knowing that I was. I was giving him time, space and power over my emotions. Then, when a good friend of mine asked me why, I had no answer. Why was I? I have all the power I need to stay happy. If he's going to come after me, physically, I have more than enough friends to defend me (which I honestly did forget). If something were to happen it would happen outside of my control, no matter how I worried or didn't worry. The only control I had was over me. Over not picking up the phone. Over not believing the horrible lies he "tried" using against me. Control over knowing who I am. And complete control over me and the love that I have for myself, my mood and my well being. Not your parents, lovers, friends or strangers can take that away from you!!!!! If someone tries, hang up the phone or kick the bastards in the shin and fart in their face while their down!!!!! Unless you're like me and can't fart on command, then kick to the shin kicking!
You are always in control of you!
Loving yous!!!! Merry Ms Berry
June 15, 2011
Mary Poppins & a wicked flying monkey
We are born to the parents that we are supposed to be born to. Good or bad as they may be, they are HUMAN! I believe we are put with our parents to learn the most from them, and them from us. Whether to be like them or to NOT be like them. In my case it was an equal balance of what to do and what NOT to do, in shaping the person I wanted and should be.
I learned a long time ago, the "light bulb above the head action" that my parents were human AND that since they've been alive a hella-lot longer than I had that I might want to listen to them. And learn from them. I stuck by their sides and tried to listen to their stories (that were in English) as much as possible. Then when I was able to start forming sequential thoughts about myself, I started asking my parents about their lives, their mistakes and successes. I was and will always be a sponge. I don't know everything in the world, but I can certainly ask about everything.
I saw my mom's battles against my dad. My dad being from the "Old country" (Poland) his mentality on providing for a family and having a home were much different from my mom's. His word was law and it didn't matter how he behaved or misbehaved. My mom being raised in a female servant mentality household held onto what little hope she had that things work out for the better. My father was a character and I can see why my mom fell in love with him, but for all the good things there were more bad things that came along. From verbal abuse to alcohol abuse, it was a very inconsistent life.
I came away from so many wonderful insights to life from my parents, I would never change it in the world. Yes, I wish he was around more, but maybe it's a blessing in disguise that he wasn't. I learned from my mom that you can find the silver lining in everything because it can always get worse. I learned to roll with the punches and to appreciate the little things like having 3 different kinds of ice cream in the freezer. I learned from my dad what I don't want in a mate and through trials and tribulations, I found the perfect one for me.
From what I have learned, I know have some of the best friends in the world and the most amazing husband that is my perfect match, down to the crazy fights that we have had. I love him so much and he fits into my family as much as I fit into his. I have a whole new family to call my own that is so wonderful, without the lessons from my mom and dad, I would never get to have.
Was it hard? At times I felt broken inside. Was it easy? At times I was on top of the world. But doesn't everybody go through a life like that?
Best-est-s!!!! Merry Ms Berry
I learned a long time ago, the "light bulb above the head action" that my parents were human AND that since they've been alive a hella-lot longer than I had that I might want to listen to them. And learn from them. I stuck by their sides and tried to listen to their stories (that were in English) as much as possible. Then when I was able to start forming sequential thoughts about myself, I started asking my parents about their lives, their mistakes and successes. I was and will always be a sponge. I don't know everything in the world, but I can certainly ask about everything.
I saw my mom's battles against my dad. My dad being from the "Old country" (Poland) his mentality on providing for a family and having a home were much different from my mom's. His word was law and it didn't matter how he behaved or misbehaved. My mom being raised in a female servant mentality household held onto what little hope she had that things work out for the better. My father was a character and I can see why my mom fell in love with him, but for all the good things there were more bad things that came along. From verbal abuse to alcohol abuse, it was a very inconsistent life.
