A fart in the wind!

Again, I have decided to close the door on a relationship. I've had said person in my life for as long as I have been alive. We had grown up together, our moms had grown up together and our grandmothers traveled together during WWII. You might be asking yourself what horrible, indescribable thing did someone with that kind of family history had done to deserve to end a friendship? Well, I let her take advantage of me for the last time. And then when I told her how I felt she defended her poor actions and did not take responsibility for them, in the beginning. It was after quite a few heated emails that when my seriousness of the situation became relevant in her mind. Even now, she does not believe in her mind that I had any right to get upset to the magnitude that I had and that since she's "like family" and it's the holiday that I have to forgive her. Well....I don't have to do shit! You would think that I would be above being bitter and if this was a first time offense I totally would be. I'm all about accepting apologies and moving forward, but in this case she's a repeat offender of blatant disregard for people's time and feelings. She tries her damnedest to make everything all about her. She doesn't realize that her lack of effort towards others is no longer going to be condoned by me. And her manipulations of others for her emotionally, personal gain is not acceptable and darn right WRONG!

Why am I blogging my gripes today, you ask? This blog is actually about how to properly apologize. Learn to say you're sorry and shut your mouth (if you truly care about someone). If you apologize to someone but then give a line of excuses and justifications why you hurt them, you are telling that person that it's not really your fault their feelings got hurt. If you go on the defensive and have to explain yourself then you are NOT taking responsibility for your actions. We all make mistakes. We all take people for granted, a lot of times by accident. The best thing to do.....now repeat after me.....is say "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you or take you for granted. I will never do it again. Can you forgive me?" and then SHUT UP!!!! Let the person either accept or disregard your apology. Give them the chance and the opportunity to take it into their heart with no strings, bullshit or justifications attached. Give them the opportunity to say no. When you don't, it's like trying to force your own beliefs onto them.  If you're feelings get hurt, it's probably because the person you hurt is REALLY HURT! This will happen. Do not force the issue that your feelings are now hurt and now that this hurt person has to acknowledge you feelings too (ultimately minimizing the original person's hurt feelings).

All in all, if you hurt someone's feelings don't spin it around and make it about you. Try to go out of your way (if you truly care about this person) to make this person feel like their feelings are just as important to you as your feelings are.

Yes, I was made to feel that my feelings were unjustified and I should just let it go without detailed, just cause. Well looks what happens. Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on me. I know I will forgive this person in my heart, for she is not intentionally malicious but egotistically ignorant. I have the right to feel hurt and then tell that person how I feel without being told is not right. It's about having my existence and my feelings properly acknowledged. Time and time again I have pushed my own feelings aside for others, for the bigger picture. In this case, after years and years of repeated disregard, my feelings will be acknowledged without need to explanation!

Unapologetically yours, Merry Ms (kicking ass) Berry!

Sick of retail!!!

A sweet friend of mine is battling the bah humbug feeling of Christmas because she can't spoil her kids with gifts. I get it. Well how about all the other gifts? A favorite meal or something handmade with love and blood from paper cuts? How about all the amazing Christmas deals AFTER Christmas? Why does ONE day makes or breaks us financially and emotionally when there are 364 other days where we can bless our loved ones? What happened to being creative? Why does everyone fall into this STUPID idea that it's stuff that's going to make us happy? Yes, I love giving gifts just like anyone else does, but I'm not going to let it break me. Example. I am MAKING all my gifts. Me and my yarn are going to love on everyone as much as possible. I am blessed to be surrounded with people that love hats, scarves and mitties, my specialty! Here's the thing about my situation. After realizing that making something is more rewarding for myself, I went a little obsessed and learned as much about knitting and crocheting to meet my artist need of creation. And then....we bought a house, and a truck and a new picture window. My money is tied up in my home where I could house my family as guests and hopefully my future family to come. As much as I would love to spend top dollar to spoil those I love, putting myself anymore into the hole and stressing about money would just upset me and make me sick. I mean stress makes me physically ill, upset stomach ulcers, break outs, and muscles knots. I need to love me first so to be able to love anyone else.

My Feesha is putting herself through school, accidentally listened to her parents & got a crappy car, parted with one of her kiddies temporarily and is staying with family she doesn't particularly care for. And for what...for fun? NOT EVEN CLOSE! She's putting herself through hell for the betterment of her children's lives!!!! She is clawing her way to the top and I think that when her kids see that, THAT will be the best gift that she could ever give them. Though she is a "I want life to be happy now" kind of person, (like most of us) she is kicking ass and taking names every single day. Hopefully this little blog helps remind her of it. There will always be another Christmas where she can spoil her babies, until then she's taking care of herself. That's one thing she hasn't focused on in quite a few years. YOU HEAR ME FEESHA!!! One day in your children's lives are not going to make them love you any less. If anything it's going to make them love you even more. They are watching you fight the good fight and battle with blood on your face. I'm proud of you and always will be!

Let me make the kiddies something. My gift to you. oxoxoxoxoxox

Merrily loving you, Merry Ms Berry

There's no reason for me

not to be writing every evening. At this moment instead of focusing my emotion efforts on those I care about, my readers and other emotionally crazy fabulouses', I'm sorting through my Epic because with its current update all my songs got messed up. Now tell me, what would be more productive with my time? Sorting music, which I can do on the train to and from my gerbil cage made of brick, or writing down my life in bold type to eventually share with the world and possibly help those that are looking for it? Ok...ok...okay! I got it. So here I am typing away, getting mentally prepared to re-spill my guts out on digital paper. Here's the thing about it. I like to write when I am alone by myself, just me and my thoughts. Right now is as good as any. My hubby is passed out on the floor, I have laundry doing its thing, and I just finished a glass of tea....NO I am 70 years old. But damn it certainly sounds like it doesn't it. I'm not going to be much more "alone" than this.

Why this is just restarting now you ask? Over the summer, me and my mighty pen took to the summer sunshine and began to rip my mind apart via notebook. The first chapter that seemed fitting to start with was one of the biggest, my dad. I want to write a series of books on how all the relationships in my life helped carve out the person I chose to be and ended up (presently). I wrote in the present tense. Now if you are an avid reader of mine, you will notice that I kinda jump all over the place, not sticking to one tense or another. I write how I talk, it's my thang. Its how I resonate and choose to read authors that do the same. Being the ever dying perfectionist, I chose present tense so my readers are in my shoes, seeing what I see and feeling what I feel......holy shit was that hard! I've never written in that tense outside of poetry. come to think of it, my poetry is pretty heart wrenching also. Anyhoo, so as I am writing and spilling and thinking and filling these pages in some kind of serial killers handwriting I am reliving all the crazy, painful and strange experiences of having MY dad be my dad. Then out of nowhere it hits me like a ton of bricks. I am and was barely in control of who I am. I thought I was. I thought I had been making a full conscious effort to mold myself to the person that I've always wanted to be. But to my dismay that is only partly true. The figurative walls of my soul started crumbling down all around me. The parts of my personality from being able to never sit still, to my constant need for knowledge, attention and affection all stem from the relationship or lack of it with my alcoholic father. Now there are major parts of myself I've been in control of, such as my compassionate awareness and love for others that I have chosen to live. But the other parts like having to be good at everything, failing as little as possible, and my fear of confrontation with those I love.....ALL DADDY ISSUES! I was a mess. I had been hiding inside of myself for the sake of my marriage, being the good wife. But it wasn't a "good" thing at all because I wasn't being me. Yuck! Because I rock! And my hubby needs to see that!

I, also, saw how that pattern started showing up in all my other relationships. Now I guess its not that bad considering I married a wonderful man, even though he has few but similiar traits of many other Aquarians in my life. Not "all" bad. At least I can acknowledge those traits and know when to dodge the incoming spray of unbridled, sometimes delusional, emotion. YA, I said it! Oh, my dad was King Aquarius!

So with that all being said, I had A LOT of emotional clean up to do. It was also a time where I totally lost myself once again. I am constantly changing back and forth, never really knowing my purpose or my identity and that's a scary thing for a control freak like myself. Before I could come back to writing and spilling my life, heart, blood and tears on paper, I had to make sure that all the cracks that I have in my heart are acknowledged and on the mend. Yes, I was scared to write. This is what happens when you decide to become totally and completely transparent for the sake of others. They see your scars and to my surprise some of my scars were open confused wounds aching for a healing touch of acknowledgement.

So there it is. Even though you will not being seeing all that I write for my series of books, whaaaaa I know. I will keep you updated on my progress, breakthroughs, and epiphanies. This is going to be a hard journey for me because it's still ongoing.

Enlighteningly yours, Merry Ms Berry

Living up to who's Potential?

Recently I had a conversation with a friend that I've known since I was 16. He's one of those people who is too smart for his own damned good. At one point in our lives we had been very close and after a couple of years that ended. Though he has an IQ of 150+ his EQ hasn't quite caught up just yet. Have you ever noticed that you could sit and talk to a genius about everything except moving through the past and dealing with emotions?

