Don't throw your mirror at me.

Insecurities are a tricky little fungus that's hard to recognize how and where it came from. I've been asked to elaborate on why people might do what they do.

I have found in my own personal life and observing the lives of others that usually when one party insistently accuses the other party of anything whether it's "being too nice", flirting, cheating or whatever people do, it's usually because the accusing party is actually doing the same. It's a classic situation of projection.
These people that project these kinds of feelings onto those that they say they love is because they think "well if I'm doing it then they must be doing it, too." Because if they aren't then how does that make me look as a person. They use the "eye for an eye" theory. They also believe that everyone does it, too.

Now I do understand there are some people that hold onto the past and anything that has happened they only assume it'll happen again. I've never cheated but have been cheated on. It's not fair to treat those you care for negatively because someone completely different hurt you. Everyone deserves to be treated individually.

Ok, back to insecure ramblings. Let's look at some fun examples!

I dated this guy Senor Douche Bag. No one is allowed to know or even say his name because that would make him human and he is not. Because people have souls and he doesn't. SDB (for short) was constantly telling me how I freak him out, how he doesn't trust other guys around me and how uncomfortable I seemed to make him at times. In the beginning I wouldn't stand for this kind of talk and told him that I didn't deserve to be accused of anything. I had no problem ending the relationship but he always seemed to weasel his way back. At the end of the relationship, to hurt me as bad as he possibly could, he told me he had been cheating on me almost the entire time. Also, not only that but he laso said that all the other guys I had dated had cheated on me, too. The way that he talked to me was like he knew the other guys I had dated. Yes, some of them did cheat on me, but I also know that there are guys that I dated that didn't. Matter of fact, they just weren't the cheating type. The relationships just weren't meant to be and had to be dissolved. SDB had felt to horrible about himself without even realizing it that I was a threat to him. He was jealous of my mental stability and the love that I had for myself that he was going to do anything in his power to break me. And sadly to see he almost did.

When people start spewing nonsense at you and you have no idea where it's coming from...it's coming from the reflection of their own mirror. It's what they see in themselves and in their heart, so what's on their heart is going to go into their thoughts, therefore shooting out of their mouth. They don't realize it's not real people they are a delusional bunch. Know thyself and that's it. We, all, are going to com across insecure people with either scared hearts and skeletons in their closest. Matter of fact, we ALL have a past. We all make mistakes that we HAVE to learn from. That's the best part, we can learn, live and be better. Don't hold onto the past it'll never change. Assume the best in people and more times than not you'll get it. Figure out why you feel the way you do, whether you're the accuser or the you're the accusee. Life is way too short not to be able to just let go and breathe.

Openly yours, Merry Ms Berry

Insecurities...you're not just hurting yourself

Whether you're the one freaking out on your loved one or the one being freaked out on, insecurities from either end help NOTHING!!!! At one time, being a psych-major you learn more about your ticks and the ticks of those closest around you (not bug but quirks). You get to psychoanalyze your friends and family, and they really don't get a choice, especially when you have a term paper to write.

A classic example of insecurity issues are having feelings projected out. Feelings and fears are thrown upon others, away from the true owner, onto those around them. Example: a man-whore calling me a slut, even though I never fooled around outside of MY relationships. There are so many examples that I am not going to bother you with them. If you find yourself making someone feel bad because you feel bad about yourself, that's exactly the problem. Bottom line, get out of your own head!!!! Yes, we all have "feelings" about situations, but more times that not, we make up stories in our own heads to justify how we are actually feeling about ourselves.

How do I know this? Because I have been with some of the most insecure weenies ever! Also, I am such an open book and so honest about who I am, faults and all, that people have a tendency to try to make me feel bad about it. People think that just because I am the way I am, that I expect them to be the same. I could care less. If you want to plot, hide and justify whatever you are hiding behind in  your own head, those are your issues and you are welcome to keep them to yourself. If you want to be open and free and NOT get judged for being the real you, then I DO care and want you to feel that you can be that way, especially around me. Embrace the weirdness that is yourself.

If you are not lying, cheating, plotting or conniving, them no one should have you feel bad about being you. If they are, it's because they feel about about themselves and want someone on their level to make themselves feel better. Stop, think and react (if appropriate).

Here's the thing. Whether you spazz out or not, if someone is going to cheat or leave, they will do so. It doesn't matter if you phone stalk them, put them down, lift them or spoil them with love. Some people are just not meant to be together. If a relationships is meant to be, it will be. If you find yourself having to plot against someone then you need to take a step back and move on. Things that are meant to be are work, but it will flow easily. I hope this makes sense. If not, please let me know and I'll give you examples. 

Love Merry Ms Berry