God loves Sluts!

I find fighting on Facebook futile and immature, but that doesn't mean I don't like to stir the pot every now and again. I, also, don't like 2 faced people trying to push their opinions on other people when they have clearly done the walk of shame themselves.

I have a "friend" and I'm using that term loosely because she only seems to reach out to me when she's in need and never to just hang out, anymore. Before it didn't bother me so much because we both had extremely busy lives, so any time together was appreciated. I'm not sure what her life is exactly like now, since I never hear from her, but then again I've given up really trying to keep her in my life. It's just another path once intertwined now gaining distance. Now that this "friend" is married and pregnant, she feels that she has the right to publicly rip on people who she doesn't even know about things she barely knows anything about. She ridiculed a "star" and called her a whore on Facebook because of said "star's" dating life. Saying that she need to act classier if she's going to live in the public eye. Oh it gets better.

1) How is it classy calling someone, you don't even know anything about, a whore on Facebook? To tell someone to act classy, you have to be classy yourself, and KNOW what it means.

2) Said "friend" was a super slut!!!!
  - you might be able to hide the fact you were a slut from the world, the your friends know the truth

3) It takes a slut to know a slut

4) who cares? If someone wants to live in the public eye, transparently, I think they should be commended for it, not condemned. Dating, married, cheating, single, gay.....anything, it's their life!

5) She then went on blaming people like this "star" for teenage girl bullying because as a role model she shouldn't be jumping from guy to guy. But it's okay for her to jump bed to bed. hmm.....?


Ok, so when do we stop blaming everyone else for our own shortcomings? I grew up in the age of Madonna. MADONNA!!!! The leader of the public media sexual revolution! Like a virgin but NOT! But you didn't see me skanking it up in high school. I make conscious decisions and held myself responsible for ALL of them. While my other friends were getting promiscuous, I was working and focusing on bigger better things. I didn't care whether or not they were hooking up with people. It was their bodies and their choices. As long as I was allowed to be me, then they were allowed to be themselves, no judgement passed. The crazy thing was that they judged themselves more than I would ever dream to.

People who throw stones at glass houses need to quick calling the kettle black and look in the mirror. What you ridicule others for are the same things you don't like in yourself.

I called her out for passing judgement on this young woman. She said she's "just stating the facts." What facts? No one really knows anything about anyone's life. No body. No one knows if that public figure is a slut or not. All we know is that she's dated a lot of people. Even if she did get intimate with them, it's still nobody's business. Who cares?

This so call friend preaches God and Bible version every other Facebook post but then judges others on the next. Not to mention her love for Britney Spears....umm.....ex-crazy slut. If that's not 2 faced and hypocritical, then I don't know what it. God loves sluts!!! God loves prudes!  

Whether we make right or wrong choices, God loves all his children the same. He wants them to be happy. Who are we to judge whether what is right or wrong for a person? Now, I'm not condoning heinous acts like murder and such, I'm just staying if you want to give a part of yourself away, you can. If you want to save yourself for someone special, you can do that too.

To have this person think she knows anything about someone else bothers me. Maybe if she looked in the mirror every now and again she would have more compassion for those around her. Knowing her, she'll go back to living in her bubble where she thinks she knows better than anyone else. 

If you like to sleep around, God love ya for it. If you don't like to sleep around, God love ya for it.  If you are trying to figure it out along the way, the by golly keep trying to do so. Either way, we are all outsiders looking into to other people's lives. We will never truly know what is going on. Focus on how you treat others, whether online or in real lives because before you know it, you might push people who care away.

Justly yours, Merry Ms Berry

Realizations

It's not supposed to be killer hard to live life. We make it harder on ourselves then it really needs to be. We all do it.

God giveth and God taketh away.

These words constantly rings in my ears.

I had gotten away from the "silver lining game" I grew up with. If you don't appreciate something, it will either leave or be taken away from you. It's a pretty simple concept. I was told these words and it hit me hard. Yes, I was willing to give it all away even though I didn't want to. I was willing to fight for my happiness but I needed to be sure that my other half was willing to fight for his also, together.

I let the world beat me up. I listened to others gripe and let it settle in my heart. I said "why not me". Why can't I be bitter and ungrateful? Then I took a step back and had to think to myself, did I really want to lose the wonderful life I have? I fought so hard to get here. I knew I would be fine wherever I ended up. But did I want to end up somewhere else, alone?

I couldn't even tell you when or how I got off track. I did everything right to have the things that I have. And I'm not saying mansions and sports cars, but I would love me a muscle car. But I have a secure life and home with everything I need to meet my needs and have no stress tailing me. Now how many people can say that?