Within this conversation I told him how much of a force of nature that he truly is. Then, he proceeds to tell me that he believes people when they say that he's not living up to his potential. Now, I grew up with that saying. I LOATHE THAT SAYING. It's like telling someone that they have a great personality when you don't want to call them pretty. Parents, peers and teachers do not realize that telling a child that they are not living up to their potential is basically telling them that they are not good enough. Even though they have the best of intentions when they say these things, why do they think that they know how to live our lives? Do we ever know? Isn't doing our best at something we love really living up to OUR potential?

I was told this many times. I was always the black sheep and did what felt right and not what others did (and I was great at it). It was at one point in my life that I started doing things that was expected of me, only to get sucked into the bullshit of the 9-5, gerbil wheel, made to feel worthless positions in life. But since everyone else was doing it, I was expected to suffer along with them. When I was going to school for art, had a long distance boyfriend and worked full time in the service industry I had more money than a 19 year old really should have to deal with. A few years later I tried to live up to the potential that others put in front of me. Only to because vanilla, grey, dead inside and either broke from money or broke from time. A little piece of my started to die. Talk about inner torment. Live for others and you will die by their hands. Live for yourself and light the path for others to shine! (man this good stuff right there!)

My genius friend is now and continues to believe that he's not living up to his potential. Could he take over the world, I'm sure with the right vehicle he could and should. He is one of those people you thrive to be around, but getting close is so hard you ache to know him. But then he'll push you away with words that cut you like a knife. He is one of those you hate to love and love to hate.

As we continued to chat I asked him why? Why does he believe that he's not good enough now? With all that he's experience to know, he's lived life more than people that are 70. From relationships, to moving, to loss and health issues, he's always come out on top and never once ever asked for help. Alas, he is doomed to suffer living somewhere outside of today.

Who do we think we are telling people that are missing their mark? Let's think about this. Who's potential are we supposed to be living up to? What exactly are we supposed to be doing to live up to something? Why is just being present in the now not good enough for some people?

I think about how the course of my life could have changed if I had gone to a different school, if I didn't mean this or that person, or if I didn't go on this date or that. I think about these things when I'm bored and doze off into lala land. It means nothing because I bring myself back to reality and see how it all panned out. I see how all the little threads of my life interconnected themselves through the good, the bad, the insane and the weird to become my now. It's truly wonderful to see.

Everything and anything has the potential to change. The earth has the potential to explode. I have the potential to become a porn star. A truck has the potential to hit me on the way home. Everything has potential, but it's fake.......it's not real. You can't grab potential. You can only use it to maybe help guide you into the future. Never listen to someone else's idea of your potential. Do we all have the room to grow and change, of course, but this is our only constant and it's up to ONLY us to figure that out.

Potentially yours (JK).......Lovingly yours, Merry (fired up) Ms Berry

Shameless Self Promotion

Whether it's 4 inch heels, red lipstick or a tight pencil skirt, there is going to be a time where you want people to notice you. Above are just a couple of my favorite "feel sexy" items to wear. Along with stumbling my way into your hearts, I also want to share some more favs of mine. From learning to make beer or wearing sparkling necklaces with my hubby's name on it, I want to show support to all things I love merrily.

A little bit more about myself is that I love to learn and do. I want to look into welding. I'm slowly mastering crocheting. I found a new love in costume makeup. I rocked it out as a zombie. You already know that I love to share whatever ever I have. From friends, to food, to my ideas. The more that's out there in world the more love that can go around.

In these times while I watch the glowing box on the wall tells me the economy is broken. We need to grab onto one another and help where we can. Whether its shopping from a friend's site or giving a few pennies in your pockets to a charity, these are the little things that help make this society great again.

Please support your local blogger, business owner and or any American making product company. There are so many products and services out there now that we need to focus who we are buying from and not only what. We can start a ripple effect and send the financial love all over.

Thank you for taking the time for others.

Ching chingly yours, Merry Ms Berry

Comments welcome!

I don't and will never claim to know everything of anything. Including the ramblings of my blog. If you by chance glance and a particular subject and feel that you I am either wrong, totally off base or just need more information please please please feel comment. I love comments! Good, bad or indifferent. We are all entitled to have JUST AN OPINION. Use it here! Please do! I want to here it.

Turing a bad day good by looking cute

I am about "the cute"!!! Here's the thing about being cute, it never fades. You can only be sexy for so long. Stuff starts to sag and you can't wear liquid black eyeliner forever (tear). But looking cute is 100% possible at any age. Whether be a new lip gloss, a pair of jeans that makes your ass look fabulous or taking a little bit of extra time on your hair, cute is the way to go.

Why do I bring this up? Because when I have a really bad day and I feel really bad about myself on the inside I make doublely sure that the outside of me looks fabulous. Why? When I hurt on the inside I can't hide it on the outside. I wear all my emotions square in the puss, no hiding NOTHING with me. I'd rather not scare people away with an angry scowl. Instead I want to be as approachable and eye catching fabulous as possible. Below was one of these days.

On this particular day I put on a pair of brand new skinny jeans (the only pair I own), my 4 inch, grey suede slouchy boots, with a low cut top and my new push up bra. I straighten my hair and make sure my eye makeup with fabulous! Head to toe I was frickin' HOT! And guess where I actually had to go? Menards!!! Ha! I went to the local home improvement store to return hardware and buy spray paint.

Here's my theory on why what I do works. If the outside of you looks fabulous (and you know it) then you are more apt to get attention from others, even if it's just an envious glance of why their butts can't look this good. Getting verbal (or non verbal) validation helps boosts your spirits about who you are on the inside. I am a sucker for good attention. If I look cute, I have NO problems taking compliments. ((((no flash photography please)))) And doesn't everybody love to get a little attention? Yes WE DO!

Now a warning! This is not a cure all!!!! This is meant to fix a temporary bad day. If you are having deeper issues with yourself please consult a licenced physician or your bff with a good bottle of wine. At the end of my day I had talked over a few things with the hubby and I began to feel better about myself. (Insert regular jeans & t-shirt)Yes, I have a lot of work to go, but I got real, loving validation from my honey and it had nothing to do with the shade of lipstick I was wearing. Also, he knows if I'm wearing red lipstick, it means I'm out for blood and to crush some souls (figuratively of course, can't ruin my new boots).

So ladies or anyone for that matter, if you feel great on the inside it will show on the outside. If you look great on the outside, it might seep in to the inside. Might! Make sure you are taking the time to really love the person that you are and all that makes you, you! There will always be hiccups along the way and with us constantly changing as we grow older, it's best to stay on top of you. Shit, I'm not the same lady I was 10 years ago and that's ok but I forgot to remind myself that I'm still a bad ass if I need to be. (walk, talk and slap a bitch with ponytail if need be)

Fabulously yours, Merry Ms Berry

One for awhile....

I have about a dozen posts that I've started, some with just titles, some with actual content that needs revising, finishing and posting. Here's the thing, I will be going over all of them, seeing which ones are actually important to be out in the world and then I'm taking a break.

I've come to some really hard realizations about myself, my personality, my little quirks and how my obsessive, need to be bigger, better, faster than who I am now stems from when I was way younger. I had a mini-meltdown over the weekend. Within this meltdown, I noticed that all the things I was expecting from the world I, also, need to start expecting from myself or not expect and just let go.

Last week I started writing a book. A book on how the effects of my relationships helped shape the person I am today, and how I thought I was successful to knowing when I found the person I am meant to be with. The first major part of this book started with my dad. I started writing in present form, a tense that I am not very familiar nor comfortable with. It was like I was reliving being 6, 10 and 16 years all over again. Though I am at peace with my father and his passing, I started to realize that my love for change, my inability to appreciate stillness, stability and a calm existence is in result of my dad. My passions for constantly learning new things, the idea my life isn't good enough, and thoughts that I must help others and ultimately change the world, are also caused from the past of inconsistencies, the stress of having to be perfect and putting everyone else's needs in front of my own. Yes, emotionally I am past the pain and anger from my past. But it came to a complete shock to how those incidences left, possibly, permanent mark in my personality.

On top of the whole "daddy issue thing", I was feeling this huge disconnect from my hubby, couple that with running into one of my ex's. AND not just an ex, "the ex", my ex-fiance. My first love and first person that I said I would spend the rest of my life with. After that and a day alone with nothing but my thoughts left to question my being as a whole. The thing about "the ex" is that the issues that I had with him, I would never have with my hubby. But the issues that I would never have with the ex, are the ones that I am having with my hubby. It's like trying to pull a piece of thread off your sweater and unraveling the whole damned thing.

So this is what I've come up with. I have a lot of emotional recall that I have to do. Before I can ever write about having or even getting close to being in a healthy marriage, I have to sort out my own demons. Hopefully my hubby will be on board with that and will pick up the pieces while I try to sort through the mess. I never claimed to be perfect, especially in my relationships. I really only claimed that I was the queen of dating, because yes I was a badass. Funny thought!!! My ability to morph into someone's dream girl and making them fall in love with me was a bi-product of my past. Stupid spiderweb on interconnecting like madness.

