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I don't and will never claim to know everything of anything. Including the ramblings of my blog. If you by chance glance and a particular subject and feel that you I am either wrong, totally off base or just need more information please please please feel comment. I love comments! Good, bad or indifferent. We are all entitled to have JUST AN OPINION. Use it here! Please do! I want to here it.

Fresh and hot, but sometimes cold.

Wounds are fresh and hot but they are served up with a side of cold. This is about relationships starting and ending. It happens all-the-time! Let me set the scene for you.

My precious Feesh just successfully (about 70%)  pulled emotionally away from an extremely toxic relationship. Within just a couple short months another suitor gained her attention. Instead of taking the time to really let those open, constantly picked at wounds to heal, my precious Feesh romantically started to fall again for her friend. I am all about mushy love stories and was hoping for the best. More time than not, that's not the case. I myself have been in more than enough relationships to feel the burn of rejection. Alas, it wasn't meant to be for my Feesh. Instead of brushing off her shoulders, she deems the world as mad and that love isn't real. How can that be when I love her so much? Hmm.....?

Here's a few lessons we can all learn from Feesh and hopefully she's going to read them and learn for herself.

Be open and honest with what you are feeling no matter who you are feeling them about. If it ends, it's still going to hurt, no less if your cards were on the table. At least you can say you led with an open heart and let things happen the way they should. Guys are scared too! They don't get hints and setting up scenarios always sets them up for disaster. Talk to them, if they don't feel the same at least there are no games, no hints, no confusion on trying to torture yourself with trying to figure it out. AND the sooner the better, that way you're not wasting time on the wrong person.

Take time for yourself to heal. When a relationship ends (over & over & over) we lose a little piece of ourselves. Its those pieces that we've given to that other person that is no longer in our lives. Here's the thing about those holes in us, they need to fill up by themselves. If you try to fill them with other people, you're really just putting a band-aid on the open wound. You only really re-injuring the hurt, not letting it heal. Only you and time will let those things heal. See, now that this dude has pulled away from my Feesh, those unhealed wounds are back open ozzing yucking, foul, drippy, negativity of pessimistic hatred for love. (That's a lot of adjectives, better appreciate them).

Love thyself first and other love will follow. If you don't love you, then how can you expect anyone else to love you? Bitch get your swagger on!

Everyone we meet and spend time with in our lives are there to show us something. Something about ourselves and/or something about the world. As for SP(dude) & Feesh, I know exactly why they had their time together, and it wasn't about jumping into another relationship or killing off the idea of love. It was about feeling things that she thought were dead inside. Figuring out what you really want. Caring for a friend more than just a friend and realizing a friend could be a lover too. It's about knowing that you can fall again. That time together brought so much life out of her that seemed to have been beaten out of her. She was able to let go and love herself. She has gotten her swagger back. Now, she just needs to take what she learned from this and move forward, happily. It's like falling down and blaming your shoes. You willingly put on the shoes and you could have not been looking where you were going. I'm sure somewhere down the line all she wanted was to feel that way again. Well, her prayers got answered. How do I know this? Because I've made the same mistake about not asking for exactly what I wanted. All I wanted was to fall in love and that's exactly what happened and then it all fell apart. And then when I was NOT specific about anything, this douche bag somehow made it into my life and continued to mess things up.

You have to stay on top of your thoughts. Invite in good and you will get good. But just like weeds when you're not looking, crap finds its way in. Know thyself and what you deserve and want. You will get it.

Randomly rambling, Merry Ms (<3ing Feesh) Berry

Just Communicate

With the age of technology at its most advanced, it seems that people are using less face time to communicate but more time to communicate via email, text message, facebook, instant message (Gchat is my fav) and I've even sent voice messages as an mms. Here's what I found. We are so busy trying to keep our heads above water that we don't always have the chance to communicate face to face which is just fine but that doesn't mean our feelings are any less important and that any mode of communication is less effective than the next. They are all equally wonderful tools, catering to each individual person. (hmm.....video blog berry?)

Hubby and I had a miscommunication the other day and yes we are still learning as a married couple how to learn about one another. I work downtown and he works 2 miles from home, so there is ample time for me to sit and fester in my own bitterness, all the while I have no idea what is going on in his head. I am one that loves to love. I like to make people happy and when the one I love is not happy I take it personally, like I am not a good friend or wife. Even though I should know better not to think like that because hubby is his own man and his emotions are only in his control, I want him to be happy. 

While at work (festering), I really needed to convey how I was feeling about the past few days but its hard while sitting in the middle of an office of nosey people. We were on a rollercoaster of emotions and it started to negatively effect me. Now hubby is able to just blurt out whatever is on his mind which I'm glad he's able to. As for myself, I think I am still working through communication issues with past relationships that are keeping me from just letting everything in my head and heart go. There are times where I've offended hubby with just being me, so I am trying to find the balance. So, I did want I know how to do best.....type!

In a series of 3 email, each getting shorter than the next I blurted out everything that I was feeling. The first email was the roughest and most raw, but it had to be. The next 2 emails were the softer parts of me explaining the necessity of the first one and then how my girl feelings were getting to me. And ya know what.....towards the end of the day he called and he saw where I was coming from and we were able to smooth out our issues because all the cards were on the table. It was extremely productive and it felt great to get everything out and discussed without the feelings of hurt, defensiveness or betrayal. 

Now if I would have waited to get home to try and have this discussion with him, I know for a fact that it would get blown totally out of proportion, especially since my first email was on the aggressive, killer side of my emotions. He would have acted out in defense and nothing would have gotten solved and there's a good chance I would have thrown a shoe at his smart mouth. 

Moral of today's blog......get it out there. It doesn't matter how it gets there, just get it there. Whether phone call, text message, email or carrier pigeon. Feelings and emotions need to be expressed or they will eat you from the inside out, I KNOW THIS for a fact. My ulcer will tell you the story at another time. 

Loveloves! Merry Ms Berry

Hold your ground and dig in your heels

I hear time and time again about how people take other people's feeling in consideration in front of their own and it drives me insane!!!!  Now I am not saying to walk all over people or not take their feelings in consideration ever, but there's a fine line to holding respect for yourself and becoming a push over. Yes, we want to be kind to others, but when it comes to matters of the heart you have to protect yourself for those who don't not want to add value to your life.

If you are in a relationship, the beginning, the middle, a psuedo-relationship, testing the waters, on a first date, at any given point whether on the way to a relationship or already in one, never put your feelings aside for someone else's. You have every right to feel what you feel, and if someone else can't understand that or does not what to validate or acknowledge them, it's time to move the *#!% on!

If you are starting to have strong feelings for someone and have not told said person, its noone's fault but your own if the relationship doesn't go anywhere. There has to be open lines of communication on where you want to be and go. If you don't know if the other person is on the same page or not, its time to open your mouth and ask. At least you will know whether you get to move forward or you have to cut times, so not to waste your or their time.

If you can't tell, this topic fires me up a little. Too many people keep their mouth shut hoping that things will fall into place.....well people are not mind readers. I totally wish they were because then we wouldn't have these issues. Then again, I wouldn't be blogging about it either. So....long story short. Open your mouth and convey what you want. Whether it be a fling or something more serious, no one will know anything until you let them know. (period)

Loves! Merry (fired up) Ms Berry