The dying optimists. If you are someone that keeps "putting up with", "taking back", "giving 1 more chance" to someone who promises to change but ultimately doesn't ever change. Ask yourself this "would you ever treat someone the way you are being treated?"
.
.
.
.......Keep thinking about it.
.
.
.
If the answer is "no" then why are you letting yourself get treated like that. You are a person of your word, or you wouldn't be lying (straight up lying to your face) to yourself to think that this is what you deserve. Time to write the "pros & cons" list. One for one. Yes, the feeling of love is stronger than lonely, but one good is equal to one bad. There are BILLIONS of people on the planet, all shapes and sizes, would cling to something bad. You deserve to be with the one you are meant to be with. The one that you can trust, be open and completely vulnerable with, every moment or every second on your life. If you are not with that person, then in your heart you know you deserve more. Take time to make sure that your brain and your heart are on the same page. If not....email me and I'll personally come kick you in the ass.
Loveloves! MerryMsBerry
May 31, 2011
How real I am....
If I have ever made anyone feel like I am better than them, I'm not. We are all equal across the board. Some people know more in one area than another, but in the end we are balance out to be the same. With that being said....I, too, sometimes go off the rational end of the edge of emotions. I love my husband, though he drives me to the brink.
I am a student in life just like we all are but I do not handle jealousy or insecurities in my relationship very well. The Berry's were out and about that amazing city of Chicago last weekend with husband's friends in from "po-dunk" to go the Cubs game and to paint the town red. I ran into an ex-bf that doesn't really see "eye to eye" with the husband, but I'm not going to go out of my way to be rude. I saw the ex's little sister & cousin who I absolutely adore, so of course I was going to take 5 minutes of my life to catch up with them. I believe that the whole encounter outside of drinking and dancing last maybe 10 minutes. Nothing crazy....right? Wrong!
On the way home and many many many tasty alcoholic beverages later, a heated conversation arose about the "ex situation" some 5 hours earlier. Of course, I'm the bad guy and I defend the ex, which I wasn't but I also cannot control anyone, nor do I try (how exhausting would that be.) But since I was not being listened to and getting verbally attacked, the lesser of my human nature got the best of me and the next thing I knew, a big slice of Giordano's stuffed pizza in a to-go box goes flying from my hand (Cub's pitcher style) and right into the side of husband's drunken, rambling, Butch face!
Yes! I AM HUMAN! I am not perfect, I lose it too. I have to take a step back and try to see my world from other's eyes. It is not easy. You are not crazy! Its very hard to see your life from my eyes. That is why I am here. And if you ever meet me in this kind of situation, please please please feel from to tell how not to jump on my husband like a rabid monkey trying to bite his ear off (hypothetically of course.)
Love you! MerryMsBerry
I am a student in life just like we all are but I do not handle jealousy or insecurities in my relationship very well. The Berry's were out and about that amazing city of Chicago last weekend with husband's friends in from "po-dunk" to go the Cubs game and to paint the town red. I ran into an ex-bf that doesn't really see "eye to eye" with the husband, but I'm not going to go out of my way to be rude. I saw the ex's little sister & cousin who I absolutely adore, so of course I was going to take 5 minutes of my life to catch up with them. I believe that the whole encounter outside of drinking and dancing last maybe 10 minutes. Nothing crazy....right? Wrong!
On the way home and many many many tasty alcoholic beverages later, a heated conversation arose about the "ex situation" some 5 hours earlier. Of course, I'm the bad guy and I defend the ex, which I wasn't but I also cannot control anyone, nor do I try (how exhausting would that be.) But since I was not being listened to and getting verbally attacked, the lesser of my human nature got the best of me and the next thing I knew, a big slice of Giordano's stuffed pizza in a to-go box goes flying from my hand (Cub's pitcher style) and right into the side of husband's drunken, rambling, Butch face!
Yes! I AM HUMAN! I am not perfect, I lose it too. I have to take a step back and try to see my world from other's eyes. It is not easy. You are not crazy! Its very hard to see your life from my eyes. That is why I am here. And if you ever meet me in this kind of situation, please please please feel from to tell how not to jump on my husband like a rabid monkey trying to bite his ear off (hypothetically of course.)
Love you! MerryMsBerry
May 27, 2011
Bad Boys = Red Flag!!!!