So from all of this, I also have to ask myself, did my husband really know who he fell in love with? Did I set us up for failure? Was I going along on false pretenses? I am the person I want to be or the person I think I should be? Is hubby my soul mate, and if not how will I know and should I stay if down line we just don't fit together?

So with this time away I will be focusing on me and my book. Time away because I know diving into the past is going to be a hard, tormentous, and hopefully liberating time for me. I need to focus on me so I come out even better and wiser to be able to love you.

Shakingly yours, Merry Ms"guided" Berry

Friends with a history don't mean s*!+

and what I mean about the title is that just because you've been friends with someone forever doesn't mean you 'have' to stay friends with them. People change and that's expected. We can't expect people to automatically grow and change with us. We all change. We form our own opinions, morals and values on how to live our lives. A lot of times people grow apart. We change at different points of our lives. Some people have to grow up fast or start their own family earlier in life. I, myself, did not. I saw a lot of friends getting pregnant and having babies while I tended bar and went all out night to the wee hours of the morning.

I have found that the simlarities we shared as teenagers never transfer into adulthood. Why must we cling onto the past party just to spend time with one another in the present? If there's someone in your life, now, that you don't feel is up to your standard in morals or values, why hold onto them? Just because they've been in your life forever doesn't mean they've earned a spot in your life now.

Example: If you have a childhood friend that abuses drugs, just because you have known them forever, does that mean you want that kind of person in your life?(unless you abuse drugs yourself. But that's a different topic all together)


Some people are just not meant to come with us as we get older and that's okay. Those who grow with you as a person and are able to share in experiences in everyday life  are the people you want in your life. I once dated a guy for a few months that did nothing but talk about his past with his friends when he drank. Since I didn't know anything about who he was talking about I was always left in the dark with nothing constructive to say. When you live in the past you are disregarding those in your present.

I grew up with a girl that I once had taken under my wing and thought that I was instilling the values I was brought up with. Within the last year I noticed she lived her life completely differently that I lived my own. Now, I don't think there's anything wrong in that except she expected people to take care of her. I was raised different. I was raised to be completely independent, no matter what. I've learned it's okay to ask for help but not to expect my parents, others, or the government to have take care of me. If I'm healthy and kicking, I'm working. PERIOD. I chose not to have her in my life. It doesn't matter to me that we've known each other our entire lives, it's who she is NOW that I don't accept. She is no one that I want my child to look as a role model. Why live in the past? So to destroy the future? MEH!

If you are struggling with your current association it's okay to say good bye. People fill a need or a void and when that is fulfilled it's okay to move on. How many billions of people are on the planet. Letting go of few just makes more room for the better.

Lovingly yours, Merry Ms Berry

Being aware & there

This segment is for one of my bff's Mark. He had been out of the dating game for some time and then kind of out of nowhere starting seeing a young woman 10 years his junior. Unfortunately it was a 2 month romance that was riddled with female insecurities and unstable emotions. Ya, it ended. :( Like myself, I tend to put what I'm feeling out into the world because I have lovely friends that either want to make me smile or rejoice in victories. He has consistently come to me over our many years of friendship when he gets lost in his own head and needs some clarification. He came to confused about how and why said relationship ended. Being the friend that I am to I had to tell him that "I kinda saw it coming", even though I had only met the girl once. The few times in which he had talked to me about her I felt this girl keeping her walls up and not fully letting Mark in.

Whether it was because I was once in that girl's scared emotional shoes with a fear of commitment because of a past crazy relationship or because I felt something more that I can't really explain, it's all about being aware. Now I didn't expect Mark to see it coming. Matters of the heart usually don't, hence why it's mentioned to be blind at times.

Have you ever "just known" that something was going to happen or knew the outcome of something? That's being aware. That's opening all your senses to seeing the world as a whole and all the little lives interacting with one another. When you have taken the time to reflect on your life and descions, whether good or bad, you are able to see how life pans itself out. You can see how a decision you made 10 years ago it helping change your life now. Also, you are able to take this new form of vision and see how other people are going to be changing their lives. Move or don't move. Jump or don't jump. No regrets! Let's see an example.

If I would have stayed at the first college I went to and forced myself to get a traditional degree I might have not worked at the nightclub by my house, where I ended up working for the corporate office, where I met this psycho that I dated who chased a handful of friends away forcing me to go online to find old friends from school which made me run into my old crush who I married 6 months later. Or I could have gotten married the first time I got engaged and ended up somewhere completely different missing the chance to be with who I think is my soul mate. I had to go through all these crazy, twisty turvy situations which were stressful, painful and confusing to come out the other side more aware and appreciative that I did.

Oo oo! I got another one! I became friends with a girl when I was 18, altering her path in life, leading her to move to Florida to get married, get divorced and I helped move her back. Within a few months of her being back I introduced her to a ton of people, who she all scorned, but hooked up with my ex-boyfriend who she ended up dating and then marrying. Any time within that 10 years, if I was not present, her life would be completely different. Even though she ended up being a 2 faced, back stabbing, whore of a human being, I'm grateful I was able to be the SOLE reason why their relationship formed. It's kinda like a little piece of revenge she has to wake up next to for the rest of her life. Score one for me!

Anyhoo! Take time to reflect on your life from a 3rd party perspective, emotions removed. You will then able to see how life forms, falls apart and rebuilds. It's totally fancisnating and I love every second of it.

"Visionary"ingly yours, Merry Ms Berry

Death is weird

Like anything else in the world, everyone reacts to death differently. Yes, it's probably because you are really going to miss that one person. Then on the other hand if that person brought you nothing but heart ache and grief, do you only grieve because you are expected to? Let's see a few examples.

My father passed away when I was in my mid-20's and if you had read any of my past posts you would know that I didn't have the smoothest or the most stable of relationships with my father. The last few months that my father was alive I was his go-to girl. My sister hadn't been around and I don't blame her. Those 2 had a worse off relationship than I did with him because she stayed around when my mom left. My sister got the blunt end of his emotional attacks, so I am no where close to upset for her not being around. Matter of fact, I would have been in shock if she was. She had every right not to be. There was something in the back of my mind that told me to be there for my dad because I didn't know how much time there was going to be left. He had lost his house and his health was fading fast. Even though he was a HUGE pain in my ass, he was still my dad and he needed my help. After my dad had passed the most emotion that I had actually  felt was one of my own selfishness. I was not going to have a dad to to "dad things" like walk me down the aisle. Even though I have no idea if he would have even made it to my wedding, it was those kinds of things that upset me. Not the drunken fights he had with me, or how I was the kid taking care of the parent. I guess I missed the idea of having the chance to have a real father-figure type dad. Recently as my sister's wedding, her new husband gave a little speech in the name of his father that has recently passed and everyone had tears in their eyes for one reason or another, but not me. I was called heartless because I wasn't crying, unbeknownst to any of the pain I had gone through with my dad and the tears I had already shed for such a figure in my life.

If someone is passing or already past in your life that you don't feel that you need to shed a tear for don't. A lot more times it's the past we want back and hold on to instead of seeing what is directly in front of us. Did I have good times with my dad, of course I did. Did I cry over those times, nope not a chance. You can't live in the past, that's why it's the past. It's a memory. Something you cannot touch but is there to help you figure things out now. If someone in your present didn't love you how you should have been loved, don't feel bad for them passing.

Death is a weird thing. It makes you want to be sad, but sometimes you are just relieved you are not obligated to care anymore. If someone wants to be in your life, they will. If they don't then what's the point in mourning since when they were alive they weren't around, and now that they are dead, they definitely not going to be around. Maybe my logic makes me a little bit more numb to death. Maybe a little piece of me died with each fight, each let down or with each of those promises broken.

So to my little Feesha. Feel anyway you want to feel. If you need to make peace with said dead person, she's listening to you right now there's no reason why you can't talk to her. If I were you, I wouldn't give it another thought. Yes, she was great to you in the past. But if she wasn't good to you in the present, then what makes her deserve your tears now? What are you really going to miss since she had already turned her back on you? I love you! Cry or don't cry. Feel or don't feel. Your logic will proceed your emotions, just like me......sometimes. Oh, and I'm proud of you for putting your foot down with SP. You a badass bitch!

Logically yours, Merry Ms Berry

You are who you have around you.

I have recently let some people in my life go and for a second I felt bad about it. Then I had to take a step back and remember that people are going to come in and out of our lives all the time. Then that also got me thinking about these particular people. I thought about their work ethic, drive to succeed or just to make it on their own 2 feet. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. This is I have always believed in and will instill the same values into my children when I have them. When I have children, there's one particular person I don't believe carries the same morals and values as myself when it comes to kicking ass and taking names, no matter how hard it may be. Do the right thing, not the easy thing. So, I don't want this person around the children (that I don't even have yet) because I do not believe that they would be a good role model. Then why would I want them in my life? Think about it. If there are people in your life that you wouldn't want around your children or future children then why do you keep them in your life? Why do you subject yourself to people who don't bring any value to your life? This also goes for my single parent friends! If you are seeing or thinking about seeing a particular person, is that person good enough to either "be someone you would want your kids with" or even around? And if they are not good enough for them, then why would they be good enough for you? Aren't we supposed to be the role models for the next generation? Aren't we supposed to be the ones that lead by example? If we want the best for our children doesn't that mean we should strive to be the best ourselves and expect the best in others around us? If we surround ourselves with the best, won't our children see that and know that as the norm? Wouldn't they come to be the best and expect the best around them, too? Just a few thoughts from our neighborhood friendly Ms. Berry.

