Another one bites the dust.

Ya know how it's a bad idea to re-date ex-boyfriends? Well...I was just reminded that the same idea should go for best friends too.

Silver lining...?

Silver lining.....?

Hmm......I got it. True Love. Again. Yay me!

Long story short. My hubby and I went on a long weekend ski trip to Breckenridge, CO with another couple, one of the people being my "best friend" Blondie. Over the entire weekend she didn't say more that 5 sentences to either of us. By the time I had alone time with her to discuss how she was acting or to see if there was something wrong, I felt so out of place and uncomfortable, that I actually wanted nothing to do with her. Also, my body was so beat up from falling on my face down the mountainside, all I really wanted to do was enjoy my buzz in bed and watch some cheesy movies, while the mens did some night skiing.

The day after getting back from an extremely uncomfortable weekend I might have abrasively demanded an explanation for her behavior. I was extremely emotional, on edge, and disturbed by the whole ordeal that my execution of the discussion started off rough and ended up even worse. I put her on the spot and she threw a hissy fit and proceeded to read (type via text message) me the riot act.  She told me to grow the fuck up and turned the whole thing around on me. In the end I told her that we weren't the people we thought we were and to take care. SEE....I can take the high road too. Kinda.

Here's the thing about the whole situation. I only lit the fuse to the bomb that exploded that bridge. Blondie provided the dynamite. Problems started years ago. Tiny red flag after tiny red flag started to appear. Trying to be the better person and not let weird, little petty things come in the way of a friendship. A relationship that I fought to rebuild after she turned her back on me years before and I had reached out to her about 5 years ago. As the years went on I noticed her core values changed and changed in a way very different from my own. People change. I get it. Some grow with you, some grow away from you. We grew apart. Proof I wasn't really ever that important to her. Proving to myself, also, that she wasn't really that important to me either. In the end we should protect ourselves and our values. If someone isn't adding any sort of value to your life then what's the point of having them around? Isn't it counterproductive in the pursuit of happiness?

Okay back to the silver lining. If I hadn't pushed Blondie to leave her comfort zone and give this Minnesota man a shot she would not be engaged to him right now. AND I mean really had to convince her to give him a chance. I've always fought for the fairytale romance and look what happened. You never know what could happened and now I can sleep easily knowing that my purpose in this friendship was greater than us actually being friends. Yay me! I can say that this is not the first time it's happened, but that's not here or there.

I went through this once before with Blondie but it was me in the hot seat and her that walked away. Well.... I need to walk away and it's okay. It's in times of solitude is when we truly find ourselves. I hope she finds what she's missing.


Peacefully yours, Merry Ms Berry

P.S. I was accused of burning bridges but all I wanted to do was talk. She blew that bridge up and it needed to be done.

Being aware & there

This segment is for one of my bff's Mark. He had been out of the dating game for some time and then kind of out of nowhere starting seeing a young woman 10 years his junior. Unfortunately it was a 2 month romance that was riddled with female insecurities and unstable emotions. Ya, it ended. :( Like myself, I tend to put what I'm feeling out into the world because I have lovely friends that either want to make me smile or rejoice in victories. He has consistently come to me over our many years of friendship when he gets lost in his own head and needs some clarification. He came to confused about how and why said relationship ended. Being the friend that I am to I had to tell him that "I kinda saw it coming", even though I had only met the girl once. The few times in which he had talked to me about her I felt this girl keeping her walls up and not fully letting Mark in.

Whether it was because I was once in that girl's scared emotional shoes with a fear of commitment because of a past crazy relationship or because I felt something more that I can't really explain, it's all about being aware. Now I didn't expect Mark to see it coming. Matters of the heart usually don't, hence why it's mentioned to be blind at times.

Have you ever "just known" that something was going to happen or knew the outcome of something? That's being aware. That's opening all your senses to seeing the world as a whole and all the little lives interacting with one another. When you have taken the time to reflect on your life and descions, whether good or bad, you are able to see how life pans itself out. You can see how a decision you made 10 years ago it helping change your life now. Also, you are able to take this new form of vision and see how other people are going to be changing their lives. Move or don't move. Jump or don't jump. No regrets! Let's see an example.

If I would have stayed at the first college I went to and forced myself to get a traditional degree I might have not worked at the nightclub by my house, where I ended up working for the corporate office, where I met this psycho that I dated who chased a handful of friends away forcing me to go online to find old friends from school which made me run into my old crush who I married 6 months later. Or I could have gotten married the first time I got engaged and ended up somewhere completely different missing the chance to be with who I think is my soul mate. I had to go through all these crazy, twisty turvy situations which were stressful, painful and confusing to come out the other side more aware and appreciative that I did.