Why did I stop count my blessings? I guess at one point I didn't feel appreciated and the grass looked greener on the other side. But true to wonderful man fashion, hubby came back to me and started loving me how I needed it. He's wonderful. We are working on the same team. This whole marriage thing is a tough nut to crack.

So here I am. A little bit wiser. A little bit lighter. A whole lot happier. And fulfilled from within at all the blessings I'm surrounded with. I'm able to love those in my life and make them smile. Which is my favorite thing to do. I don't know what the world brings in the future but its doesn't matter. I am at peace right now with what it is. Like my Elisha says, Love never quits. It's true. Love from above, love from them, love that you have to give to yourself and love for others. It's the meaning of life. Love more, receive more. Love them, love you, love it, love love. It's like a hum of a mom rocking her baby to sleep. I could hear it all the time. It makes me warm and fuzzy inside.

Lovingly yours, Truly Merry Ms Berry

Sick of retail!!!

A sweet friend of mine is battling the bah humbug feeling of Christmas because she can't spoil her kids with gifts. I get it. Well how about all the other gifts? A favorite meal or something handmade with love and blood from paper cuts? How about all the amazing Christmas deals AFTER Christmas? Why does ONE day makes or breaks us financially and emotionally when there are 364 other days where we can bless our loved ones? What happened to being creative? Why does everyone fall into this STUPID idea that it's stuff that's going to make us happy? Yes, I love giving gifts just like anyone else does, but I'm not going to let it break me. Example. I am MAKING all my gifts. Me and my yarn are going to love on everyone as much as possible. I am blessed to be surrounded with people that love hats, scarves and mitties, my specialty! Here's the thing about my situation. After realizing that making something is more rewarding for myself, I went a little obsessed and learned as much about knitting and crocheting to meet my artist need of creation. And then....we bought a house, and a truck and a new picture window. My money is tied up in my home where I could house my family as guests and hopefully my future family to come. As much as I would love to spend top dollar to spoil those I love, putting myself anymore into the hole and stressing about money would just upset me and make me sick. I mean stress makes me physically ill, upset stomach ulcers, break outs, and muscles knots. I need to love me first so to be able to love anyone else.

My Feesha is putting herself through school, accidentally listened to her parents & got a crappy car, parted with one of her kiddies temporarily and is staying with family she doesn't particularly care for. And for what...for fun? NOT EVEN CLOSE! She's putting herself through hell for the betterment of her children's lives!!!! She is clawing her way to the top and I think that when her kids see that, THAT will be the best gift that she could ever give them. Though she is a "I want life to be happy now" kind of person, (like most of us) she is kicking ass and taking names every single day. Hopefully this little blog helps remind her of it. There will always be another Christmas where she can spoil her babies, until then she's taking care of herself. That's one thing she hasn't focused on in quite a few years. YOU HEAR ME FEESHA!!! One day in your children's lives are not going to make them love you any less. If anything it's going to make them love you even more. They are watching you fight the good fight and battle with blood on your face. I'm proud of you and always will be!

Let me make the kiddies something. My gift to you. oxoxoxoxoxox

Merrily loving you, Merry Ms Berry

Shameless Self Promotion

Whether it's 4 inch heels, red lipstick or a tight pencil skirt, there is going to be a time where you want people to notice you. Above are just a couple of my favorite "feel sexy" items to wear. Along with stumbling my way into your hearts, I also want to share some more favs of mine. From learning to make beer or wearing sparkling necklaces with my hubby's name on it, I want to show support to all things I love merrily.

A little bit more about myself is that I love to learn and do. I want to look into welding. I'm slowly mastering crocheting. I found a new love in costume makeup. I rocked it out as a zombie. You already know that I love to share whatever ever I have. From friends, to food, to my ideas. The more that's out there in world the more love that can go around.

In these times while I watch the glowing box on the wall tells me the economy is broken. We need to grab onto one another and help where we can. Whether its shopping from a friend's site or giving a few pennies in your pockets to a charity, these are the little things that help make this society great again.

Please support your local blogger, business owner and or any American making product company. There are so many products and services out there now that we need to focus who we are buying from and not only what. We can start a ripple effect and send the financial love all over.

Thank you for taking the time for others.

Ching chingly yours, Merry Ms Berry

Being aware & there

This segment is for one of my bff's Mark. He had been out of the dating game for some time and then kind of out of nowhere starting seeing a young woman 10 years his junior. Unfortunately it was a 2 month romance that was riddled with female insecurities and unstable emotions. Ya, it ended. :( Like myself, I tend to put what I'm feeling out into the world because I have lovely friends that either want to make me smile or rejoice in victories. He has consistently come to me over our many years of friendship when he gets lost in his own head and needs some clarification. He came to confused about how and why said relationship ended. Being the friend that I am to I had to tell him that "I kinda saw it coming", even though I had only met the girl once. The few times in which he had talked to me about her I felt this girl keeping her walls up and not fully letting Mark in.