Lovingly, Merry Ms. Berry

A little Naughty goes a long way

The past week I was in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic for my sister's wedding with a couple dozen of friends and family. It was the first tropical and week long vacation that I have taken with my husband....ever. It was fabulous! A lot of craziness when down including myself in the madness of it all. As I am looking back on all the sha-na-na-gins and trying to piece together a few foggy days, I remember one of the first drunken evenings we had and it started to make me think more about marriages and what it really takes to keep them healthy and together.

Now with that being said, the couple in question IS NOT ME AND MY HUSBAND!!! I cannot stress that enough.

After a fun day of drinking and eating and more drinking, a handful of us decided to take a walk down to the beach in the moonlight. Well....we never made it to the beach. Instead I had this great idea of skinny dipping. Considering my free spirit and wild child past, you would have thought I would have been a ton of times. Until last week I have never been. I know!

2 pools, more beer, a doobie and a bunch of clothing later, there we were in our birthday suits just enjoying one another's naked company. Since the entire lot of us were entirely inebriated and not caring about anything else except our own little worlds the nakedness felt natural and also expected.

The next thing I know is I see a girl going down on her man. Oh my! Go them! A few moments later I see her climb her man like a steed and proceed to have her way with all of him. Now at this point I decided that I am NOT that much of a free spirit to interrupt them and go to the other end of the pool to let them have their lovely moment in the moonlight. I was later informed that a few moments after she mounted him, he took control and proceeded to pound her into the pool tile. Woo hoo! Free porn for the resort workers. Which I might add took their time doing laps around our particular pool. Meanwhile I took refuge in the shadows of the pool away from spying eyes. Drunk.....? Definitely. Oblivious......? Not even close.

A couple days later we were all talking about said situation and I come to find out more about my friends the exhibitionists. He works day, she works nights and weekends. They have 2 small children and really don't ever have time to themselves. If given an inch then they were taking a mile. This was one of the few times that they actually had just time to themselves to focus on one another. They were going to make every second count no matter who was there to witness the beauty of their love making. And so be it. I am proud to call them my friends. Now I don't recommend this anywhere else than a locked up resort with all inclusive alcohol. But I appreciate them taking the time to make sure they show each other how much they love and miss one another. Like my other friend said, "there's nothing wrong with some free porn. It's nature."

I guess since it's just hubby and I now, and the pets, no children, I am completely spoiled by his company. Yes we still paw each other but there's no death defying pool acts of love going on at the house because we have only each other when ever we want. So here's to you parents of multiple of children. Get your pounding on and making your marriage work, no matter who's watching.

Loving in awe and a little bit of shock, Merry Ms Berry

Fresh and hot, but sometimes cold.

Wounds are fresh and hot but they are served up with a side of cold. This is about relationships starting and ending. It happens all-the-time! Let me set the scene for you.

My precious Feesh just successfully (about 70%)  pulled emotionally away from an extremely toxic relationship. Within just a couple short months another suitor gained her attention. Instead of taking the time to really let those open, constantly picked at wounds to heal, my precious Feesh romantically started to fall again for her friend. I am all about mushy love stories and was hoping for the best. More time than not, that's not the case. I myself have been in more than enough relationships to feel the burn of rejection. Alas, it wasn't meant to be for my Feesh. Instead of brushing off her shoulders, she deems the world as mad and that love isn't real. How can that be when I love her so much? Hmm.....?

Here's a few lessons we can all learn from Feesh and hopefully she's going to read them and learn for herself.

Be open and honest with what you are feeling no matter who you are feeling them about. If it ends, it's still going to hurt, no less if your cards were on the table. At least you can say you led with an open heart and let things happen the way they should. Guys are scared too! They don't get hints and setting up scenarios always sets them up for disaster. Talk to them, if they don't feel the same at least there are no games, no hints, no confusion on trying to torture yourself with trying to figure it out. AND the sooner the better, that way you're not wasting time on the wrong person.

Take time for yourself to heal. When a relationship ends (over & over & over) we lose a little piece of ourselves. Its those pieces that we've given to that other person that is no longer in our lives. Here's the thing about those holes in us, they need to fill up by themselves. If you try to fill them with other people, you're really just putting a band-aid on the open wound. You only really re-injuring the hurt, not letting it heal. Only you and time will let those things heal. See, now that this dude has pulled away from my Feesh, those unhealed wounds are back open ozzing yucking, foul, drippy, negativity of pessimistic hatred for love. (That's a lot of adjectives, better appreciate them).

Love thyself first and other love will follow. If you don't love you, then how can you expect anyone else to love you? Bitch get your swagger on!

Everyone we meet and spend time with in our lives are there to show us something. Something about ourselves and/or something about the world. As for SP(dude) & Feesh, I know exactly why they had their time together, and it wasn't about jumping into another relationship or killing off the idea of love. It was about feeling things that she thought were dead inside. Figuring out what you really want. Caring for a friend more than just a friend and realizing a friend could be a lover too. It's about knowing that you can fall again. That time together brought so much life out of her that seemed to have been beaten out of her. She was able to let go and love herself. She has gotten her swagger back. Now, she just needs to take what she learned from this and move forward, happily. It's like falling down and blaming your shoes. You willingly put on the shoes and you could have not been looking where you were going. I'm sure somewhere down the line all she wanted was to feel that way again. Well, her prayers got answered. How do I know this? Because I've made the same mistake about not asking for exactly what I wanted. All I wanted was to fall in love and that's exactly what happened and then it all fell apart. And then when I was NOT specific about anything, this douche bag somehow made it into my life and continued to mess things up.

You have to stay on top of your thoughts. Invite in good and you will get good. But just like weeds when you're not looking, crap finds its way in. Know thyself and what you deserve and want. You will get it.

Randomly rambling, Merry Ms (<3ing Feesh) Berry

Things that I've learned from Zoey

This is Zoey. She's is my angel complete with white furry wings (ears). I was blessed to get Zoey when I was 21 years old and it's been amazing to have her in my life. She has been my best friend and road trip parent in crime since day one. I drove down to Kentucky in the middle of an ice storm in January to get her. I was ran off the road and watch a car spin out and hit a wall. It was the beginning our adventure as master and doggie. Here are some things that I've learned from my little angel.

1. Tone is extremely important when talking. You can be saying something nice but with the wrong tone it will come off offensively or dominating.
2. Be comfortable anywhere. Whether you're upside in a bed of pillows or just lounging outside in the lawn, it's important to be you. Be comfortable being you, it will make everyone else around you more comfortable.
3. Bite me once, shame on you. Bite my twice, shame on me. Enough said.
4. It's only fur don't let it ruin your day. Little things are going to disrupt your day like white fur on a black pair of pants. It's going to happen, brush it off and keep going.
5. Kiss the tears away. I was in a toxic relationship and cried a lot and Zoey was always there to kiss the tears off my face. She would go above and beyond to get to me to make me feel better. If someone you love is in pain, make sure you go out of your way to make them feel better.
6. Chase squirrels!!! Go after what you want, even if you have failed every time. If you have fun chasing squirrels, keep doing it. If you love sports but suck at them, keep doing them. Who cares? It's all about having fun.
7. Be excited to see the ones you love. Every time I come home she would freak out, jump and kiss me. How can you ever stay in a bad mood when someone shows you they love to see you? Be excited to see your loved ones.
8. Love unconditionally. We all make mistakes. We are all going to get dirty, get sick, say the wrong things, all we can do is forgive those we love and love them unconditionally to let them know everything is going to be okay.
9. Acknowledge the ones you love. We all can't communicate perfectly but if we try to figure it out the signs and clues or even a look in their eyes, you'll just know what or how they are feeling. Be aware and notice your loved ones as much as possible. We all need our existence to be acknowledged
   
   

It's amazing how a creature that just wants to love you and can't even talk can show you the simple pleasures in life. It's in these simple terms, a woof, a wag of a tail and those puppy dog eyes is where you find the meaning of life. Love. Just love the best way you know how. Love for yourself and love for others. We all are going to make mistakes but if we keep on loving then it will make for a good day...mistake or not.

Lovingly, Merry Ms Berry (Zoey's mommy)

Just cuz I give doesn't mean you can always just take from me.

I love to give of myself to others. Not in a dirty, slutty way, but in an emotional, spiritual, monetary, or brainstorming way. I love to share with people. If I have a dollar and you need it, it's yours. If you have a sitaution that needs attending to, I'm here to help look for solutions. I like being that person that people can turn to.

But I do not like people who are leeches, who drain the energy right from your soul. The people who know how nice you are and think they can take advantage of you. Those people in your life that do nothing but complain and dump all their problems on you. The same people that unless you are "going to take care" of them, don't want to be bothered with doing the right thing to help themselves. If you are one of these people....JUST STOP IT!(after rereading this, how do these people know that its them?...haha!)

