Comments welcome!

I don't and will never claim to know everything of anything. Including the ramblings of my blog. If you by chance glance and a particular subject and feel that you I am either wrong, totally off base or just need more information please please please feel comment. I love comments! Good, bad or indifferent. We are all entitled to have JUST AN OPINION. Use it here! Please do! I want to here it.

Turing a bad day good by looking cute

I am about "the cute"!!! Here's the thing about being cute, it never fades. You can only be sexy for so long. Stuff starts to sag and you can't wear liquid black eyeliner forever (tear). But looking cute is 100% possible at any age. Whether be a new lip gloss, a pair of jeans that makes your ass look fabulous or taking a little bit of extra time on your hair, cute is the way to go.

Why do I bring this up? Because when I have a really bad day and I feel really bad about myself on the inside I make doublely sure that the outside of me looks fabulous. Why? When I hurt on the inside I can't hide it on the outside. I wear all my emotions square in the puss, no hiding NOTHING with me. I'd rather not scare people away with an angry scowl. Instead I want to be as approachable and eye catching fabulous as possible. Below was one of these days.

On this particular day I put on a pair of brand new skinny jeans (the only pair I own), my 4 inch, grey suede slouchy boots, with a low cut top and my new push up bra. I straighten my hair and make sure my eye makeup with fabulous! Head to toe I was frickin' HOT! And guess where I actually had to go? Menards!!! Ha! I went to the local home improvement store to return hardware and buy spray paint.

Here's my theory on why what I do works. If the outside of you looks fabulous (and you know it) then you are more apt to get attention from others, even if it's just an envious glance of why their butts can't look this good. Getting verbal (or non verbal) validation helps boosts your spirits about who you are on the inside. I am a sucker for good attention. If I look cute, I have NO problems taking compliments. ((((no flash photography please)))) And doesn't everybody love to get a little attention? Yes WE DO!

Now a warning! This is not a cure all!!!! This is meant to fix a temporary bad day. If you are having deeper issues with yourself please consult a licenced physician or your bff with a good bottle of wine. At the end of my day I had talked over a few things with the hubby and I began to feel better about myself. (Insert regular jeans & t-shirt)Yes, I have a lot of work to go, but I got real, loving validation from my honey and it had nothing to do with the shade of lipstick I was wearing. Also, he knows if I'm wearing red lipstick, it means I'm out for blood and to crush some souls (figuratively of course, can't ruin my new boots).

So ladies or anyone for that matter, if you feel great on the inside it will show on the outside. If you look great on the outside, it might seep in to the inside. Might! Make sure you are taking the time to really love the person that you are and all that makes you, you! There will always be hiccups along the way and with us constantly changing as we grow older, it's best to stay on top of you. Shit, I'm not the same lady I was 10 years ago and that's ok but I forgot to remind myself that I'm still a bad ass if I need to be. (walk, talk and slap a bitch with ponytail if need be)

Fabulously yours, Merry Ms Berry

One for awhile....

I have about a dozen posts that I've started, some with just titles, some with actual content that needs revising, finishing and posting. Here's the thing, I will be going over all of them, seeing which ones are actually important to be out in the world and then I'm taking a break.

I've come to some really hard realizations about myself, my personality, my little quirks and how my obsessive, need to be bigger, better, faster than who I am now stems from when I was way younger. I had a mini-meltdown over the weekend. Within this meltdown, I noticed that all the things I was expecting from the world I, also, need to start expecting from myself or not expect and just let go.

Last week I started writing a book. A book on how the effects of my relationships helped shape the person I am today, and how I thought I was successful to knowing when I found the person I am meant to be with. The first major part of this book started with my dad. I started writing in present form, a tense that I am not very familiar nor comfortable with. It was like I was reliving being 6, 10 and 16 years all over again. Though I am at peace with my father and his passing, I started to realize that my love for change, my inability to appreciate stillness, stability and a calm existence is in result of my dad. My passions for constantly learning new things, the idea my life isn't good enough, and thoughts that I must help others and ultimately change the world, are also caused from the past of inconsistencies, the stress of having to be perfect and putting everyone else's needs in front of my own. Yes, emotionally I am past the pain and anger from my past. But it came to a complete shock to how those incidences left, possibly, permanent mark in my personality.

On top of the whole "daddy issue thing", I was feeling this huge disconnect from my hubby, couple that with running into one of my ex's. AND not just an ex, "the ex", my ex-fiance. My first love and first person that I said I would spend the rest of my life with. After that and a day alone with nothing but my thoughts left to question my being as a whole. The thing about "the ex" is that the issues that I had with him, I would never have with my hubby. But the issues that I would never have with the ex, are the ones that I am having with my hubby. It's like trying to pull a piece of thread off your sweater and unraveling the whole damned thing.