Whether it was because I was once in that girl's scared emotional shoes with a fear of commitment because of a past crazy relationship or because I felt something more that I can't really explain, it's all about being aware. Now I didn't expect Mark to see it coming. Matters of the heart usually don't, hence why it's mentioned to be blind at times.

Have you ever "just known" that something was going to happen or knew the outcome of something? That's being aware. That's opening all your senses to seeing the world as a whole and all the little lives interacting with one another. When you have taken the time to reflect on your life and descions, whether good or bad, you are able to see how life pans itself out. You can see how a decision you made 10 years ago it helping change your life now. Also, you are able to take this new form of vision and see how other people are going to be changing their lives. Move or don't move. Jump or don't jump. No regrets! Let's see an example.

If I would have stayed at the first college I went to and forced myself to get a traditional degree I might have not worked at the nightclub by my house, where I ended up working for the corporate office, where I met this psycho that I dated who chased a handful of friends away forcing me to go online to find old friends from school which made me run into my old crush who I married 6 months later. Or I could have gotten married the first time I got engaged and ended up somewhere completely different missing the chance to be with who I think is my soul mate. I had to go through all these crazy, twisty turvy situations which were stressful, painful and confusing to come out the other side more aware and appreciative that I did.

Oo oo! I got another one! I became friends with a girl when I was 18, altering her path in life, leading her to move to Florida to get married, get divorced and I helped move her back. Within a few months of her being back I introduced her to a ton of people, who she all scorned, but hooked up with my ex-boyfriend who she ended up dating and then marrying. Any time within that 10 years, if I was not present, her life would be completely different. Even though she ended up being a 2 faced, back stabbing, whore of a human being, I'm grateful I was able to be the SOLE reason why their relationship formed. It's kinda like a little piece of revenge she has to wake up next to for the rest of her life. Score one for me!

Anyhoo! Take time to reflect on your life from a 3rd party perspective, emotions removed. You will then able to see how life forms, falls apart and rebuilds. It's totally fancisnating and I love every second of it.

"Visionary"ingly yours, Merry Ms Berry

A little Naughty goes a long way

The past week I was in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic for my sister's wedding with a couple dozen of friends and family. It was the first tropical and week long vacation that I have taken with my husband....ever. It was fabulous! A lot of craziness when down including myself in the madness of it all. As I am looking back on all the sha-na-na-gins and trying to piece together a few foggy days, I remember one of the first drunken evenings we had and it started to make me think more about marriages and what it really takes to keep them healthy and together.

Now with that being said, the couple in question IS NOT ME AND MY HUSBAND!!! I cannot stress that enough.

After a fun day of drinking and eating and more drinking, a handful of us decided to take a walk down to the beach in the moonlight. Well....we never made it to the beach. Instead I had this great idea of skinny dipping. Considering my free spirit and wild child past, you would have thought I would have been a ton of times. Until last week I have never been. I know!

2 pools, more beer, a doobie and a bunch of clothing later, there we were in our birthday suits just enjoying one another's naked company. Since the entire lot of us were entirely inebriated and not caring about anything else except our own little worlds the nakedness felt natural and also expected.

The next thing I know is I see a girl going down on her man. Oh my! Go them! A few moments later I see her climb her man like a steed and proceed to have her way with all of him. Now at this point I decided that I am NOT that much of a free spirit to interrupt them and go to the other end of the pool to let them have their lovely moment in the moonlight. I was later informed that a few moments after she mounted him, he took control and proceeded to pound her into the pool tile. Woo hoo! Free porn for the resort workers. Which I might add took their time doing laps around our particular pool. Meanwhile I took refuge in the shadows of the pool away from spying eyes. Drunk.....? Definitely. Oblivious......? Not even close.

A couple days later we were all talking about said situation and I come to find out more about my friends the exhibitionists. He works day, she works nights and weekends. They have 2 small children and really don't ever have time to themselves. If given an inch then they were taking a mile. This was one of the few times that they actually had just time to themselves to focus on one another. They were going to make every second count no matter who was there to witness the beauty of their love making. And so be it. I am proud to call them my friends. Now I don't recommend this anywhere else than a locked up resort with all inclusive alcohol. But I appreciate them taking the time to make sure they show each other how much they love and miss one another. Like my other friend said, "there's nothing wrong with some free porn. It's nature."

