The bush & an olive branch.

I am not without stumbling over irrational emotions even if they are deserved, and this weekend is a perfect example.

Sunday was meant for yard work. My poor hubby had to work at his job for about 4 hours in the morning and then came back and we started yard work together. I cleaned up apples and dog doo while he trimmed and cut the lawn. After that, my mind when completely blank, totally forgetting that I told him that I would help with this crazy bush growing in our fence. I went inside to cool down and relax. The next thing I know hubby is stomping around with this attitude on his face. Being the concerned and always curious wifey, I decided to find out what was wrong. With a little prying and a few repeated askings, he finally spilled out that he was frustrated that I was not outside helping with the bush. Instead of him just asking me to come out, he assumed that I thought I was done for the day and decided to take a load off. We had a few smart ass things to say to each other along the lines of "I can't read your mind, my bad" and him with "I thought you were going to help me" blah blah blah. He stormed off and I went back to sitting because, out of principal, if he wanted my help he could have just asked nicely. I really did forget about the bush, but I knew he had no right to fly off the handle about at me.

Instead of chasing him down, that's not really my m.o., I grabbed his laundry and went downstairs. There I proceeded to throw a load in the washer for him as I took mine out of the dryer. In the time I was fluffing and folding, I was going over in my head the current sitauation at hand. I got madder and madder and furious by the time I was done folding my laundry.

I grabbed my gardening gloves and flip flops. If he wanted my help, he was going to get it but not in happy wifey fashion. I attacked the bush angry and with pruning sheers, at the same time cursing him to the winds. As I unleashed on vegetation I also unleashed on him. If he wanted attitude well dagnabit he's going to get attitude and a barrage of it. I knew he would storm off, but I didn't care. I had a point to prove and the light-hearted, understanding wife had been pushed aside and the moral avenger had gotten her feelings hurt.

15-20 minutes, about 2 pounds of sweat and 20 pounds of hacked up fence twinging bush later, husband emerges cleaned up and with a glass of water. After offering me water, which I politely declined, he apologized for his attitude. Even though I was not looking at him, I did hear him. When he was finished expressing his apology I turned to him to say "Apology accepted. Thank you, I will take the water now."

I could have belittled him and tore him down, but what's the point. It was really hard for him to come out and offer an olive branch in the midst of my vegetation killing spree. I knew this and I acknowledged it. I'm not perfect and neither is he. We are both always working on our marriage and this is no exception. He went on further to say how hard it is to calm down once he gets upset and that he knows that he needs to work at it. Point taken. I showed him in my behavior how he made me feel and how he looked. Now, I really do not recommend this kind of behavior. I, myself, only know how I feel and I knew all the anger building up inside was not going to go anywhere but out. With my mom in mind (she also takes anger out on vegetation), I had to let it all go, no matter how many bodies were left behind me. But in the end it all worked out great. We didn't discuss his attitude at all after that. We went out and had a lovely time of burgers and ice cream. We love food!!!!

So the moral of my story? Don't deny your feelings, but also don't deny other people's feelings either. If they are all out on the table, no matter how they got there, it's easier to sort them out once in the open. Always be careful with someone's heart when they are apologizing. They are vulnerable and deserved to be loved and accepted.

Forgivingly, Merry Ms Berry

Would you want you?

Take a step back and put yourself in someone else's shoes. If you are pining away for someone to settle down with, would you settle down with you? What kind of person do you want to be with and are you the person that will fulfill the needs of that person?

Too many times I see my young friends, living a carefree life hoping from one relationship to another, with not a care in the world. But as we get older, doubt sets in and the dreaded "biological clock" starts ticking in their ears. Settle or continue the search? If you've been a relationship for a long period of time (ie greater than 4 years) are you going to continue to wait around for more with the hopes that it will happen because 1) you've put the time in your deserve it or 2) all that time and you don't want to have to start over in fear of more time you have to wait or 3) will you find someone else?

I myself have never bothered to entertain those desperate feelings of being alone and scared that I would end up by myself. For some reason I knew that I would get married and have a family. How, I don't know how except for I had a dream that I was with "the one" and since I wasn't there yet, I had time. I believe you are given little signals all around to help ease your heart & mind. Also, I was engaged at 20 to my first love, and if he wanted to marry me and that ended, in my mind it meant that I was marrying material and I just haven't found "him" yet. So when I was single I lived like I was and didn't worry about the next person. I was single for a reason, so let the fun begin. Of course, I toyed with the thoughts of, I wonder if this is the guy or not. I guess we'd have to wait and see. But if he wasn't I had no qualms moving on. Why waste time if you already know you're not meant to be. I'm not a stage 5 clinger and I think that's one thing that intrigues guys.

Guy want to be in control. Deep down they want to take care of their women. Well....most men do. I know a few that like to be babied like their mothers did for them. Ya, no thanks. But if you are so desperate to get married and have children, don't you think you might be wearing that in your eyes, ultimately taking control away from your guy. Yes, its good to be open and honest about what you want in your life, but is the clock ticking so loud that the rest of the world can hear it?

Love you! MerryMsBerry