So this is what I've come up with. I have a lot of emotional recall that I have to do. Before I can ever write about having or even getting close to being in a healthy marriage, I have to sort out my own demons. Hopefully my hubby will be on board with that and will pick up the pieces while I try to sort through the mess. I never claimed to be perfect, especially in my relationships. I really only claimed that I was the queen of dating, because yes I was a badass. Funny thought!!! My ability to morph into someone's dream girl and making them fall in love with me was a bi-product of my past. Stupid spiderweb on interconnecting like madness.

So from all of this, I also have to ask myself, did my husband really know who he fell in love with? Did I set us up for failure? Was I going along on false pretenses? I am the person I want to be or the person I think I should be? Is hubby my soul mate, and if not how will I know and should I stay if down line we just don't fit together?

So with this time away I will be focusing on me and my book. Time away because I know diving into the past is going to be a hard, tormentous, and hopefully liberating time for me. I need to focus on me so I come out even better and wiser to be able to love you.

Shakingly yours, Merry Ms"guided" Berry

Friends with a history don't mean s*!+

and what I mean about the title is that just because you've been friends with someone forever doesn't mean you 'have' to stay friends with them. People change and that's expected. We can't expect people to automatically grow and change with us. We all change. We form our own opinions, morals and values on how to live our lives. A lot of times people grow apart. We change at different points of our lives. Some people have to grow up fast or start their own family earlier in life. I, myself, did not. I saw a lot of friends getting pregnant and having babies while I tended bar and went all out night to the wee hours of the morning.

I have found that the simlarities we shared as teenagers never transfer into adulthood. Why must we cling onto the past party just to spend time with one another in the present? If there's someone in your life, now, that you don't feel is up to your standard in morals or values, why hold onto them? Just because they've been in your life forever doesn't mean they've earned a spot in your life now.

Example: If you have a childhood friend that abuses drugs, just because you have known them forever, does that mean you want that kind of person in your life?(unless you abuse drugs yourself. But that's a different topic all together)


Some people are just not meant to come with us as we get older and that's okay. Those who grow with you as a person and are able to share in experiences in everyday life  are the people you want in your life. I once dated a guy for a few months that did nothing but talk about his past with his friends when he drank. Since I didn't know anything about who he was talking about I was always left in the dark with nothing constructive to say. When you live in the past you are disregarding those in your present.

I grew up with a girl that I once had taken under my wing and thought that I was instilling the values I was brought up with. Within the last year I noticed she lived her life completely differently that I lived my own. Now, I don't think there's anything wrong in that except she expected people to take care of her. I was raised different. I was raised to be completely independent, no matter what. I've learned it's okay to ask for help but not to expect my parents, others, or the government to have take care of me. If I'm healthy and kicking, I'm working. PERIOD. I chose not to have her in my life. It doesn't matter to me that we've known each other our entire lives, it's who she is NOW that I don't accept. She is no one that I want my child to look as a role model. Why live in the past? So to destroy the future? MEH!

If you are struggling with your current association it's okay to say good bye. People fill a need or a void and when that is fulfilled it's okay to move on. How many billions of people are on the planet. Letting go of few just makes more room for the better.

Lovingly yours, Merry Ms Berry

Being aware & there

This segment is for one of my bff's Mark. He had been out of the dating game for some time and then kind of out of nowhere starting seeing a young woman 10 years his junior. Unfortunately it was a 2 month romance that was riddled with female insecurities and unstable emotions. Ya, it ended. :( Like myself, I tend to put what I'm feeling out into the world because I have lovely friends that either want to make me smile or rejoice in victories. He has consistently come to me over our many years of friendship when he gets lost in his own head and needs some clarification. He came to confused about how and why said relationship ended. Being the friend that I am to I had to tell him that "I kinda saw it coming", even though I had only met the girl once. The few times in which he had talked to me about her I felt this girl keeping her walls up and not fully letting Mark in.

Whether it was because I was once in that girl's scared emotional shoes with a fear of commitment because of a past crazy relationship or because I felt something more that I can't really explain, it's all about being aware. Now I didn't expect Mark to see it coming. Matters of the heart usually don't, hence why it's mentioned to be blind at times.

Have you ever "just known" that something was going to happen or knew the outcome of something? That's being aware. That's opening all your senses to seeing the world as a whole and all the little lives interacting with one another. When you have taken the time to reflect on your life and descions, whether good or bad, you are able to see how life pans itself out. You can see how a decision you made 10 years ago it helping change your life now. Also, you are able to take this new form of vision and see how other people are going to be changing their lives. Move or don't move. Jump or don't jump. No regrets! Let's see an example.

If I would have stayed at the first college I went to and forced myself to get a traditional degree I might have not worked at the nightclub by my house, where I ended up working for the corporate office, where I met this psycho that I dated who chased a handful of friends away forcing me to go online to find old friends from school which made me run into my old crush who I married 6 months later. Or I could have gotten married the first time I got engaged and ended up somewhere completely different missing the chance to be with who I think is my soul mate. I had to go through all these crazy, twisty turvy situations which were stressful, painful and confusing to come out the other side more aware and appreciative that I did.