I guess since it's just hubby and I now, and the pets, no children, I am completely spoiled by his company. Yes we still paw each other but there's no death defying pool acts of love going on at the house because we have only each other when ever we want. So here's to you parents of multiple of children. Get your pounding on and making your marriage work, no matter who's watching.

Loving in awe and a little bit of shock, Merry Ms Berry

Fresh and hot, but sometimes cold.

Wounds are fresh and hot but they are served up with a side of cold. This is about relationships starting and ending. It happens all-the-time! Let me set the scene for you.

My precious Feesh just successfully (about 70%)  pulled emotionally away from an extremely toxic relationship. Within just a couple short months another suitor gained her attention. Instead of taking the time to really let those open, constantly picked at wounds to heal, my precious Feesh romantically started to fall again for her friend. I am all about mushy love stories and was hoping for the best. More time than not, that's not the case. I myself have been in more than enough relationships to feel the burn of rejection. Alas, it wasn't meant to be for my Feesh. Instead of brushing off her shoulders, she deems the world as mad and that love isn't real. How can that be when I love her so much? Hmm.....?

Here's a few lessons we can all learn from Feesh and hopefully she's going to read them and learn for herself.

Be open and honest with what you are feeling no matter who you are feeling them about. If it ends, it's still going to hurt, no less if your cards were on the table. At least you can say you led with an open heart and let things happen the way they should. Guys are scared too! They don't get hints and setting up scenarios always sets them up for disaster. Talk to them, if they don't feel the same at least there are no games, no hints, no confusion on trying to torture yourself with trying to figure it out. AND the sooner the better, that way you're not wasting time on the wrong person.

Take time for yourself to heal. When a relationship ends (over & over & over) we lose a little piece of ourselves. Its those pieces that we've given to that other person that is no longer in our lives. Here's the thing about those holes in us, they need to fill up by themselves. If you try to fill them with other people, you're really just putting a band-aid on the open wound. You only really re-injuring the hurt, not letting it heal. Only you and time will let those things heal. See, now that this dude has pulled away from my Feesh, those unhealed wounds are back open ozzing yucking, foul, drippy, negativity of pessimistic hatred for love. (That's a lot of adjectives, better appreciate them).

Love thyself first and other love will follow. If you don't love you, then how can you expect anyone else to love you? Bitch get your swagger on!

Everyone we meet and spend time with in our lives are there to show us something. Something about ourselves and/or something about the world. As for SP(dude) & Feesh, I know exactly why they had their time together, and it wasn't about jumping into another relationship or killing off the idea of love. It was about feeling things that she thought were dead inside. Figuring out what you really want. Caring for a friend more than just a friend and realizing a friend could be a lover too. It's about knowing that you can fall again. That time together brought so much life out of her that seemed to have been beaten out of her. She was able to let go and love herself. She has gotten her swagger back. Now, she just needs to take what she learned from this and move forward, happily. It's like falling down and blaming your shoes. You willingly put on the shoes and you could have not been looking where you were going. I'm sure somewhere down the line all she wanted was to feel that way again. Well, her prayers got answered. How do I know this? Because I've made the same mistake about not asking for exactly what I wanted. All I wanted was to fall in love and that's exactly what happened and then it all fell apart. And then when I was NOT specific about anything, this douche bag somehow made it into my life and continued to mess things up.

You have to stay on top of your thoughts. Invite in good and you will get good. But just like weeds when you're not looking, crap finds its way in. Know thyself and what you deserve and want. You will get it.

Randomly rambling, Merry Ms (<3ing Feesh) Berry

Things that I've learned from Zoey

This is Zoey. She's is my angel complete with white furry wings (ears). I was blessed to get Zoey when I was 21 years old and it's been amazing to have her in my life. She has been my best friend and road trip parent in crime since day one. I drove down to Kentucky in the middle of an ice storm in January to get her. I was ran off the road and watch a car spin out and hit a wall. It was the beginning our adventure as master and doggie. Here are some things that I've learned from my little angel.

1. Tone is extremely important when talking. You can be saying something nice but with the wrong tone it will come off offensively or dominating.
2. Be comfortable anywhere. Whether you're upside in a bed of pillows or just lounging outside in the lawn, it's important to be you. Be comfortable being you, it will make everyone else around you more comfortable.
3. Bite me once, shame on you. Bite my twice, shame on me. Enough said.
4. It's only fur don't let it ruin your day. Little things are going to disrupt your day like white fur on a black pair of pants. It's going to happen, brush it off and keep going.
5. Kiss the tears away. I was in a toxic relationship and cried a lot and Zoey was always there to kiss the tears off my face. She would go above and beyond to get to me to make me feel better. If someone you love is in pain, make sure you go out of your way to make them feel better.
6. Chase squirrels!!! Go after what you want, even if you have failed every time. If you have fun chasing squirrels, keep doing it. If you love sports but suck at them, keep doing them. Who cares? It's all about having fun.
7. Be excited to see the ones you love. Every time I come home she would freak out, jump and kiss me. How can you ever stay in a bad mood when someone shows you they love to see you? Be excited to see your loved ones.
8. Love unconditionally. We all make mistakes. We are all going to get dirty, get sick, say the wrong things, all we can do is forgive those we love and love them unconditionally to let them know everything is going to be okay.
9. Acknowledge the ones you love. We all can't communicate perfectly but if we try to figure it out the signs and clues or even a look in their eyes, you'll just know what or how they are feeling. Be aware and notice your loved ones as much as possible. We all need our existence to be acknowledged
   