I came away from so many wonderful insights to life from my parents, I would never change it in the world. Yes, I wish he was around more, but maybe it's a blessing in disguise that he wasn't. I learned from my mom that you can find the silver lining in everything because it can always get worse. I learned to roll with the punches and to appreciate the little things like having 3 different kinds of ice cream in the freezer. I learned from my dad what I don't want in a mate and through trials and tribulations, I found the perfect one for me.
From what I have learned, I know have some of the best friends in the world and the most amazing husband that is my perfect match, down to the crazy fights that we have had. I love him so much and he fits into my family as much as I fit into his. I have a whole new family to call my own that is so wonderful, without the lessons from my mom and dad, I would never get to have.
Was it hard? At times I felt broken inside. Was it easy? At times I was on top of the world. But doesn't everybody go through a life like that?
Best-est-s!!!! Merry Ms Berry
June 14, 2011
Learn to hang up the phone
If I were your friend and someone was obsessively calling you I would steal your phone and put it on silent. Ya know why, because that's exactly what I wished someone had done for me.
I dated this guy that was completely psycho and when I wanted out he threatened to make my life hell because he said he wanted to hurt me like I was hurting him, even though I just wanted to leave. He was one big giant (and ugly) ball on insecurity. The messed up part is that I was in such an open and giving place and I didn't have the heart to hurt this guy. I saw what he tortured himself with everyday but it wasn't until he went after my friends and family is when I had to put a stop to it.
At the time, I wish I would have turned off my cell and gotten a new number. I thought since I had my number for so long that I needed to keep it. I do love my cell phone number but the people that would need it are the same people's numbers that I have memorized. Ok, if you lose a friend because of a bad relationship, they weren't your friends.
By the grace of God, I will never cross paths with this douche bag again. But learn from me!!! You are worthy of love and grace! Anything less and just hang up the phone and go for a walk.
MryMsBry
I dated this guy that was completely psycho and when I wanted out he threatened to make my life hell because he said he wanted to hurt me like I was hurting him, even though I just wanted to leave. He was one big giant (and ugly) ball on insecurity. The messed up part is that I was in such an open and giving place and I didn't have the heart to hurt this guy. I saw what he tortured himself with everyday but it wasn't until he went after my friends and family is when I had to put a stop to it.
At the time, I wish I would have turned off my cell and gotten a new number. I thought since I had my number for so long that I needed to keep it. I do love my cell phone number but the people that would need it are the same people's numbers that I have memorized. Ok, if you lose a friend because of a bad relationship, they weren't your friends.
By the grace of God, I will never cross paths with this douche bag again. But learn from me!!! You are worthy of love and grace! Anything less and just hang up the phone and go for a walk.
MryMsBry
Insecurities...you're not just hurting yourself
Whether you're the one freaking out on your loved one or the one being freaked out on, insecurities from either end help NOTHING!!!! At one time, being a psych-major you learn more about your ticks and the ticks of those closest around you (not bug but quirks). You get to psychoanalyze your friends and family, and they really don't get a choice, especially when you have a term paper to write.
A classic example of insecurity issues are having feelings projected out. Feelings and fears are thrown upon others, away from the true owner, onto those around them. Example: a man-whore calling me a slut, even though I never fooled around outside of MY relationships. There are so many examples that I am not going to bother you with them. If you find yourself making someone feel bad because you feel bad about yourself, that's exactly the problem. Bottom line, get out of your own head!!!! Yes, we all have "feelings" about situations, but more times that not, we make up stories in our own heads to justify how we are actually feeling about ourselves.
How do I know this? Because I have been with some of the most insecure weenies ever! Also, I am such an open book and so honest about who I am, faults and all, that people have a tendency to try to make me feel bad about it. People think that just because I am the way I am, that I expect them to be the same. I could care less. If you want to plot, hide and justify whatever you are hiding behind in your own head, those are your issues and you are welcome to keep them to yourself. If you want to be open and free and NOT get judged for being the real you, then I DO care and want you to feel that you can be that way, especially around me. Embrace the weirdness that is yourself.