If you are one of the people that keeps giving and giving and giving and is starting to feel resentful or just feel drained.....STOP giving! It's okay to stop. I give you permission. You have to take care of your FIRST!!! If you are the one that keeps listening to the same problems from people, over and over and over and over, and even though you have given solutions out, nothing changes....stop listening. Let these people figure out their own crap because apparently they don't think they need to listen to you. If you've been having the same conversation for years, it's time to stop having it. It's not going to change. You can be the only one that changes. And trust me, as I type this to you, I am telling myself the same thing.

The world is about balance...giving and taking. If someone is offering you help, take it. If someone is not offering you help don't expect them to drop everything for you. Don't expect people to come to your rescue. If you need rescuing then your problems are way deeper than they appear. If someone offers you help and you turn them down, more times than not the offer will be off the table later. If you are miserable and are constantly having to spill your drama on someone just to listen but in turn you don't heed advice, your problems are YOURS. Those problems aren't going away because of....YOU! When you are concerned about no one but yourself and things don't go your way, of course your world is going to be upside down. Your bubble is a small place to be. Add issues inside the bubble and where do they have to go....NOWHERE! They are going to stick around until you change and LEAVE YOUR BUBBLE!

Here's how to be better, less whiny, less dramatic, adding value to society kind of person. Get off your ass and help someone else out. Ya, I said it!!! Stop thinking about yourself. The world is full of problems, if you try to solve them I promise you that you will feel better about yourself. If you are out in the world trying to make it a better place I promise you that you will find solutions to your own problems. If you are giving of yourself, others will want to give to you. Ya know......BALANCE!!!!!

If you give to just receive you are missing the point. Give because you want to and the universe will want to give to you. When you meet someone like me, don't expect me to save you...you wanna know why? Because I have to make sure that my life and hubby come first. If that is endangered because someone needs saving, that's a sign that no amount of my help is going to save them.  And yes, if you haven't guessed, I have had to deal with exact subject in my own life in the last few days. I've had to say NO. No to watching or listening to people who will not help themselves. I will always love people for being people but it doesn't mean I can save any of them, unless they want to save themselves. I only have what's in my head and my heart. Start digging in my pockets and you're going to pull back a bloody stump...figurative of course.

Bitterly yours, Merry Ms (bite bite) Berry

P.S. If you have a friend that calls you to "just check in to say hi and howdy do", make sure you do that same. It's called being a GOOD FRIEND!

Let them fall!!!!

I am blessed with many people in my life. There's a good amount of giving and receiving, loving and sharing, fighting and disagreements. This is life! I am also blessed with the continuous opportunity to help people. If people that I care about come to me with a problem or issue, 9 times out of 10 I am able to help them. It's just one of those things. I am happy to share, connect and direct someone to help them out of a negative situation.

With that said.......I am also learning when to turn around, run the other way and let people fall. Why? Because that's what my mom did for me. She gave me the chance to succeed and the chance to fail. She let me hit rock bottom, showered me with love and watched as I clawed my way back up. I earned everything I have, of course getting gifts along the way, but nothing I expected or felt I was entitled to. I am thankful for everything that has ever come into my life. And if I wasn't, it's funny but that stuff is no longer around. Interesting how that works out.

There are people out there that have never felt the pain of a skinned knee, the break of a heart being cheated or the feel of the bottom where all is lost. These kinds of people have been "protected" and spoiled by parents that thought that giving their kids everything will make life easier. In turn, it actually hurts them. It hinders them from really finding out what they are made of. It keeps them from making sound decisions bases on real life experience (since theirs are diluted). They are ungrateful to having to roll up their sleeves and kick some ass when there is ass that needs kicking. I have some of these people in my life. It's really sad to see grown adults who haven't made a sound decision in their life whine about their failures or how things aren't working out because 1) they are not trying hard enough 2) don't know what to do so they don't do anything or 3) are waiting and relying on other people to save them.

Like a mother of an addict, I am an enabler. I am an emotional enabler. I believe that deep down inside everyone knows when the rubber has to meet the road, where the right thing to is harder than the easy thing, and that when push comes to get shit done. Why? Because that's how I am. If I'm like that, shouldn't a lot of other people like that? Ask any of my peoples. If I need to get something done,......it gets done. It's not hard, you just do it. You go out and do it, no matter how hard. The right thing is always better to go than not.

So "these" spoiled individuals come to me in their desperation. I am only one person and can only really save you if you really need saving. I am blessed with people in my life that help me offer other people gifts and blessings that I can share. But, if I give you blessing, that you have asked for, and you throw it back in my face and say it's "not right for your situation", even though it is.....be warned. This is your only warning. You will not only not ever receieve another loving, heart felt gift from me again. I'll make sure you know how lost and delusional you actually are, living in a world that you think that should take care of you. You wanna know who's supposed to take care of you, as an adult.........YOU!!!!

NO ONE ELSE!!!!

Yes, we all far on hard times. This is when you roll up your sleeves, shovel shit out of your way and make things better for yourself. Not sit on your ass and wait until someone else takes care of it for you.  I will let you fall. I will watch you fall from grace and have the chance, just like all of us, to find out who you really are. Fight your way back to good and congratulate you for becoming the real you. It's hard, please just fight to be the best you that you can.


Motheringly your, Merry Ms Berry

It's not you, it's me. No really.

We've all heard this line but like it or not it's true. But the fun part about it is that it's true from both sides. It's both of you! Whether it's physical, mental, emotion or spiritual, there's always going to be something that shows itself to let you know a break up is near. AND THAT'S OKAY! Yes, break ups suck. But they can also be exciting. Think about it. Break ups mean a few things. 1) you or the other person is not happy. Which means something better is out there. 2) You have another life changing experience under your belt. 3) You can be recklessly, irresponsibly single. Those all sound like a lot of fun to me!

I know a lot of people who take break ups super hard because they feel like they've failed. Or they feel stupid for picking the wrong mate. Or they think there is something wrong with them. None of those are correct. We choose who we choose at that time because there's something in them that makes us want them. There's nothing wrong in that. We all make mistakes. At one point in your life you chose that person to fulfill something in your heart. If it didn't work out it means that it didn't fill you up enough and the relationship was lacking in other spots. Or you were just too different to work those differences out. Either way....it's OKAY!!!

There was a time when I dated my best friend. Almost instantaneously after the first kiss I knew I had made the wrong decision. Instead of stopping it right there I proceeded to give the relationship a chance for a couple of weeks, but I knew it was going to have to end. Something deep inside screamed and clawed its way out. During the break up talk, I had to tell him it was me because it really was. There were so many wonderful aspects of him but something bigger, stronger and wiser was working against me being with him. That was the hardest conversation that I ever had to have. I was breaking the heart of my best friend. I had to. For the sake of his happiness and that of my own.

All things have a beginning and for the most part all things have an end. It's all of the circle of life. It's just one those things. If you know there's something inside of you that logically doesn't seem to be making sense but emotionally you know you should listen....LISTEN TO IT!!! Sometimes you just have to rip off the band-aid to let the wound heal with some fresh air. If it's meant to be in the future it will. If not, then it won't.

I believe that sometimes dating is like sales. You just have to run the numbers. That and making out with people is totally fun! You are welcome to use my pick up line. "You're cute. Wanna make out?" Worked every time!!You're welcome!

Introspectively yours, Merry Ms Berry

I want you to know me.

Because you are not alone. Today I listened a lot about good and bad, receptive and closed off, life and death, tragedies and lessons. It all made me think about me at this very second and what it all took to get me here.

When you first meet me you might think that I don't have a care in the world, I've never felt any pain, that I have always been blessed with a cheery disposition and a great outlook on life. Well....quite the contrary. What made me think about this is when the love of my life (hubby) is in a bad mood and I was unable to cheer him up. Yet, in the same day, I sent one of my bff's a text message and the exact time that he needed it and it helped pull himself out of a funk. After 2 very different conversations with 2 very different men in my life, I realized that it's all about perception and reception.

At first getting to know me you would never know that I was once a perfectionist. Or that my father was an alcoholic and I was an addict. Or that I hated myself for not being perfect. You would never know that I excelled in everything I did because I just wanted the approval of my peers and my family. I don't wear the anguish on my face from messed up relationships, getting cheated on, stabbed in the back and belittled for just being me. I've had (probably still have) haters, which is fine.  I've had 3 mental breakdowns where I cried (and I mean sobbed) everyday for months, leaving me a shell of a human being. Or that I used to lay in the dark with candles lit listening to sad music. You would also never know that at one point in my life I was so brutally tormented and verbally abused and threatened that I thought killing myself would be my friends and family's only savior from this psychopath.

Why am I telling you this? I'm telling you because when I put myself out there to try and make other people feel better from a shitty day, I want them to know that I've been there. I've been in that dark place so deep that just merely existing hurt. I've been in that place where you've run out of money and every bill is due tomorrow. I've been there. I've traveled the most inner depths of my soul. I've taken journeys with other people into theirs to explore, realize and have life changing epiphanies. I've been there. I've stayed home from work and school because I was in so much pain that my back just wouldn't let me up. I've been there where my knees were so bad that I would be in tears just walking. I've been under so much stress that I now have ulcers that once stab me to my core and put me on the floor. I see you! I feel you!