   

It's amazing how a creature that just wants to love you and can't even talk can show you the simple pleasures in life. It's in these simple terms, a woof, a wag of a tail and those puppy dog eyes is where you find the meaning of life. Love. Just love the best way you know how. Love for yourself and love for others. We all are going to make mistakes but if we keep on loving then it will make for a good day...mistake or not.

Lovingly, Merry Ms Berry (Zoey's mommy)

Let them fall!!!!

I am blessed with many people in my life. There's a good amount of giving and receiving, loving and sharing, fighting and disagreements. This is life! I am also blessed with the continuous opportunity to help people. If people that I care about come to me with a problem or issue, 9 times out of 10 I am able to help them. It's just one of those things. I am happy to share, connect and direct someone to help them out of a negative situation.

With that said.......I am also learning when to turn around, run the other way and let people fall. Why? Because that's what my mom did for me. She gave me the chance to succeed and the chance to fail. She let me hit rock bottom, showered me with love and watched as I clawed my way back up. I earned everything I have, of course getting gifts along the way, but nothing I expected or felt I was entitled to. I am thankful for everything that has ever come into my life. And if I wasn't, it's funny but that stuff is no longer around. Interesting how that works out.

There are people out there that have never felt the pain of a skinned knee, the break of a heart being cheated or the feel of the bottom where all is lost. These kinds of people have been "protected" and spoiled by parents that thought that giving their kids everything will make life easier. In turn, it actually hurts them. It hinders them from really finding out what they are made of. It keeps them from making sound decisions bases on real life experience (since theirs are diluted). They are ungrateful to having to roll up their sleeves and kick some ass when there is ass that needs kicking. I have some of these people in my life. It's really sad to see grown adults who haven't made a sound decision in their life whine about their failures or how things aren't working out because 1) they are not trying hard enough 2) don't know what to do so they don't do anything or 3) are waiting and relying on other people to save them.

Like a mother of an addict, I am an enabler. I am an emotional enabler. I believe that deep down inside everyone knows when the rubber has to meet the road, where the right thing to is harder than the easy thing, and that when push comes to get shit done. Why? Because that's how I am. If I'm like that, shouldn't a lot of other people like that? Ask any of my peoples. If I need to get something done,......it gets done. It's not hard, you just do it. You go out and do it, no matter how hard. The right thing is always better to go than not.

So "these" spoiled individuals come to me in their desperation. I am only one person and can only really save you if you really need saving. I am blessed with people in my life that help me offer other people gifts and blessings that I can share. But, if I give you blessing, that you have asked for, and you throw it back in my face and say it's "not right for your situation", even though it is.....be warned. This is your only warning. You will not only not ever receieve another loving, heart felt gift from me again. I'll make sure you know how lost and delusional you actually are, living in a world that you think that should take care of you. You wanna know who's supposed to take care of you, as an adult.........YOU!!!!

NO ONE ELSE!!!!

Yes, we all far on hard times. This is when you roll up your sleeves, shovel shit out of your way and make things better for yourself. Not sit on your ass and wait until someone else takes care of it for you.  I will let you fall. I will watch you fall from grace and have the chance, just like all of us, to find out who you really are. Fight your way back to good and congratulate you for becoming the real you. It's hard, please just fight to be the best you that you can.


Motheringly your, Merry Ms Berry

I want you to know me.

Because you are not alone. Today I listened a lot about good and bad, receptive and closed off, life and death, tragedies and lessons. It all made me think about me at this very second and what it all took to get me here.

When you first meet me you might think that I don't have a care in the world, I've never felt any pain, that I have always been blessed with a cheery disposition and a great outlook on life. Well....quite the contrary. What made me think about this is when the love of my life (hubby) is in a bad mood and I was unable to cheer him up. Yet, in the same day, I sent one of my bff's a text message and the exact time that he needed it and it helped pull himself out of a funk. After 2 very different conversations with 2 very different men in my life, I realized that it's all about perception and reception.