If you are not lying, cheating, plotting or conniving, them no one should have you feel bad about being you. If they are, it's because they feel about about themselves and want someone on their level to make themselves feel better. Stop, think and react (if appropriate).
Here's the thing. Whether you spazz out or not, if someone is going to cheat or leave, they will do so. It doesn't matter if you phone stalk them, put them down, lift them or spoil them with love. Some people are just not meant to be together. If a relationships is meant to be, it will be. If you find yourself having to plot against someone then you need to take a step back and move on. Things that are meant to be are work, but it will flow easily. I hope this makes sense. If not, please let me know and I'll give you examples.
Love Merry Ms Berry
June 13, 2011
get a guy? or get the right guy?
First you have to decide what kind of emotional state you are in. I found that with myself I needed to be in a certain frame of mind when getting a guy and which kind of guy did I want. There had been times where I just wanted some attention but was not looking for anything close to a relationship. And then there were times when I was ready to be in a relationship again. I know there are people in the world where they just want to be in relationships all the time. I've even been put into a position where I didn't want to be in a relationship but somehow got manipulated into one. How, I blame alcohol but that's another story.
So, what do you want? Say it out loud and remember what you say, because more than likely you are going to get exactly that.
For those who want to find and end up with Mr. Right, instead of Mr. Right now, listen up.
Be------your------self! Be yourself!
Do the things you love and try to make friends with those you have the same interests. Or try new things that you want to there or would like in a potential mate. When you talk to new people, be yourself, be yourself, be yourself.
That doesn't matter if you're over the top, slightly shy, clumsy or can't dress yourself. Don't you want someone to fall in love with you for you? I have a whole list of things that you can do to just "get a guy" or girl for that matter. But if there are not things you would naturally do, that you are catching someone on false pretenses. Also, being yourself right off the back weeds out the people who are not good for you right away.
So, what do you want? Say it out loud and remember what you say, because more than likely you are going to get exactly that.
For those who want to find and end up with Mr. Right, instead of Mr. Right now, listen up.
Be------your------self! Be yourself!
Do the things you love and try to make friends with those you have the same interests. Or try new things that you want to there or would like in a potential mate. When you talk to new people, be yourself, be yourself, be yourself.
That doesn't matter if you're over the top, slightly shy, clumsy or can't dress yourself. Don't you want someone to fall in love with you for you? I have a whole list of things that you can do to just "get a guy" or girl for that matter. But if there are not things you would naturally do, that you are catching someone on false pretenses. Also, being yourself right off the back weeds out the people who are not good for you right away.
June 9, 2011
Is it just good on paper?
From the book I was reading to a yahoo.com article that popped up on my homepage, today's topic was destined to be explored. Do love and compatibility go hand and hand, and do they have to?
We all want to be accepted for who we are and be given the opportunity to grow into ourselves. But how do we grow if we don't struggle through something? The article that I read was about being content in a relationship with no passion, but how do you find that passion without having to enter drama into your life or end up looking ungrateful for the love you are already receiving?
Is it wrong to not want to fight? Just because you do fight does that mean you love each other or does it mean you don't get along? This subject can be so touchy because there is no fine line that dictates what side you are on. Also, passion in the beginning of a relationship doesn't stay and wears many different faces as the relationship grows with time. How do you know you are in a passionless relationship? Was it like that in the beginning? Do love the one you are with or do love the situation you have come accustomed to?
I myself do not have answers to all these questions. I, too, have fears that one day I could be in "that" place because no one is safe. We all want to be looked at with adoring eyes for the rest of our lives, is that capable or only in romance novels?
I can tell you one thing. I was in one of "those" passionless relationships. He was my best friend but more like my brother than a lover. He never fought because he was rational to my emotional. He let me be me anytime I wanted to be me but it wasn't nothing more than that. When things progressed I backed off. I felt something inside keeping me from wanting more, moving forward and ultimately falling in love. Though, I miss my friend, he deserved a love I was unable to give him as a lover. He was a great boyfriend and a fun person to be around. I was not the demanding, push comes to shove kind of person he might have needed. I, too, need someone to keep me grounded, focused and wanting more of.
