getting lost

Just like I told you the day before, I am human. I try to be the best me that I can be, (and not in the Army or Navy, whichever commercial that may be), nothing more nothing less. I try to treat people with respect the best way I know how. I do have issues with when I feel like I'm not being appreciated or I get verbally attacked. I actually kinda lose my head a little bit. I've been very good about leaving the room and keeping my mouth shut. I am not always able to communicate when I'm emotional and I don't always that something catchy or witty to say back. Nevertheless, I push down those feelings of being hurt to avoid a fight. If I said everything that came to mind (and I used to) I would probably in a fight all the time, whether with my husband, friends or co-workers. I am at a point in my life where I've realized that most people just don't care. They are going to do whatever they want to, with no regard to others feelings. I am not, nor will I ever be, one of those people.  Now if someone crosses the line, I make it a point to express my feelings and observations of that, because sometimes some people do need to be put in their place.

I am at a point today emotionally where I am not sure where to go. It's hard for me to want to love others when the love that I'm seeking is not available. And it's not that there isn't love in my life through other people but I really only seek the love and approval from one particular person, and right now, I'm not feeling what I thought I should.

So, I'll do what I do best. I wrote an email. I have a knack of the written word, removed from emotion but no-so-removed that you can't feel where I'm coming from with love or the occasional dig. Yes, its passive aggressive. Yes, its me figuratively running the other way without confrontation but ya know what, I am starting to hate confrontation. I hate fighting. I only like going into battles that I can win, and that's it. I'm wounded and confused and need to focus on me for now. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. If there is, I will deal with the consequences later.

MerryMsBooBerry