Women! We are all guilty of being with or going after a "bad boy". Our maternal instincts kick in, we believe deep down all people are good and we think that with enough love they'll turn into the wonderful man or woman you see inside. Yup, I've been there too. And no, they won't change, not even for you. It's because we often mistake cockiness or confidence.
Here are some red flags.
1. they've cheated on every relationship, but somehow "you're different". No, you're not.
2. Fights ensue over nothing but somehow you come out as the bad guy. You've done nothing wrong as yet you get accused of cheating, lying or sneaking around. This is called "projecting". It means they are actually doing those things to you.
3. They travel with a lot of drama in their life. They can't let go people or issues from the past that would make yours and their life better. Whether its pictures of old ex's, ex's that don't seem to get the hint, old booty calls that "don't get the hint". They are in their life for a reason, they're not letting go of them.
4. They are either calling you every 20 seconds or they go days without a single word. There's no middle ground. That means they don't trust you because they can't be trusted.
5. You make excuses for him or her for their bad behavior. (Ex. he's been hurt before and has his wall up. She had a rough childhood. He's torn on what he is and who he wants to be). BLAH BLAH BLAH!
6. You're constantly doing them favors.
7. When you say "he's not like that when its just me and him". That means he's a 2 faced douche bag! Of course he's going to be nice to you when you're alone, he's getting laid. Out in public he doesn't have to because he or she knows you're not going to make a scene. (except me, I'm all about making scenes. You have the gall to talk shit, I have the balls to put you in your place.)
That's just a few RED FLAGS that I came up with off the top of my head. I know if I sat here for a little longer I could think of more. But you get the point. Some people are just douche bags, male or female. Deep down, not everyone is good and you should not be with them. Some people deserve to rot alone in their own ickyness. Good people are consistent, giving and courteous. If you don't make yourself a priority, who will?
With all my love, MerryMsBerry
Here are some red flags.
1. they've cheated on every relationship, but somehow "you're different". No, you're not.
2. Fights ensue over nothing but somehow you come out as the bad guy. You've done nothing wrong as yet you get accused of cheating, lying or sneaking around. This is called "projecting". It means they are actually doing those things to you.
3. They travel with a lot of drama in their life. They can't let go people or issues from the past that would make yours and their life better. Whether its pictures of old ex's, ex's that don't seem to get the hint, old booty calls that "don't get the hint". They are in their life for a reason, they're not letting go of them.
4. They are either calling you every 20 seconds or they go days without a single word. There's no middle ground. That means they don't trust you because they can't be trusted.
5. You make excuses for him or her for their bad behavior. (Ex. he's been hurt before and has his wall up. She had a rough childhood. He's torn on what he is and who he wants to be). BLAH BLAH BLAH!
6. You're constantly doing them favors.
7. When you say "he's not like that when its just me and him". That means he's a 2 faced douche bag! Of course he's going to be nice to you when you're alone, he's getting laid. Out in public he doesn't have to because he or she knows you're not going to make a scene. (except me, I'm all about making scenes. You have the gall to talk shit, I have the balls to put you in your place.)
That's just a few RED FLAGS that I came up with off the top of my head. I know if I sat here for a little longer I could think of more. But you get the point. Some people are just douche bags, male or female. Deep down, not everyone is good and you should not be with them. Some people deserve to rot alone in their own ickyness. Good people are consistent, giving and courteous. If you don't make yourself a priority, who will?
With all my love, MerryMsBerry
May 25, 2011
don't take my word on it.....
I'm only talking from experience.
I know that there are going to be skeptics that think that I'm talking out of my ass, and for that fact, aren't we all really doing that anyway. One thing I love to do is hang back and watch people. When I used to work at one of the largest Country-Western bars in IL (what's the difference between country & western music or dance, that I'll never know), I would go in and find in a corner with a hat on, by the back bar, always by one of my besties. What I know now is what I can share with those that went through what I had already gone through.
Why am I someone to read? I was never afraid of dating, breaking up with boyfriends, taking them back, exposing my feelings when I felt them, I was when it came to dating. I knew what I wanted and since I held myself to high standards of awareness, I knew in my heart my other half had to out there. And he was, battling his own battles to find me. Unlike a lot of people, I learned from an early age that with anything that when you fail or something ends you need to learn from it or be doomed to repeat it. From my parents, their friends and friends of my own, I watched their struggles and successes and learned from them all.