At first getting to know me you would never know that I was once a perfectionist. Or that my father was an alcoholic and I was an addict. Or that I hated myself for not being perfect. You would never know that I excelled in everything I did because I just wanted the approval of my peers and my family. I don't wear the anguish on my face from messed up relationships, getting cheated on, stabbed in the back and belittled for just being me. I've had (probably still have) haters, which is fine.  I've had 3 mental breakdowns where I cried (and I mean sobbed) everyday for months, leaving me a shell of a human being. Or that I used to lay in the dark with candles lit listening to sad music. You would also never know that at one point in my life I was so brutally tormented and verbally abused and threatened that I thought killing myself would be my friends and family's only savior from this psychopath.

Why am I telling you this? I'm telling you because when I put myself out there to try and make other people feel better from a shitty day, I want them to know that I've been there. I've been in that dark place so deep that just merely existing hurt. I've been in that place where you've run out of money and every bill is due tomorrow. I've been there. I've traveled the most inner depths of my soul. I've taken journeys with other people into theirs to explore, realize and have life changing epiphanies. I've been there. I've stayed home from work and school because I was in so much pain that my back just wouldn't let me up. I've been there where my knees were so bad that I would be in tears just walking. I've been under so much stress that I now have ulcers that once stab me to my core and put me on the floor. I see you! I feel you!

I wear my heart on the outside because I want YOU to know me. I wear it to show you that I am open, vulnerable and that you can trust me. I also wear it to show people that I am not afraid. I am strong. I have fought a great fight against the world and myself from the utter depths of darkness. I came back and realized what you should happy for and what you shouldn't waste your energy on. I've been there on the brink. I've dragged my body through my own personal hell with a fucking smile on my face for the world to so no one felt my pain. I did and will always do it for you. Because I want the world to know that people like me DO exist!!! We fight our battles for others. And for what??????? Peace of mind and true happiness. It's that simple. I write for you because you need it. If you're struggling you need to know my story. You need to know that you're going to be okay. That if I can do it, so can you. You need to know that happiness is so simple to achieve it just takes some practice. It's a change in perception. It's deciding that nothing has power over you except  you. No bill, no house, no boyfriend, lover, peer, drug or job!!!!

Don't be afraid. Don't be angry. You are only hurting yourself and trust me, it's not worth it.

Lovingly yours, Merry Ms Berry

The bush & an olive branch.

I am not without stumbling over irrational emotions even if they are deserved, and this weekend is a perfect example.

Sunday was meant for yard work. My poor hubby had to work at his job for about 4 hours in the morning and then came back and we started yard work together. I cleaned up apples and dog doo while he trimmed and cut the lawn. After that, my mind when completely blank, totally forgetting that I told him that I would help with this crazy bush growing in our fence. I went inside to cool down and relax. The next thing I know hubby is stomping around with this attitude on his face. Being the concerned and always curious wifey, I decided to find out what was wrong. With a little prying and a few repeated askings, he finally spilled out that he was frustrated that I was not outside helping with the bush. Instead of him just asking me to come out, he assumed that I thought I was done for the day and decided to take a load off. We had a few smart ass things to say to each other along the lines of "I can't read your mind, my bad" and him with "I thought you were going to help me" blah blah blah. He stormed off and I went back to sitting because, out of principal, if he wanted my help he could have just asked nicely. I really did forget about the bush, but I knew he had no right to fly off the handle about at me.

Instead of chasing him down, that's not really my m.o., I grabbed his laundry and went downstairs. There I proceeded to throw a load in the washer for him as I took mine out of the dryer. In the time I was fluffing and folding, I was going over in my head the current sitauation at hand. I got madder and madder and furious by the time I was done folding my laundry.

I grabbed my gardening gloves and flip flops. If he wanted my help, he was going to get it but not in happy wifey fashion. I attacked the bush angry and with pruning sheers, at the same time cursing him to the winds. As I unleashed on vegetation I also unleashed on him. If he wanted attitude well dagnabit he's going to get attitude and a barrage of it. I knew he would storm off, but I didn't care. I had a point to prove and the light-hearted, understanding wife had been pushed aside and the moral avenger had gotten her feelings hurt.

15-20 minutes, about 2 pounds of sweat and 20 pounds of hacked up fence twinging bush later, husband emerges cleaned up and with a glass of water. After offering me water, which I politely declined, he apologized for his attitude. Even though I was not looking at him, I did hear him. When he was finished expressing his apology I turned to him to say "Apology accepted. Thank you, I will take the water now."