I wear my heart on the outside because I want YOU to know me. I wear it to show you that I am open, vulnerable and that you can trust me. I also wear it to show people that I am not afraid. I am strong. I have fought a great fight against the world and myself from the utter depths of darkness. I came back and realized what you should happy for and what you shouldn't waste your energy on. I've been there on the brink. I've dragged my body through my own personal hell with a fucking smile on my face for the world to so no one felt my pain. I did and will always do it for you. Because I want the world to know that people like me DO exist!!! We fight our battles for others. And for what??????? Peace of mind and true happiness. It's that simple. I write for you because you need it. If you're struggling you need to know my story. You need to know that you're going to be okay. That if I can do it, so can you. You need to know that happiness is so simple to achieve it just takes some practice. It's a change in perception. It's deciding that nothing has power over you except  you. No bill, no house, no boyfriend, lover, peer, drug or job!!!!

Don't be afraid. Don't be angry. You are only hurting yourself and trust me, it's not worth it.

Lovingly yours, Merry Ms Berry

I'm taking the cape off.

It's about that time. Ya know when Superman or Spiderman just wants to be a normal because when they are trying to save the world they are getting nothing but shit on. Well ya, I'm at that point. It's not one major thing that happens, it's the little stabs at the heart, the tiny inconsistencies of being inconsiderate. I always think of others before I think of myself because somewhere along this fucked up process, that's how I thought I would get treated. But sadly enough that is not the case. I want to believe people are good, but time and time again I just get pushed around, let down, or taken advantage of. AND I am the only one to blame. I give people to much bloody credit! So, I'm taking off my superhero cape. My shoulders are sore from carrying the BS of others. I will always be here to send out my words of love and strength, but right now my heart is heavy and I need to love me first.

The world will go on and people will remain the same. But until I see otherwise is my immediate life, which is totally on me, don't expect me to be saving anyone. I am saving myself and my hubby, because he's the only one that needs me now and forever, like I need him.

I thought your friends were supposed to be there to help you, not take care of you. You take care of pets and children, not GROWN adults. If you are a grown adult and feel you need to be taken care of.....GET OVER YOURSELF. YOU'RE NO ONE SPECIAL! We all have to go through crap. We all have responsibilities. And we all have to depend on no one but ourselves. I have to do what I have to do! You have to do what you have to do! Just DO IT!

Okay, I'm done. Unless something earth shattering strikes my heart and makes me want to share with you, please don't expect much from me right now. I love you all, but I love me most. I have to, because that's why you get the best of me in these words.

Sparingly, NotsoMerry Ms Berry

Don't throw your mirror at me.

Insecurities are a tricky little fungus that's hard to recognize how and where it came from. I've been asked to elaborate on why people might do what they do.

I have found in my own personal life and observing the lives of others that usually when one party insistently accuses the other party of anything whether it's "being too nice", flirting, cheating or whatever people do, it's usually because the accusing party is actually doing the same. It's a classic situation of projection.
These people that project these kinds of feelings onto those that they say they love is because they think "well if I'm doing it then they must be doing it, too." Because if they aren't then how does that make me look as a person. They use the "eye for an eye" theory. They also believe that everyone does it, too.

Now I do understand there are some people that hold onto the past and anything that has happened they only assume it'll happen again. I've never cheated but have been cheated on. It's not fair to treat those you care for negatively because someone completely different hurt you. Everyone deserves to be treated individually.

Ok, back to insecure ramblings. Let's look at some fun examples!

I dated this guy Senor Douche Bag. No one is allowed to know or even say his name because that would make him human and he is not. Because people have souls and he doesn't. SDB (for short) was constantly telling me how I freak him out, how he doesn't trust other guys around me and how uncomfortable I seemed to make him at times. In the beginning I wouldn't stand for this kind of talk and told him that I didn't deserve to be accused of anything. I had no problem ending the relationship but he always seemed to weasel his way back. At the end of the relationship, to hurt me as bad as he possibly could, he told me he had been cheating on me almost the entire time. Also, not only that but he laso said that all the other guys I had dated had cheated on me, too. The way that he talked to me was like he knew the other guys I had dated. Yes, some of them did cheat on me, but I also know that there are guys that I dated that didn't. Matter of fact, they just weren't the cheating type. The relationships just weren't meant to be and had to be dissolved. SDB had felt to horrible about himself without even realizing it that I was a threat to him. He was jealous of my mental stability and the love that I had for myself that he was going to do anything in his power to break me. And sadly to see he almost did.

When people start spewing nonsense at you and you have no idea where it's coming from...it's coming from the reflection of their own mirror. It's what they see in themselves and in their heart, so what's on their heart is going to go into their thoughts, therefore shooting out of their mouth. They don't realize it's not real people they are a delusional bunch. Know thyself and that's it. We, all, are going to com across insecure people with either scared hearts and skeletons in their closest. Matter of fact, we ALL have a past. We all make mistakes that we HAVE to learn from. That's the best part, we can learn, live and be better. Don't hold onto the past it'll never change. Assume the best in people and more times than not you'll get it. Figure out why you feel the way you do, whether you're the accuser or the you're the accusee. Life is way too short not to be able to just let go and breathe.

Openly yours, Merry Ms Berry

Learning the lessons from Douche Bags

We will all encounter douche bags in our life, whether friend, foe or family. These are people that are so miserable with themselves that they have the need to pull people down with them to their level. I believe that these people are put in our lives by a combination of Divine and Sadistic intervention. These people are consumed by their own self-doubt and they think since they are thinking this way then everyone around them are a) having the same thought b) doing the same things they are or c) have a self righteous attitude and need to be brought down a couple of pegs. People with this mind set are miserable people. They believe they must step on others to go up in life.

I believe that God puts these kinds of people in our lives as tests. Huge, death defying, moral withstanding tests against all of your better judgements. Why? So when you come out the other side you will be rewarded with blessings beyond measure. I believe it's in these situations and experiences is when you are going to learn the most about yourself and those around you. How about a couple examples?

Senor douche bag. A 9 month, on & off, relationship. He was tall and made me laugh. Outside of those 2 traits he had nothing else positive to add to society. If he vanished off the planets we would all breathe a little bit easier. Even though he was very smart and remembered pretty much everything, he used his powers for evil. He found out and used my insecurities and vulnerabilities against me. He knew I had a soft spot and I believed in giving second chances.....which is a case by case basis. It seemed like every month I was trying to break up with him and I would let him crawl his way back in. There were even a few times during the whole mess when he would verbally abuse me with insults so bad I would cry for days. Why did I put up with this? I couldn't even give you a good reason. At the end it had gotten so bad that I had to trick into thinking that he was breaking up with me.....I KNOW! It was pretty funny when he tried to throw that into my face about how "he" broke up with me. Ha! Tard!

He said he wanted to "hurt me as bad as I hurt him". Here's the thing about that cliche line, I never hurt him. He hated himself so bad for "losing" the game that he was playing with me when I decided to leave that he pulled out all the stops. From insults, to threats, to emailing friends lies, to threatening the safety of my dog, there were no low blow punches this guy didn't try. The result of all this madness was losing people out of my life that I thought were my friends.  When I needed them the most (which is rare) they turned their backs on me.

Here comes the great part. It was all worth it!!!! I don't need people in my life that aren't real friends. And, if those supposed, fake, loser people didn't leave, I wouldn't had ventured out onto a social networking site to find old college friends, only to stumble upon my old crush. It started with 1 email. From that one email I am now married to the most amazing man! I had to lose everything that I thought was real (which wasn't) to make room for all the amazing people that stayed and filled up my heart with pure and real joy. Thanks to Senor Douche Bag, he detoxed my life for me. Isn't that wonderful!!!!

We will all go through things we won't understand right away. It's up to you to stay alive with your eyes wide open and be aware that more is coming. More wonderful, crazy, random greatness. Life is all about balance, yesh? Think about it. If you are getting dumped on with nothing but doodie, you will come out on the other end with beautiful, amazingly smelling, gorgeous flowers!!! There is always light at the end of the tunnel. Just remember to look up.

Purposely yours, Merry Ms Berry

The bush & an olive branch.

I am not without stumbling over irrational emotions even if they are deserved, and this weekend is a perfect example.

Sunday was meant for yard work. My poor hubby had to work at his job for about 4 hours in the morning and then came back and we started yard work together. I cleaned up apples and dog doo while he trimmed and cut the lawn. After that, my mind when completely blank, totally forgetting that I told him that I would help with this crazy bush growing in our fence. I went inside to cool down and relax. The next thing I know hubby is stomping around with this attitude on his face. Being the concerned and always curious wifey, I decided to find out what was wrong. With a little prying and a few repeated askings, he finally spilled out that he was frustrated that I was not outside helping with the bush. Instead of him just asking me to come out, he assumed that I thought I was done for the day and decided to take a load off. We had a few smart ass things to say to each other along the lines of "I can't read your mind, my bad" and him with "I thought you were going to help me" blah blah blah. He stormed off and I went back to sitting because, out of principal, if he wanted my help he could have just asked nicely. I really did forget about the bush, but I knew he had no right to fly off the handle about at me.