Even though I am a stubborn, Scorpio Pollack, I am always willing to learn. From the stint of being the "one date max" girl to have a few longer relationships, I was always blessed with filling up my time with what exactly I wanted. If I wanted to be single and wreak havoc, I gave myself that opportunity. The moment I wanted someone in my life, I had someone (maybe not the one that should have been there but always still someone). I am blessed with the mouth to socialize and am able to draw people into me. How....eye contact! Try it, its awesome!
More soon...love you!
I know that there are going to be skeptics that think that I'm talking out of my ass, and for that fact, aren't we all really doing that anyway. One thing I love to do is hang back and watch people. When I used to work at one of the largest Country-Western bars in IL (what's the difference between country & western music or dance, that I'll never know), I would go in and find in a corner with a hat on, by the back bar, always by one of my besties. What I know now is what I can share with those that went through what I had already gone through.
Why am I someone to read? I was never afraid of dating, breaking up with boyfriends, taking them back, exposing my feelings when I felt them, I was when it came to dating. I knew what I wanted and since I held myself to high standards of awareness, I knew in my heart my other half had to out there. And he was, battling his own battles to find me. Unlike a lot of people, I learned from an early age that with anything that when you fail or something ends you need to learn from it or be doomed to repeat it. From my parents, their friends and friends of my own, I watched their struggles and successes and learned from them all.
Even though I am a stubborn, Scorpio Pollack, I am always willing to learn. From the stint of being the "one date max" girl to have a few longer relationships, I was always blessed with filling up my time with what exactly I wanted. If I wanted to be single and wreak havoc, I gave myself that opportunity. The moment I wanted someone in my life, I had someone (maybe not the one that should have been there but always still someone). I am blessed with the mouth to socialize and am able to draw people into me. How....eye contact! Try it, its awesome!
More soon...love you!
May 24, 2011
Falling in love......? Made & controlled
Classic tale: girl likes boy, boy likes girl but is skittish. Girl creates ellaborate scheme and games in own head to somehow justify boy's actions and bend him to her will.
Let me get this out in the open. I was the master as making men fall in love with me. And how I am able to do this knowing basic human psychology traits. This blog was started off as "Dating like a master" with me being the master. Now, I'm not saying I controlled men in relationships, that's not my M.O. but if there was a guy I wanted, I got him. PERIOD
With that said, I try to help women keep a grand amount of self-respect for themselves and hold themselves with a certain kind of stature when it comes to starting a relationship or getting the guy that they want (or girl for that matter). But you can only lead a horse to water, you can't yank their head out of their own ass to make the drink (Pollack version).
Time and time again I talk with friends or strangers in passing about how to get a guy. Women's biggest issue is that more times than not they give way too much way too fast. Or they start seeing someone and want to move things super fast, or just too fast for the other person. I tell these women to stop, look and listen, just like if you were standing by railroad tracks waiting for a train and NOT get hit. Why not flip the script and be something worth fighting for. Men are hunters, women are gathers, but these days it seems like men are lazy and expect the world come to them and women think they need to now take the initiative to go after these men. OH! and then if they get these men, these poor women have no idea why these men (I'm sorry...guys. Real men aren't like this) don't ever take initiative for themselves and go above and beyond for their women. Well......duuuuuuuh, they didn't in the beginning why would they start now? This is a topic that I could dedicate a whole chapter in a book, that yes I will write. But for now I am going to keep it really simple....well when it comes to men and human nature.
1. humans: we want what we can't have. If you want someone to want you, let them know they can't have you.
2. Men are hunters. Let them hunt. If you want to be fought for, you have to be far enough away for him to want to hunt for you.
3. If you're in a mess of a emotion situation and you have to plot or scheme to get what you want, most likely its for the best that you don't go for it and/or end up getting it. There's signs all around us that are helping us go in the right direction. Heed those warnings.
4. Let people be people. It's amazing what you will learn if you just set back and watch people live.
5. Stay you! If you have to put your feelings aside for someone else who's too afraid to acknowledge your feelings or their own issues, time to move on.
6. “If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.”
Keep it simple. If something isn't working out, don't force it. You should have to plan out a war just to get into a relationship.
Let me get this out in the open. I was the master as making men fall in love with me. And how I am able to do this knowing basic human psychology traits. This blog was started off as "Dating like a master" with me being the master. Now, I'm not saying I controlled men in relationships, that's not my M.O. but if there was a guy I wanted, I got him. PERIOD
With that said, I try to help women keep a grand amount of self-respect for themselves and hold themselves with a certain kind of stature when it comes to starting a relationship or getting the guy that they want (or girl for that matter). But you can only lead a horse to water, you can't yank their head out of their own ass to make the drink (Pollack version).