I could have belittled him and tore him down, but what's the point. It was really hard for him to come out and offer an olive branch in the midst of my vegetation killing spree. I knew this and I acknowledged it. I'm not perfect and neither is he. We are both always working on our marriage and this is no exception. He went on further to say how hard it is to calm down once he gets upset and that he knows that he needs to work at it. Point taken. I showed him in my behavior how he made me feel and how he looked. Now, I really do not recommend this kind of behavior. I, myself, only know how I feel and I knew all the anger building up inside was not going to go anywhere but out. With my mom in mind (she also takes anger out on vegetation), I had to let it all go, no matter how many bodies were left behind me. But in the end it all worked out great. We didn't discuss his attitude at all after that. We went out and had a lovely time of burgers and ice cream. We love food!!!!

So the moral of my story? Don't deny your feelings, but also don't deny other people's feelings either. If they are all out on the table, no matter how they got there, it's easier to sort them out once in the open. Always be careful with someone's heart when they are apologizing. They are vulnerable and deserved to be loved and accepted.

Forgivingly, Merry Ms Berry

Is it just good on paper?

From the book I was reading to a yahoo.com article that popped up on my homepage, today's topic was destined to be explored. Do love and compatibility go hand and hand, and do they have to?

We all want to be accepted for who we are and be given the opportunity to grow into ourselves. But how do we grow if we don't struggle through something? The article that I read was about being content in a relationship with no passion, but how do you find that passion without having to enter drama into your life or end up looking ungrateful for the love you are already receiving?

Is it wrong to not want to fight? Just because you  do fight does that mean you love each other or does it mean you don't get along? This subject can be so touchy because there is no fine line that dictates what side you are on. Also, passion in the beginning of a relationship doesn't stay and wears many different faces as the relationship grows with time. How do you know you are in a passionless relationship? Was it like that in the beginning? Do love the one you are with or do love the situation you have come accustomed to?

I myself do not have answers to all these questions. I, too, have fears that one day I could be in "that" place because no one is safe. We all want to be looked at with adoring eyes for the rest of our lives, is that capable or only in romance novels?

I can tell you one thing. I was in one of "those" passionless relationships. He was my best friend but more like my brother than a lover. He never fought because he was rational to my emotional. He let me be me anytime I wanted to be me but it wasn't nothing more than that. When things progressed I backed off. I felt something inside keeping me from wanting more, moving forward and ultimately falling in love. Though, I miss my friend, he deserved a love I was unable to give him as a lover. He was a great boyfriend and a fun person to be around. I was not the demanding, push comes to shove kind of person he might have needed. I, too, need someone to keep me grounded, focused and wanting more of.

Those who truly love us want us to be the best we can be. Most of us need encouragement, a little nudge or a nagging ear (or a swift kick in the ass). If you are just going through the motions and find yourself living in the love of just grey, time to start in fire in your heart.

Keep loving, Merry Ms Berry

Would you want you?

Take a step back and put yourself in someone else's shoes. If you are pining away for someone to settle down with, would you settle down with you? What kind of person do you want to be with and are you the person that will fulfill the needs of that person?

Too many times I see my young friends, living a carefree life hoping from one relationship to another, with not a care in the world. But as we get older, doubt sets in and the dreaded "biological clock" starts ticking in their ears. Settle or continue the search? If you've been a relationship for a long period of time (ie greater than 4 years) are you going to continue to wait around for more with the hopes that it will happen because 1) you've put the time in your deserve it or 2) all that time and you don't want to have to start over in fear of more time you have to wait or 3) will you find someone else?

I myself have never bothered to entertain those desperate feelings of being alone and scared that I would end up by myself. For some reason I knew that I would get married and have a family. How, I don't know how except for I had a dream that I was with "the one" and since I wasn't there yet, I had time. I believe you are given little signals all around to help ease your heart & mind. Also, I was engaged at 20 to my first love, and if he wanted to marry me and that ended, in my mind it meant that I was marrying material and I just haven't found "him" yet. So when I was single I lived like I was and didn't worry about the next person. I was single for a reason, so let the fun begin. Of course, I toyed with the thoughts of, I wonder if this is the guy or not. I guess we'd have to wait and see. But if he wasn't I had no qualms moving on. Why waste time if you already know you're not meant to be. I'm not a stage 5 clinger and I think that's one thing that intrigues guys.

Guy want to be in control. Deep down they want to take care of their women. Well....most men do. I know a few that like to be babied like their mothers did for them. Ya, no thanks. But if you are so desperate to get married and have children, don't you think you might be wearing that in your eyes, ultimately taking control away from your guy. Yes, its good to be open and honest about what you want in your life, but is the clock ticking so loud that the rest of the world can hear it?