Instead of chasing him down, that's not really my m.o., I grabbed his laundry and went downstairs. There I proceeded to throw a load in the washer for him as I took mine out of the dryer. In the time I was fluffing and folding, I was going over in my head the current sitauation at hand. I got madder and madder and furious by the time I was done folding my laundry.

I grabbed my gardening gloves and flip flops. If he wanted my help, he was going to get it but not in happy wifey fashion. I attacked the bush angry and with pruning sheers, at the same time cursing him to the winds. As I unleashed on vegetation I also unleashed on him. If he wanted attitude well dagnabit he's going to get attitude and a barrage of it. I knew he would storm off, but I didn't care. I had a point to prove and the light-hearted, understanding wife had been pushed aside and the moral avenger had gotten her feelings hurt.

15-20 minutes, about 2 pounds of sweat and 20 pounds of hacked up fence twinging bush later, husband emerges cleaned up and with a glass of water. After offering me water, which I politely declined, he apologized for his attitude. Even though I was not looking at him, I did hear him. When he was finished expressing his apology I turned to him to say "Apology accepted. Thank you, I will take the water now."

I could have belittled him and tore him down, but what's the point. It was really hard for him to come out and offer an olive branch in the midst of my vegetation killing spree. I knew this and I acknowledged it. I'm not perfect and neither is he. We are both always working on our marriage and this is no exception. He went on further to say how hard it is to calm down once he gets upset and that he knows that he needs to work at it. Point taken. I showed him in my behavior how he made me feel and how he looked. Now, I really do not recommend this kind of behavior. I, myself, only know how I feel and I knew all the anger building up inside was not going to go anywhere but out. With my mom in mind (she also takes anger out on vegetation), I had to let it all go, no matter how many bodies were left behind me. But in the end it all worked out great. We didn't discuss his attitude at all after that. We went out and had a lovely time of burgers and ice cream. We love food!!!!

So the moral of my story? Don't deny your feelings, but also don't deny other people's feelings either. If they are all out on the table, no matter how they got there, it's easier to sort them out once in the open. Always be careful with someone's heart when they are apologizing. They are vulnerable and deserved to be loved and accepted.

Forgivingly, Merry Ms Berry

To be or Not "meant" to be.....

This is the ultimate question. Ever start seeing someone or actually get into a relationship but things keep getting in the way of simple bliss? Whether it's "baby mama drama", long distance, lack of communication, insecurities, jobs, school...it could be anything. Whether how big or small the situation or issue, it always seems to get in the way. The issues ends up being bigger or more important than the relationship. You hear things like "when this is over then....." or "just wait until I can do......" and it will be all better. Well, I'm here to tell you, don't hold your breath.

This is what I know about myself and the men that I've dated. No amount of time, distance or issues would keep us apart. I've had long distance relationships from 150 to 400 miles apart. Meaning I had no less than a 2.5 hour drive to see the person I cared for. Where it was city to suburbs, rebound to past hiccups, if you want to be together you will find a way.

If you find that the littlest of things are getting in the way from moving forward those are what I like to call....SIGNS! Signs that some things are just not meant to be. Just because you love someone, doesn't always mean you are meant to be together. If a relationship ends, more times than not it's meant to end for a reason. How about some examples?

Back in high school I had the biggest crush on this one guy that I thought was totally out of my league. We both began to notice each other because we had lunch together and didn't live too far from each other. We would run into each other at stores and he dated someone I had class with. Over the next couple of years things just didn't quite match up. Even though we were both very attracted to each other, things always just got in the way. I went off to school, he had a girlfriend when I was single. Then he would be single and I would have a boyfriend. I should have taken the hint but love is blind.

It took him flying across the country when we were both single for us to even have a chance to some how figure out to be together. A few months into openly discussing "us" we decided that we were going to make a go for it. After a few months of being in Maryland, he up and moved half way back towards Chicago. Ohio is closer that Maryland. Over the next 2 years we had the best of times and the worst of times. There were moments of pure bliss and there were, also, moments that we wanted to kill each other. It was too much to handle, I had to end it for the sake of my sanity. Even after he moved back to Chicago  we still could never get on the same page to see if we wanted to make a run at "us" again. After so many years of fighting, loving and figuring each other out, we just agreed that we make better friends than anything.

Even though we loved each other and saw the best and the worst from one another, some people are just not meant to end up together. There were bigger forces in the world that were trying to keep us apart, but we were both stubborn mules about it.  We both learned so much from each other as a couple and a lot as just friends. We had the opportunity to see each other through multiple sets of eyes.

Each random, failed or messy relationship is there for a reason. It's there to learn and grow from. Just because it ended didn't mean there was no purpose for it.  So just because it wasn't meant to be forever, doesn't mean it wasn't meant to be in life.

Take the time to reflect and see what you liked, didn't liked and learned from one another. This information will greatly help you not to repeat the situation in the future.

Purposely yours, Merry Ms Berry

Are you in bed with a bottle?

My blog is about relationships. Not just romantic or friendly relationships, all relationships. And when you decide to turn your back on real living and breathing people to have an obsessive relationship with a man-made substance, such as alcohol, I have a few choice things to say about it, and I have the right to.

I grew up with a father that was an alcoholic for about 1/2 my life...yup 1/2. He past away when I was 25. They say that children of alcoholics have a hard time dealing with themselves and others. We, unknowingly, tend to put themselves in dangerous situations....well its because all we know is inconsistency, cries for attention, abuse, and let downs. It's hard to understand how someone could chose the love for a bottle over the love of their children. But what I do know from walking the line of alcoholism myself is that its not about the outside world and the bliss it contains but the world inside someone's head and the torment it clings to.

So how did I get here? I was blessed to have a consistent loving mother, cut from the cloth of angels. She communicated with me my entire life about how his actions where his and they had nothing to do with me. I was able to take those words and create myself into the person I wanted to be. Without her I would fall into the cliche statistic of people, using my father's addiction as a crutch for not becoming an emotionally stable individual. 

If you are someone battling this situation that you put yourself into, most likely by accident, listen up. Take the steps to love yourself because you are hurting the people that love you. Alcohol DOES NOT numb the pain at all. It actually keeps the pain from leaving. It puts your body and mind in a constant state of influx, confusion and distraction. If you can't focus on what's hurting you how can you move past it? This path is a tormenting road that is as long or as short as you want it. It's a road that is as painful as you let it be. It only takes 1 DAY to decide whether or not you want to be on this road. ONE DAY, because that is all we are given at a time. No more, no less. BUT it's only YOU that can make that decision. Only you! Nothing or no one else in the world can make that decision for you.

If you are someone try to help someone with alcoholism that is not helping themselves, it time to let go. Those that are taking the steps want to help themselves. Those who are not taking those steps are hurting themselves and those that love them. Stop letting yourself get hurt.  Stop letting those who are ungrateful spit in your face. Yes, I said it. If you are a drunk or a user, living under the roof with the set precedent of getting better but you continue to use then its time for you to move on. Stop hurting those people that care about you by slowing killing yourself. Put yourself in their shoes!

Being someone that has walked the walk, I personally believe alcoholism is NOT a disease but a choice. I give 2 "$h!t$" what doctors say. Calling it a disease gives addicts the opportunity to fall back on that statement as an excuse not to take responsibility for their actions. I unfortunately have "that gene" that makes me highly susceptible to addiction but you don't see me making that choice to be an addict.

There's too much love in the world taking a back seat to all the self-hatred. Peek out from underneath the darkness and see us that want to smother you in your God given right to a brighter day.


Firmly yours, Merry Ms Berry (Merry by choice!)

Enough with the whining!

We are going to learn how to live on purpose, together. Act on purpose and feel with a sense of logic. Example: I love my husband because he makes me feel good about myself. Not only is that an emotional statement but it's also a logical statement. Feelings are a blessing that not all animals share, but we as humans have the ability to rationalize, justify, dissect and control how we want to feel. We don't have to just run around all pure emotion. I believe we are all meant for more than that.

People are human, and with being human we are allowed to make mistakes but we are also allowed to fix those mistakes. When you live ON purpose, you take responsibility for ALL that is happening in your life. You choose to have certain people in your life, and when choosing to keep them you have to except that they are human and are going to make mistakes. You can either except it and give them the opportunity to right the wrongs or you can have them leave, please exit stage left.

There are things in this world that are dropped in our laps with no explanation but that's just part of life. The universe is not here to crap on us, it brings things into our paths to test us. Whether we need to work on ourselves physically, emotionally or spiritually. These lessons are to be learned and if not you are deemed to repeat them. We, and I mean everyone, every.single.one.of.us, at one point in our lives will be handed a deck of cards, some good, some complete and utter SHIT! Whether a crappy parent (hint), psycho douche bags (hint), back stabbing bff's (hint) or a physical ailment brought on from outside sources (hint), we all, in one way or another will have to deal with these things.