Oo oo! I got another one! I became friends with a girl when I was 18, altering her path in life, leading her to move to Florida to get married, get divorced and I helped move her back. Within a few months of her being back I introduced her to a ton of people, who she all scorned, but hooked up with my ex-boyfriend who she ended up dating and then marrying. Any time within that 10 years, if I was not present, her life would be completely different. Even though she ended up being a 2 faced, back stabbing, whore of a human being, I'm grateful I was able to be the SOLE reason why their relationship formed. It's kinda like a little piece of revenge she has to wake up next to for the rest of her life. Score one for me!

Anyhoo! Take time to reflect on your life from a 3rd party perspective, emotions removed. You will then able to see how life forms, falls apart and rebuilds. It's totally fancisnating and I love every second of it.

"Visionary"ingly yours, Merry Ms Berry

Death is weird

Like anything else in the world, everyone reacts to death differently. Yes, it's probably because you are really going to miss that one person. Then on the other hand if that person brought you nothing but heart ache and grief, do you only grieve because you are expected to? Let's see a few examples.

My father passed away when I was in my mid-20's and if you had read any of my past posts you would know that I didn't have the smoothest or the most stable of relationships with my father. The last few months that my father was alive I was his go-to girl. My sister hadn't been around and I don't blame her. Those 2 had a worse off relationship than I did with him because she stayed around when my mom left. My sister got the blunt end of his emotional attacks, so I am no where close to upset for her not being around. Matter of fact, I would have been in shock if she was. She had every right not to be. There was something in the back of my mind that told me to be there for my dad because I didn't know how much time there was going to be left. He had lost his house and his health was fading fast. Even though he was a HUGE pain in my ass, he was still my dad and he needed my help. After my dad had passed the most emotion that I had actually  felt was one of my own selfishness. I was not going to have a dad to to "dad things" like walk me down the aisle. Even though I have no idea if he would have even made it to my wedding, it was those kinds of things that upset me. Not the drunken fights he had with me, or how I was the kid taking care of the parent. I guess I missed the idea of having the chance to have a real father-figure type dad. Recently as my sister's wedding, her new husband gave a little speech in the name of his father that has recently passed and everyone had tears in their eyes for one reason or another, but not me. I was called heartless because I wasn't crying, unbeknownst to any of the pain I had gone through with my dad and the tears I had already shed for such a figure in my life.

If someone is passing or already past in your life that you don't feel that you need to shed a tear for don't. A lot more times it's the past we want back and hold on to instead of seeing what is directly in front of us. Did I have good times with my dad, of course I did. Did I cry over those times, nope not a chance. You can't live in the past, that's why it's the past. It's a memory. Something you cannot touch but is there to help you figure things out now. If someone in your present didn't love you how you should have been loved, don't feel bad for them passing.

Death is a weird thing. It makes you want to be sad, but sometimes you are just relieved you are not obligated to care anymore. If someone wants to be in your life, they will. If they don't then what's the point in mourning since when they were alive they weren't around, and now that they are dead, they definitely not going to be around. Maybe my logic makes me a little bit more numb to death. Maybe a little piece of me died with each fight, each let down or with each of those promises broken.

So to my little Feesha. Feel anyway you want to feel. If you need to make peace with said dead person, she's listening to you right now there's no reason why you can't talk to her. If I were you, I wouldn't give it another thought. Yes, she was great to you in the past. But if she wasn't good to you in the present, then what makes her deserve your tears now? What are you really going to miss since she had already turned her back on you? I love you! Cry or don't cry. Feel or don't feel. Your logic will proceed your emotions, just like me......sometimes. Oh, and I'm proud of you for putting your foot down with SP. You a badass bitch!

Logically yours, Merry Ms Berry

You are who you have around you.

I have recently let some people in my life go and for a second I felt bad about it. Then I had to take a step back and remember that people are going to come in and out of our lives all the time. Then that also got me thinking about these particular people. I thought about their work ethic, drive to succeed or just to make it on their own 2 feet. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. This is I have always believed in and will instill the same values into my children when I have them. When I have children, there's one particular person I don't believe carries the same morals and values as myself when it comes to kicking ass and taking names, no matter how hard it may be. Do the right thing, not the easy thing. So, I don't want this person around the children (that I don't even have yet) because I do not believe that they would be a good role model. Then why would I want them in my life? Think about it. If there are people in your life that you wouldn't want around your children or future children then why do you keep them in your life? Why do you subject yourself to people who don't bring any value to your life? This also goes for my single parent friends! If you are seeing or thinking about seeing a particular person, is that person good enough to either "be someone you would want your kids with" or even around? And if they are not good enough for them, then why would they be good enough for you? Aren't we supposed to be the role models for the next generation? Aren't we supposed to be the ones that lead by example? If we want the best for our children doesn't that mean we should strive to be the best ourselves and expect the best in others around us? If we surround ourselves with the best, won't our children see that and know that as the norm? Wouldn't they come to be the best and expect the best around them, too? Just a few thoughts from our neighborhood friendly Ms. Berry.

Lovingly, Merry Ms. Berry