Oo oo! I got another one! I became friends with a girl when I was 18, altering her path in life, leading her to move to Florida to get married, get divorced and I helped move her back. Within a few months of her being back I introduced her to a ton of people, who she all scorned, but hooked up with my ex-boyfriend who she ended up dating and then marrying. Any time within that 10 years, if I was not present, her life would be completely different. Even though she ended up being a 2 faced, back stabbing, whore of a human being, I'm grateful I was able to be the SOLE reason why their relationship formed. It's kinda like a little piece of revenge she has to wake up next to for the rest of her life. Score one for me!

Anyhoo! Take time to reflect on your life from a 3rd party perspective, emotions removed. You will then able to see how life forms, falls apart and rebuilds. It's totally fancisnating and I love every second of it.

"Visionary"ingly yours, Merry Ms Berry

How to be a good friend

It's with a heavy heart that I actually have to write this blog. As I was thinking about it this morning on my commute into the beautiful city of Big Shoulders, I realized that a good friendship is the base of every good relationship, either platonic or romantic. I love being a great friend to others when given the chances. It's sad that some people just don't get some of this.

How is it that there are some people that we connect with right away and then there are other people who you just want to slap when you first meet them? This one blog has the potential in itself to become a book because there can be so many facets to friendship. I am going to try  my hardest to keep this as simple as possible. And to do that I am going to make a to-do list.

1) Be yourself! - If someone doesn't want to be friends with the real  you, then it's not meant to be.

2) Be honest - Where you live in a cave or have traveled around the world, people want to know who the real you is. There's no need to add any fluff.

3) Be open - Do not judge people. We have all made mistakes and those mistakes are in the past. We cannot change the past, we can only learn from them.

4) Ask - Ask questions about that person. Each person is a world in itself. If you don't ask how will you know. And if you don't ask it's going to come off that you only care about yourself.

5) Listen - After said questions, take a real interest in what that person has to say, and just listen. Don't think about what you want to say next,  you might miss something.

6) Prepare - before bestowing "your opinion" on your friend, ask them if they would like to know first. Some people don't want to hear other people's opinions.

7) Be available - we all live busy lives, but we make time for those we care about. Anyone one of my friends know that if they need me, whether it's to bail out of jail or just listen to them vent for a few minutes, I will find the time to do so.

8) Be fair - there are times where we all get out of line. We get emotional, irrational and tend to forget those around us. If you call out a friend or they call you out at this situation, they are telling you because they care. Listen to them, work it out.

9) Apologize - we all make mistakes. There is always be miscommunication. Feelings will get hurt. Acknowledge those feelings and apologize, it will make your friendship stronger.

10) Meet them half way -if they go to your house, then go to there's. If they call you, you call them. Both parties should putting an effort towards each other. Having a one sided friendship is not a relationship at all, it's called stalking.

11) Share - everything. Share your pain and let them love on you. Share your successes and let them rejoice with you. Let them make you cookies and give them a hat that you love. It's those little thoughts and actions that make a bond stronger. Show people your battle scars because you never know when someone is in the same battle and they need to know they can get through it.

12) Laugh - laugh together. Laugh at yourself. Let the laughter pour out of you. It is the little observations in life that make us all relate to one another and it's showing us that we are paying attention to the lives around us.

13) Except change - The only constant in this world is change. We are constantly learning about ourselves in this ever changing world. You're not the same person you were a year ago, not of us are. It's exciting to have the chance to keep learning about the world and those is in.

14) Be responsible - whether it's with people's feelings, clothing, pet or money. Take care of your responsibilities. If you borrow money pay it back as soon as possible, even if it's only a little bit at a time, it shows you value your relationship more than the money you borrow. If you borrow a shirt, make sure it stays as nice as you got it. If you damage that shirt, replace it with the same. Do not use something you can not replace in time. Even though it's just stuff, it's the thought behind taking care of their stuff that shows them you care for them.

15) Shine!!!! Be an awesome you! When you let yourself shine you give others around the opportunity to shine as bright. Embrace the differences, love the quirks, fill those around you with a life they might be starving for.

Your friends turn to you to love and uplift them, keep the grounded and hold you accountable to yourself. At least that's what I want from my friends and I hope I can be that for them. 

Loving you! Merry Ms Berry