Love you! MerryMsBerry

Just Communicate

With the age of technology at its most advanced, it seems that people are using less face time to communicate but more time to communicate via email, text message, facebook, instant message (Gchat is my fav) and I've even sent voice messages as an mms. Here's what I found. We are so busy trying to keep our heads above water that we don't always have the chance to communicate face to face which is just fine but that doesn't mean our feelings are any less important and that any mode of communication is less effective than the next. They are all equally wonderful tools, catering to each individual person. (hmm.....video blog berry?)

Hubby and I had a miscommunication the other day and yes we are still learning as a married couple how to learn about one another. I work downtown and he works 2 miles from home, so there is ample time for me to sit and fester in my own bitterness, all the while I have no idea what is going on in his head. I am one that loves to love. I like to make people happy and when the one I love is not happy I take it personally, like I am not a good friend or wife. Even though I should know better not to think like that because hubby is his own man and his emotions are only in his control, I want him to be happy. 

While at work (festering), I really needed to convey how I was feeling about the past few days but its hard while sitting in the middle of an office of nosey people. We were on a rollercoaster of emotions and it started to negatively effect me. Now hubby is able to just blurt out whatever is on his mind which I'm glad he's able to. As for myself, I think I am still working through communication issues with past relationships that are keeping me from just letting everything in my head and heart go. There are times where I've offended hubby with just being me, so I am trying to find the balance. So, I did want I know how to do best.....type!

In a series of 3 email, each getting shorter than the next I blurted out everything that I was feeling. The first email was the roughest and most raw, but it had to be. The next 2 emails were the softer parts of me explaining the necessity of the first one and then how my girl feelings were getting to me. And ya know what.....towards the end of the day he called and he saw where I was coming from and we were able to smooth out our issues because all the cards were on the table. It was extremely productive and it felt great to get everything out and discussed without the feelings of hurt, defensiveness or betrayal. 

Now if I would have waited to get home to try and have this discussion with him, I know for a fact that it would get blown totally out of proportion, especially since my first email was on the aggressive, killer side of my emotions. He would have acted out in defense and nothing would have gotten solved and there's a good chance I would have thrown a shoe at his smart mouth. 

Moral of today's blog......get it out there. It doesn't matter how it gets there, just get it there. Whether phone call, text message, email or carrier pigeon. Feelings and emotions need to be expressed or they will eat you from the inside out, I KNOW THIS for a fact. My ulcer will tell you the story at another time. 

Loveloves! Merry Ms Berry

When to Let Go!

Being a proud stubborn, slightly eccentric Pollack, I don't like to admit defeat and used to be a very poor loser. Over time I have realized that you have to lose at some games and parts of life to learn and appreciate the lessons that God wants us to learn. Now I am about to be a gracious loser but I still do the happy dance when I win.

With that said, we are not meant to date everyone. When relationships end, it doesn't mean that they are a failure, it just means there is something or someone better is meant to be in your life in the future (whether tomorrow, the next day, the next year or whatnot). But the longer you have to cling, claw and convince someone to stay in your life, or be that person being convinced, the longer you prolong true (meant to be) happiness. 

If you are fighting over trivial, small things....it might be time to reconsider your relationship.  If you both cannot be nice to one another, there are bigger problems underlining the smaller issues. 

If you are asked or are asking for "one more chance" and you've receieved at least 3 of them. Your "one" more chance is over. If you or they didn't learn the first or even the second time, its time to move on. 

You are changing yourself or expecting the other person to change who they are, how they act or what they believe. If you or they are not meeting certain standards then it means you don't have the same morals or values and it's time to move on. 

When you avoid or "conveniently forgot" devices of communication. If you find yourself wanting to escape from even talking with the one you are in a relationship with it's time to escape the whole relationship. 

You feel bad or poor about yourself. We are in relationships to feel loved, inspired, uplifted and vulnerable. If you are making someone feel about themselves or being made to feel bad, then you are not soul mates, move on. 

These are just a few examples of when and why to let go. It is perfectly normal and okay to end a relationship. Just like taking in oxygen we have to let go of carbon dioxide, toxic to us but beneficial to plants. You heart & body physically will let you know when you are in a good or bad relationship. Example, I would get physically sick because of a bad relationship. My ulcer would flare up, I would lose weight and just look like death. I couldn't even tell you a good reason why I let this douche bag stay in my life. I wanted him gone so badly and yet he would not leave. He's pure evil. BUT because of me standing my ground and ridding that evil from my life no matter what, I was blessed with meeting my husband. Out with the bad and in with the fabulous!!!! When you close one chapter another one automatically beginnings. It's as simple as turning the next page. 

I love you and want you to be happy. I have so much to share with you, please ask me anything. I've gone through a ton and learned from all it. Learn from me learning. 

<3 MerryMsBerry