Time and time again I talk with friends or strangers in passing about how to get a guy. Women's biggest issue is that more times than not they give way too much way too fast. Or they start seeing someone and want to move things super fast, or just too fast for the other person. I tell these women to stop, look and listen, just like if you were standing by railroad tracks waiting for a train and NOT get hit. Why not flip the script and be something worth fighting for. Men are hunters, women are gathers, but these days it seems like men are lazy and expect the world come to them and women think they need to now take the initiative to go after these men. OH! and then if they get these men, these poor women have no idea why these men (I'm sorry...guys. Real men aren't like this) don't ever take initiative for themselves and go above and beyond for their women. Well......duuuuuuuh, they didn't in the beginning why would they start now? This is a topic that I could dedicate a whole chapter in a book, that yes I will write. But for now I am going to keep it really simple....well when it comes to men and human nature.
1. humans: we want what we can't have. If you want someone to want you, let them know they can't have you.
2. Men are hunters. Let them hunt. If you want to be fought for, you have to be far enough away for him to want to hunt for you.
3. If you're in a mess of a emotion situation and you have to plot or scheme to get what you want, most likely its for the best that you don't go for it and/or end up getting it. There's signs all around us that are helping us go in the right direction. Heed those warnings.
4. Let people be people. It's amazing what you will learn if you just set back and watch people live.
5. Stay you! If you have to put your feelings aside for someone else who's too afraid to acknowledge your feelings or their own issues, time to move on.
6. “If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.”
Keep it simple. If something isn't working out, don't force it. You should have to plan out a war just to get into a relationship.
May 20, 2011
Hold your ground and dig in your heels
I hear time and time again about how people take other people's feeling in consideration in front of their own and it drives me insane!!!! Now I am not saying to walk all over people or not take their feelings in consideration ever, but there's a fine line to holding respect for yourself and becoming a push over. Yes, we want to be kind to others, but when it comes to matters of the heart you have to protect yourself for those who don't not want to add value to your life.
If you are in a relationship, the beginning, the middle, a psuedo-relationship, testing the waters, on a first date, at any given point whether on the way to a relationship or already in one, never put your feelings aside for someone else's. You have every right to feel what you feel, and if someone else can't understand that or does not what to validate or acknowledge them, it's time to move the *#!% on!
If you are starting to have strong feelings for someone and have not told said person, its noone's fault but your own if the relationship doesn't go anywhere. There has to be open lines of communication on where you want to be and go. If you don't know if the other person is on the same page or not, its time to open your mouth and ask. At least you will know whether you get to move forward or you have to cut times, so not to waste your or their time.
If you can't tell, this topic fires me up a little. Too many people keep their mouth shut hoping that things will fall into place.....well people are not mind readers. I totally wish they were because then we wouldn't have these issues. Then again, I wouldn't be blogging about it either. So....long story short. Open your mouth and convey what you want. Whether it be a fling or something more serious, no one will know anything until you let them know. (period)
Loves! Merry (fired up) Ms Berry
If you are in a relationship, the beginning, the middle, a psuedo-relationship, testing the waters, on a first date, at any given point whether on the way to a relationship or already in one, never put your feelings aside for someone else's. You have every right to feel what you feel, and if someone else can't understand that or does not what to validate or acknowledge them, it's time to move the *#!% on!
If you are starting to have strong feelings for someone and have not told said person, its noone's fault but your own if the relationship doesn't go anywhere. There has to be open lines of communication on where you want to be and go. If you don't know if the other person is on the same page or not, its time to open your mouth and ask. At least you will know whether you get to move forward or you have to cut times, so not to waste your or their time.
If you can't tell, this topic fires me up a little. Too many people keep their mouth shut hoping that things will fall into place.....well people are not mind readers. I totally wish they were because then we wouldn't have these issues. Then again, I wouldn't be blogging about it either. So....long story short. Open your mouth and convey what you want. Whether it be a fling or something more serious, no one will know anything until you let them know. (period)
Loves! Merry (fired up) Ms Berry
How to figure it out...