BUT, there's hope. Because you are the only one that is in control of how you act, what you feel and how you are doing to handle said situation. So think about it....what does getting mad, whining and cursing the universe actually solve?......take your time......almost ready.......NOTHING! It solves absolutely nothing. So instead why don't you use that energy towards something that would be useful like feeling better, or loving someone or even taking a quiet stroll around the block to organize your thoughts and bless God that you are able to have another day above ground to make everything better for yourself and for the world around you (phew how about that being a run on sentence?). I know, I am the dying optimist....but we need more of "ME's" in the world. Peace, love and recycling DAMMIT!! Where's my Cape!? (see previous post about "Moral Avenger")

So in conclusion....stop blaming the world around you. Being whiny solves nothing. Take the time to sit back, regroup and keep going. Wasting energy on things that won't matter 5 years or even 1 year from now aren't worth it. Like scratched cars, flat tires, or a snagged pantyhose, it's not going to bring the world to an end, not even your world. If you fight yourself getting upset, ask yourself why and will it matter when you're on your death bed? Most likely not. Most of the time we have to go through the doodie to end up smelling like roses. (I love that saying). So learn something from the doodie.

Cosmically yours, Merry Ms Berry

P.S. my "hint" = a few cards of mine.

P.P.S I will give you a good example next. xoxo

Do you want to know if I have the answer?

If you walked out of the bathroom with toilet paper on your foot, wouldn't you want me to tell you?
If you had lipstick on your teeth, wouldn't you want me to tell you?
If you were acting totally out of line, wouldn't you want to help, calm or distract you?

When did we reach that age when we stop listening to others and start thinking we know everything? Is that even possible....to know everything? And if it were possible, would you even want to know everything? That's a lot of information and even then you would never get surprised, you would never have any peace and quiet and debates would be no fun for anyone! Also, that would be a heavy responsibility to carrying.

I was blessed at an early age to have an awareness of sorts where I would always saw the bigger picture. So that means I knew what to say and how to say it to get the desired response or an appropriate action from people. Now that does not mean I was able to control people in any manner, but more likely knew the outcomes. I thought it was a pretty neat trick to have. Outside of that I loved collecting knowledge of all sorts, from books to life experiences from others. I could sit and listen to people forever!!!! With my love for knowledge and having the ability to see outcomes of situations I gained a very strong and blunt way of speaking to people (when needed). Since I am a lover of people and just want the best for everyone, anything I did have to say was only to help others. But yes, at times the truth or a simple observation could cut a little bit....like a flick to the forehead.  There were people that truly loved and appreciated my quick wit, truthful words and ultimately, my love bite. I used to call myself the "Moral Avenger", fighter for the underdog! If I were to have a cape it would be bright pink!

At one point in my life I was told that not everyone will understand or appreciate those gifts blessed to me, and to make myself more relatable to people I needed to back off. I was really hurt by this because everything I had ever said was only to help people, bite or not. Being someone who takes constructive criticism very highly, I stopped. And from that point a little piece inside of me died.

From that point I sat back with my mouth shut as I watched people either make asses of themselves or even hurt others around them. If people didn't want to know what I knew, helping them or not, then I guess I shouldn't share. And then I realized that I was condoning bad behavior. It was only when there was a blatant disregard for human emotion is when I stepped in. It was far and few when I was able to put my superhero cape on and put assholes in their place. I didn't understand why I had to let it get to that before. It was like no one was getting a reminder of how to act, with manners!!! What happened to having manners!!!!! What happened to having respect and common courtesy for your fellow man? Why is courtesy not common any more????

Well dammit, I'm sick of sitting by and watching this disgusting human behavior happen. From today until I die, if you have the audacity to blatantly disregard another human being's feelings in front of me then I will kindly and effectively tell you what a disgrace you are and what a disservice you are doing, not only to yourself, but for mankind as a whole.

Some people just haven't removed themselves from their own bubble long enough to realize that every action has a reaction, and that goes for the words that come out of their mouth. I will help those around me be reminded what it's like to be nice to people and to use their manners. Or how about those who are just plain inconsiderate....yup you're on my chopping block too! I am not afraid and here's why. Because nothing good came out of my keeping my mouth shut. There was ample opportunity to right some wrongs with a verbal tongue lashing. Some people just need to be put in their place. It'll help everyone. One day they will see that. If not now but one day.

I AM PUTTING MY MORAL AVENGER CAPE BACK ON!!!!

Avengingly yours, Merry Ms Berry
a.k.a. Super Girl
a.k.a. Moral Avenger
a.k.a. Ice Queen of Hearts
a.k.a. Meeshmeesh

Grab your damn kid!

Let me start off with that I love children. I think those amazing little sponges are just craving knowledge. I love to watch them learn and see their eyes light up with amusement meeting new people and being at new places. I, also, love it when children have parents that are good role models.

With that being said. As parents it is NOT okay to go to a party or a "friends & family" event and expect people to watch over your child, especially the hosts of the party. It is rude and does not set a good example to your child about having respect for other people's homes and/or time.

I had the opportunity to throw my sister's bridal shower with the help of my mom and a few of my sister's best friends. We had a party of close to 30 people. While no one person had "the most" to do, it was just a few people that were actually handling the party itself. We did not specify on the invitation whether children were allowed or not, leaving it up to the discretion of the parents, only because we have single parent friends that can't always get babysitters....totally understandable. Without going into grave detail of people's bad decision making in the past, we still had 3 children from the ages of 1 1/2 to 3. 3 children is not a large number of kids at all, especially since they were good mannered children, meaning not throwing fits and screaming. Except that one of the parents did not take the full responsibility of watching her son, letting him touch and climb over anything, not only endangering himself but the valuable heirlooms scattered around my grandmother's house. Not only did she feel that everyone was entitled to raise her child while at our party, but it was one of my sister's best friends and myself that were handling this child most of the day. The 2 people that were actually the gist of the party.

So not only were we taking care of food, drinks, our guests, and staying on top of cleaning this gorgeous home we were privileged to be using, but playing babysitter for a woman who felt that she had no responsibility and was entitled to completely enjoy the party, with no mind to her child. Not only did that feeling of babysitter wear out fast for myself, but also for the women helping me.

How is that fair? How is that acceptable?

The best part! As she was leaving she turns to me while I actually got time to sit down (at the end of the day) and enjoy my glass of wine and says "We're leaving. I just need 5 minutes to myself." OMFG!!! Excuse me but you've been enjoying the party for 85% of the time sitting on your ass while everyone else watched your son. ON TOP of that I didn't even get to sit down and enjoy my meal of any sorts because I was up and down chasing said child.

So....to those parents who feel they can just let their children roam free at parties, causing what destruction they may....JUST STOP IT! BE PARENTS! BE RESPONSIBLE PARENTS!!!! WATCH YOUR CHILDREN.....ALL THE TIME!!!! You wanted to have them and now it's up to you to take care of them. Family or not, the only person responsible for your children is you.....and especially NOT a host of a party.

ooooommmmmmm(ingly) yours, Merry Ms Berry
a.k.a. not your babysitter.

When to hide & when to overload....

We have all heard that life is about balance. From breathing in and then out, eating to pooping, happy to sad, buying new stuff and throwing out the old. The same should go for your emotional health. If you are dealing with your emotions and have given yourself more than ample time sitting in the dark, pondering what happen and still don't have answers, then it's time to get up and start doing something. A lot of the time we are able to meditate, sulk, mope or cry our ways to the answers that we are seeking, like a bolt of lightening it just strikes us and we have the "Ah-ha" moment. Then there are times where the more we think about it the more confused we get and we become tortured by those thoughts and experiences that are readily available, instead of the getting the deeper meanings of things. After taking that time and getting no where, get up, get out and consume yourself with so much that you will be inundated information. Who cares what kind of information it is, you never know where an idea or your answer may spur from.

Example: For the sake of my emotional and mental well being, I left my first love after 4 years of obsessing over him, 2 years of dating and a broken engagement. It was a very intense relationship of  a lot of "firsts" that I will only have. But I had to go. Even though I was the one with the smoking gun it still hurt to leave. I had questioned myself constantly, wondering where I could have been better, how could I have loved him more or was I that bad of a girlfriend to make us fight all the time. After some time I couldn't take these thoughts so I opened myself up to the world and just kept myself busy. Busy busy busy! I had 3 part time jobs, with a combined average of 65 hours a week in work, sometimes more, sometimes less. I knew I was pushing myself but I enjoyed each job. The thing is that even though your main focus is constantly there, those thoughts will always find a couple of seconds to flood back in, if you like it or not.

I found that the more I worked the more I was surrounded by people. The more people I was around and able to talk to the more I was able to find different answers, experiences and situations that helped figure out my own crap. You don't have to take anyone's advice, I never had. I would collect information from an array of different sources and then see each little piece that might help me. I am a collection of the world. We all handle life differently, but we all have to handle life. Seek out others because more likely than not someone has figured it out faster, better and more effectively than you have. Learn that way and then you can help someone else in the future.

Sharing the love, always Merry Ms Berry