Those who truly love us want us to be the best we can be. Most of us need encouragement, a little nudge or a nagging ear (or a swift kick in the ass). If you are just going through the motions and find yourself living in the love of just grey, time to start in fire in your heart.
Keep loving, Merry Ms Berry
We all want to be accepted for who we are and be given the opportunity to grow into ourselves. But how do we grow if we don't struggle through something? The article that I read was about being content in a relationship with no passion, but how do you find that passion without having to enter drama into your life or end up looking ungrateful for the love you are already receiving?
Is it wrong to not want to fight? Just because you do fight does that mean you love each other or does it mean you don't get along? This subject can be so touchy because there is no fine line that dictates what side you are on. Also, passion in the beginning of a relationship doesn't stay and wears many different faces as the relationship grows with time. How do you know you are in a passionless relationship? Was it like that in the beginning? Do love the one you are with or do love the situation you have come accustomed to?
I myself do not have answers to all these questions. I, too, have fears that one day I could be in "that" place because no one is safe. We all want to be looked at with adoring eyes for the rest of our lives, is that capable or only in romance novels?
I can tell you one thing. I was in one of "those" passionless relationships. He was my best friend but more like my brother than a lover. He never fought because he was rational to my emotional. He let me be me anytime I wanted to be me but it wasn't nothing more than that. When things progressed I backed off. I felt something inside keeping me from wanting more, moving forward and ultimately falling in love. Though, I miss my friend, he deserved a love I was unable to give him as a lover. He was a great boyfriend and a fun person to be around. I was not the demanding, push comes to shove kind of person he might have needed. I, too, need someone to keep me grounded, focused and wanting more of.
Those who truly love us want us to be the best we can be. Most of us need encouragement, a little nudge or a nagging ear (or a swift kick in the ass). If you are just going through the motions and find yourself living in the love of just grey, time to start in fire in your heart.
Keep loving, Merry Ms Berry
June 7, 2011
good, great or content?
How do we ever know we are in the right place at the right time? Are with the person that we are meant to be with forever? Are we in the right career? Do we know the right people? Do we ever know for sure what these answers are?
I don't think so.
We are where are supposed to be at this very moment because that's it. It's called having Faith. As for being in a relationship that will last the test of time, even being a married woman, I can't say that I have it. It's not that I don't love my husband and I want us to grow old together, but we don't know what might happen tomorrow. None of us do.
As for those who are looking to get married and start families, I believe that you already know deep in your heart you are or aren't with the person you are destined to be with. But I only speak from personal experience. From my very first date, I knew I was going to marry my hubby. All the other times marriage was ever brought up to me, I would have a panic attack, or get sick to my stomach, there was always something keeping me from moving forward. Now, I was engaged when I was at the young age of 20, but it fell apart. On top of when the time came for me to move to another state for him, I just couldn't bring myself to do so. Everything happens for a reason. If I would have forced myself to get married, I'm sure I would already be divorced.
I pose this question to the people who are in relationships that want to know if they are in the right relationship. If this relationship happened in your early twenties, would you marry that person? Take away the outside factors of age & biological clocks.
Deep down inside I knew I would find Mr. Right and it didn't matter how many Mr. Wrongs I had to go through. My "gut" knew who he was, so until that point, I had no problems saying good bye to Mr. Wrong. Things end for a reason. I've tried looking back to see if I missed an opportunity, but each time I did I was harshly reminded why things ended the way they did. Strongly reinforcing my decision to move on.
With this, are you happy now? If not, what are you going to do to change it? Only are you in control of whether or not you are happy.
Loving you! MerryMsBerry
I don't think so.