Currently being 31, I have friends married with kids, divorced with kids, married with no kids (like myself), divorced with no kids and plain ol' single or dating. I am seeing a pattern with the single friends that don't want to be single anymore. They feel lost, confused and that dating is getting harder and harder. I know for myself being 31 and where I am in my life, I, too, thought I would be in a different place. Then I remember that everything happens for a reason and God wants me exactly where I am right now.
One thing that I didn't find when it came to finding "the one" I was meant to be with is I really needed to find myself first. I find that when we know what we want in ourselves, its usually what we want in a mate/lover/partner/soul mate. The difficult thing about that is we are totally different people in our 30's than when we were in our 20's. In our 20's we didn't worry about marriage, mortgages, kids and insurance. Ok, some of us had to and some of us didn't. Most of us were so carefree that finding someone to be with just happened and now in our 30's we worry about getting "too old" or we're running out of time or missed "the one" to be with. These are all situations my lovely peeps are struggling with.
I believe that I was blessed to find my soul mate, know that it was him and that our relationship progressed very fast for the "norm" but for us we were so excited to send the rest of our lives together that time was not a concern of ours. But before I re-connected with him I had to dig deep down inside and figure out what I really wanted. Before Reese came into my life, I too, struggled with my identity, it turn getting abused and taken advantage of. It totally sucked!
Here are some easy steps to help you along the process.
1. Analyze your past relationships and figure out why you were in them, what you loved about them, what you didn't like (what you don't want in the next) and what you truly learned from being with that person. This will give you an idea of what you really want to have in the idea of "forever".
2. Make a "perfect soul mate" recipe. Write down all the things you would love to have in your perfect mate. You will find that most of the traits and attributes are surprisingly what you see in yourself or want in yourself. Even play with the superficial because in the end its that face you want to wake up next to every morning.
3. Stop stressing!!!! Let the flow of the universe work for you. If you are spiritual, like I am, have the faith that God received your order and is working to put you 2 together. If you constantly worry about it, it won't happen. Trust and faith are one in the same.
4. Have fun! The second you start living and loving yourself is the moment when your love interest will find their way to you. If you don't have a clear picture of what you want, how can it be delivered to you? Also, you look very pleasing to others when you're having fun and holding yourself with confidence and assurance.
Don't wear concern, worry or desperation on your face because no one wants to be with someone that looks like that, and those who do want to take advantage of you. Hold your ground for "the one", you'll know him or her when you meet them.
Love you! Merry Ms Berry
One thing that I didn't find when it came to finding "the one" I was meant to be with is I really needed to find myself first. I find that when we know what we want in ourselves, its usually what we want in a mate/lover/partner/soul mate. The difficult thing about that is we are totally different people in our 30's than when we were in our 20's. In our 20's we didn't worry about marriage, mortgages, kids and insurance. Ok, some of us had to and some of us didn't. Most of us were so carefree that finding someone to be with just happened and now in our 30's we worry about getting "too old" or we're running out of time or missed "the one" to be with. These are all situations my lovely peeps are struggling with.
I believe that I was blessed to find my soul mate, know that it was him and that our relationship progressed very fast for the "norm" but for us we were so excited to send the rest of our lives together that time was not a concern of ours. But before I re-connected with him I had to dig deep down inside and figure out what I really wanted. Before Reese came into my life, I too, struggled with my identity, it turn getting abused and taken advantage of. It totally sucked!
Here are some easy steps to help you along the process.
1. Analyze your past relationships and figure out why you were in them, what you loved about them, what you didn't like (what you don't want in the next) and what you truly learned from being with that person. This will give you an idea of what you really want to have in the idea of "forever".
2. Make a "perfect soul mate" recipe. Write down all the things you would love to have in your perfect mate. You will find that most of the traits and attributes are surprisingly what you see in yourself or want in yourself. Even play with the superficial because in the end its that face you want to wake up next to every morning.
3. Stop stressing!!!! Let the flow of the universe work for you. If you are spiritual, like I am, have the faith that God received your order and is working to put you 2 together. If you constantly worry about it, it won't happen. Trust and faith are one in the same.
4. Have fun! The second you start living and loving yourself is the moment when your love interest will find their way to you. If you don't have a clear picture of what you want, how can it be delivered to you? Also, you look very pleasing to others when you're having fun and holding yourself with confidence and assurance.
Don't wear concern, worry or desperation on your face because no one wants to be with someone that looks like that, and those who do want to take advantage of you. Hold your ground for "the one", you'll know him or her when you meet them.
Love you! Merry Ms Berry
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