We are where are supposed to be at this very moment because that's it. It's called having Faith. As for being in a relationship that will last the test of time, even being a married woman, I can't say that I have it. It's not that I don't love my husband and I want us to grow old together, but we don't know what might happen tomorrow. None of us do.
As for those who are looking to get married and start families, I believe that you already know deep in your heart you are or aren't with the person you are destined to be with. But I only speak from personal experience. From my very first date, I knew I was going to marry my hubby. All the other times marriage was ever brought up to me, I would have a panic attack, or get sick to my stomach, there was always something keeping me from moving forward. Now, I was engaged when I was at the young age of 20, but it fell apart. On top of when the time came for me to move to another state for him, I just couldn't bring myself to do so. Everything happens for a reason. If I would have forced myself to get married, I'm sure I would already be divorced.
I pose this question to the people who are in relationships that want to know if they are in the right relationship. If this relationship happened in your early twenties, would you marry that person? Take away the outside factors of age & biological clocks.
Deep down inside I knew I would find Mr. Right and it didn't matter how many Mr. Wrongs I had to go through. My "gut" knew who he was, so until that point, I had no problems saying good bye to Mr. Wrong. Things end for a reason. I've tried looking back to see if I missed an opportunity, but each time I did I was harshly reminded why things ended the way they did. Strongly reinforcing my decision to move on.
With this, are you happy now? If not, what are you going to do to change it? Only are you in control of whether or not you are happy.
Loving you! MerryMsBerry
June 6, 2011
Would you want you?
Take a step back and put yourself in someone else's shoes. If you are pining away for someone to settle down with, would you settle down with you? What kind of person do you want to be with and are you the person that will fulfill the needs of that person?
Too many times I see my young friends, living a carefree life hoping from one relationship to another, with not a care in the world. But as we get older, doubt sets in and the dreaded "biological clock" starts ticking in their ears. Settle or continue the search? If you've been a relationship for a long period of time (ie greater than 4 years) are you going to continue to wait around for more with the hopes that it will happen because 1) you've put the time in your deserve it or 2) all that time and you don't want to have to start over in fear of more time you have to wait or 3) will you find someone else?
I myself have never bothered to entertain those desperate feelings of being alone and scared that I would end up by myself. For some reason I knew that I would get married and have a family. How, I don't know how except for I had a dream that I was with "the one" and since I wasn't there yet, I had time. I believe you are given little signals all around to help ease your heart & mind. Also, I was engaged at 20 to my first love, and if he wanted to marry me and that ended, in my mind it meant that I was marrying material and I just haven't found "him" yet. So when I was single I lived like I was and didn't worry about the next person. I was single for a reason, so let the fun begin. Of course, I toyed with the thoughts of, I wonder if this is the guy or not. I guess we'd have to wait and see. But if he wasn't I had no qualms moving on. Why waste time if you already know you're not meant to be. I'm not a stage 5 clinger and I think that's one thing that intrigues guys.
Guy want to be in control. Deep down they want to take care of their women. Well....most men do. I know a few that like to be babied like their mothers did for them. Ya, no thanks. But if you are so desperate to get married and have children, don't you think you might be wearing that in your eyes, ultimately taking control away from your guy. Yes, its good to be open and honest about what you want in your life, but is the clock ticking so loud that the rest of the world can hear it?
Love you! MerryMsBerry
June 3, 2011
Just not "feeling it"?
Everyone has heard the sayings "everything happens for a reason" and "listen to your gut", but here is exactly how and why. A lot of times, especially if you have been burned by a few bad relationships we think that our "gut" might be broken when a lot of times its on high alert. Also when people say they are "keeping their walls up", it is also another defense mechanism that our bodies have. Believe or not your body know what is good for it and what's not, that goes for people in your life, too.
A simple example is when I was ready to date again and this guy I started talking to wanted to progress a relationship quicker than I was ready for. Even though it was a nice ego boost to have someone want me that badly, I still feel rushed and manipulated into something I didn't want. Something just didn't feel right. I had my walls up and I thought if I make this guy jump through hoops he would lose interest and move on his way. Leaving me to keep my distance. But it just got worse from there. It seemed like I broke up with him every 30 days because he was freaking out about me being me. I couldn't get rid of him. Somehow he played on my weak points and let him stay around. I was physically getting sick to my stomach (note), and was losing weight from the stress & my ulcer flaring up (note) and I looked like death warmed over (pale note). I was on edge all the time, my nerves were shot and I jumped everything my phone rang. Ya, he became psycho-stalker dude.
If I had listened to what my body was saying in the beginning, during and even at the end, I would not have had to put myself through all the horribleness of what that psycho did to me. But I endured and came out on top in the end. Why? Because I rock. Jk! Actually I have some amazing friends and family that helped me through it. And it was awesome to learn how the legal system worked (note).
As for "everything happening for a reason"... I had to go through all that pain, torture and the loss of so many friends only to end up finding my soul-mate hubby because of it. Sometimes I think God makes you go through some of the hardest things in the world to watch you fight through it and in the end reward you with the best gift of all, LOVE. Whether love from others or love for yourself. God & your body have Their ways of getting through to you. Listen to them. Just people it might logically look good on paper doesn't mean it mean to be. (Ooooo more of that to come)
Keepin' my eye on you with <3, MerryMsBerry
A simple example is when I was ready to date again and this guy I started talking to wanted to progress a relationship quicker than I was ready for. Even though it was a nice ego boost to have someone want me that badly, I still feel rushed and manipulated into something I didn't want. Something just didn't feel right. I had my walls up and I thought if I make this guy jump through hoops he would lose interest and move on his way. Leaving me to keep my distance. But it just got worse from there. It seemed like I broke up with him every 30 days because he was freaking out about me being me. I couldn't get rid of him. Somehow he played on my weak points and let him stay around. I was physically getting sick to my stomach (note), and was losing weight from the stress & my ulcer flaring up (note) and I looked like death warmed over (pale note). I was on edge all the time, my nerves were shot and I jumped everything my phone rang. Ya, he became psycho-stalker dude.
If I had listened to what my body was saying in the beginning, during and even at the end, I would not have had to put myself through all the horribleness of what that psycho did to me. But I endured and came out on top in the end. Why? Because I rock. Jk! Actually I have some amazing friends and family that helped me through it. And it was awesome to learn how the legal system worked (note).
As for "everything happening for a reason"... I had to go through all that pain, torture and the loss of so many friends only to end up finding my soul-mate hubby because of it. Sometimes I think God makes you go through some of the hardest things in the world to watch you fight through it and in the end reward you with the best gift of all, LOVE. Whether love from others or love for yourself. God & your body have Their ways of getting through to you. Listen to them. Just people it might logically look good on paper doesn't mean it mean to be. (Ooooo more of that to come)
Keepin' my eye on you with <3, MerryMsBerry
June 2, 2011
Just Communicate
With the age of technology at its most advanced, it seems that people are using less face time to communicate but more time to communicate via email, text message, facebook, instant message (Gchat is my fav) and I've even sent voice messages as an mms. Here's what I found. We are so busy trying to keep our heads above water that we don't always have the chance to communicate face to face which is just fine but that doesn't mean our feelings are any less important and that any mode of communication is less effective than the next. They are all equally wonderful tools, catering to each individual person. (hmm.....video blog berry?)
Hubby and I had a miscommunication the other day and yes we are still learning as a married couple how to learn about one another. I work downtown and he works 2 miles from home, so there is ample time for me to sit and fester in my own bitterness, all the while I have no idea what is going on in his head. I am one that loves to love. I like to make people happy and when the one I love is not happy I take it personally, like I am not a good friend or wife. Even though I should know better not to think like that because hubby is his own man and his emotions are only in his control, I want him to be happy.
While at work (festering), I really needed to convey how I was feeling about the past few days but its hard while sitting in the middle of an office of nosey people. We were on a rollercoaster of emotions and it started to negatively effect me. Now hubby is able to just blurt out whatever is on his mind which I'm glad he's able to. As for myself, I think I am still working through communication issues with past relationships that are keeping me from just letting everything in my head and heart go. There are times where I've offended hubby with just being me, so I am trying to find the balance. So, I did want I know how to do best.....type!
In a series of 3 email, each getting shorter than the next I blurted out everything that I was feeling. The first email was the roughest and most raw, but it had to be. The next 2 emails were the softer parts of me explaining the necessity of the first one and then how my girl feelings were getting to me. And ya know what.....towards the end of the day he called and he saw where I was coming from and we were able to smooth out our issues because all the cards were on the table. It was extremely productive and it felt great to get everything out and discussed without the feelings of hurt, defensiveness or betrayal.
Now if I would have waited to get home to try and have this discussion with him, I know for a fact that it would get blown totally out of proportion, especially since my first email was on the aggressive, killer side of my emotions. He would have acted out in defense and nothing would have gotten solved and there's a good chance I would have thrown a shoe at his smart mouth.
Moral of today's blog......get it out there. It doesn't matter how it gets there, just get it there. Whether phone call, text message, email or carrier pigeon. Feelings and emotions need to be expressed or they will eat you from the inside out, I KNOW THIS for a fact. My ulcer will tell you the story at another time.
Loveloves! Merry Ms Berry
June 1, 2011
getting lost
Just like I told you the day before, I am human. I try to be the best me that I can be, (and not in the Army or Navy, whichever commercial that may be), nothing more nothing less. I try to treat people with respect the best way I know how. I do have issues with when I feel like I'm not being appreciated or I get verbally attacked. I actually kinda lose my head a little bit. I've been very good about leaving the room and keeping my mouth shut. I am not always able to communicate when I'm emotional and I don't always that something catchy or witty to say back. Nevertheless, I push down those feelings of being hurt to avoid a fight. If I said everything that came to mind (and I used to) I would probably in a fight all the time, whether with my husband, friends or co-workers. I am at a point in my life where I've realized that most people just don't care. They are going to do whatever they want to, with no regard to others feelings. I am not, nor will I ever be, one of those people. Now if someone crosses the line, I make it a point to express my feelings and observations of that, because sometimes some people do need to be put in their place.
I am at a point today emotionally where I am not sure where to go. It's hard for me to want to love others when the love that I'm seeking is not available. And it's not that there isn't love in my life through other people but I really only seek the love and approval from one particular person, and right now, I'm not feeling what I thought I should.
So, I'll do what I do best. I wrote an email. I have a knack of the written word, removed from emotion but no-so-removed that you can't feel where I'm coming from with love or the occasional dig. Yes, its passive aggressive. Yes, its me figuratively running the other way without confrontation but ya know what, I am starting to hate confrontation. I hate fighting. I only like going into battles that I can win, and that's it. I'm wounded and confused and need to focus on me for now. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. If there is, I will deal with the consequences later.
MerryMsBooBerry
I am at a point today emotionally where I am not sure where to go. It's hard for me to want to love others when the love that I'm seeking is not available. And it's not that there isn't love in my life through other people but I really only seek the love and approval from one particular person, and right now, I'm not feeling what I thought I should.
So, I'll do what I do best. I wrote an email. I have a knack of the written word, removed from emotion but no-so-removed that you can't feel where I'm coming from with love or the occasional dig. Yes, its passive aggressive. Yes, its me figuratively running the other way without confrontation but ya know what, I am starting to hate confrontation. I hate fighting. I only like going into battles that I can win, and that's it. I'm wounded and confused and need to focus on me for now. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. If there is, I will deal with the consequences later.
MerryMsBooBerry
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